


If You Can't Stand the Heat (Stay Out of the Kitchen)

by TheMeaningofHaste



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of past abuse, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rimming, Shower Sex, Slow Burn, Some hurt/comfort, Suicide Attempt, all those for chapter 14 only, also through flashbacks, bucky has some issues, bucky is a major tease, bucky is kinda a tease, it will be happy from here i promise, mentions of past dubcon, past abuse via flashbacks, poor steve, rumlow is skeezy, steve is a cook, the works, told through flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-11-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 03:57:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 56,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2094792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMeaningofHaste/pseuds/TheMeaningofHaste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Captain Steve Rogers left the Army he fell in to a life of cooking. He never expected it to lead him to become a personal chef for the Barnes family, one of the most influential families in Washington D.C. </p><p>He certainly never expected to fall for their playboy son</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Some people find certain types of calm when surrounded by chaos, finding moments that are almost peaceful when the world around them is in bedlam_.

                “How many minutes on the salmon?” Steve hollered across the bustling kitchen, never taking his eyes off the spread of plates in front of him. This was the last course to be plated for the night but that did not mean he would allow it to be any less perfect than the first four.

                “Three minutes Chef!”

                Steve gently poured the lemon béarnaise sauce on to the final plate before responding. “See if you can make it two!”

                “Yes Chef!” His team moved in a flurry of motion behind him.

                _Luckily Chef Steve Rogers, formerly Captain Rogers, was just that kind of a man._

XXXX

                Outside the double doors that separated the kitchen from the large function hall, the muffled sounds of someone making a speech and the polite laugher that always follows could be heard. Steve peered out of the small window in the door and caught a glimpse of his friend on stage. Wiping his hands idly on a dish towel, he turned back to his now exhausted crew.

                “Thank you all so much for your help tonight everyone. It was a great service, and as of now it doesn’t appear as though any one has gotten food poisoning.” Steve grinned lightly at his own bad joke. The cooks paused in their clean up duties to glance at each other while shooting confused looks at him.

                Steve shrugged as he made his way across the kitchen to drop his apron off in the laundry bin. He knew that most of the Executive Chefs that he had worked under in the past had a habit of neglecting to thank their staff, especially after a particularly challenging service. He hadn’t realized it was quite so rare as to earn him strange looks from this group.

                “Steve-orino!” One of the double doors swung open with a bang, breaking up the awkward silence that permeated the room. Steve rolled his eyes good naturedly as he watch Tony strut in to the kitchen as though he owned it.  Wait, Steve thought, he actually did own the building.

                “Sorry I missed your speech Tony, but some of us actually have to work around here.” Steve slung an arm across the other man’s shoulders.

                “Don’t worry Stevie I’m sure Pepper caught it on tape, as per usual. I’m sure I could get you a copy so you can just watch it over and over.” Tony wrapped an arm around Steve’s waist and began to lead him out the kitchen doors, ignoring the furtive whispering that was occurring behind him.

                “Umm Tony this is the ballroom,” Steve mumbled uncomfortably.

                “Keen observation there, no wonder they made you a Captain.” Tony continued applying a steady pressure to lead them to a large table by the stage, where a number of people were standing around mingling, drinks in hand.

                Steve let out a petulant groan. “When I agreed to help you said it was in the kitchen. You never mentioned anything about mingling with these people.”

                 “These people? Why I’m shocked Steven.” Tony feigned offense but the wicked grin that meant he was up to trouble never left his face.

                “You know what I mean,” Steve grumbled, smoothing down his chef coat and hoping there weren’t too many stains. He had never been happier that he had decided to wear his solid black chef pants as opposed to the horrible checks. Absolutely no one looks good in those. “Besides you know I’m not any good at small talk.”

                Tony ignored his protests as he arrived at the table, giving Steve a small push forward. “Ladies and gentlemen may I introduce your Executive Chef for the evening, Chef Steve Rogers.”

                Steve felt his cheeks heat up as fifteen pairs of eyes turned to look at him. The couple closest to him beamed at the introduction. “The food was just exquisite Chef, some of the best we’ve had outside of Europe.” The woman who addressed him was one of the most elegantly dressed women that Steve had ever seen. Her hair was pulled back in a dramatic bun and her green eyes were piercing as she took him in.

                Steve stumbled for words, now positive that he was completely red at their praise and the unexpected inspection.  “Steve-o this is Mr. and Mrs. Barnes. Eleanor here is the CEO of… oh crap….you know…that company that has the huge tower downtown. Anyways, she’s CEO of that and Bruce here is a big time, super nifty lawyer.” Tony grinned, pleased at his lack luster introduction,

                Mrs. Barnes smiled politely at Tony, before turning her attention back to Steve. “Now Steven, how long have you been the Chef here at the Marquis? When we ate at the last function here the food was just terrible.”

                “Well actually, I’m just working here tonight as a favor to Tony, for some reason he’s an old friend. There was some sort of incident with their regular Chef.” Tony snickered next to him at that.”Tony won’t give me all the details but when he called this morning I jumped at the chance to work at such a prestigious event.”

                “You must tell us where you normally work so that we can host our next event there,” Bruce insisted. Mr. Barnes was dressed just as well as his wife but he failed to exude the same confident and intimidating presence that she did.

                “Well actually, I’m a bit… in between jobs at the moment.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck nervously, trying to mask his embarrassment.

                Eleanor’s face lit up as she heard that and a wicked grin spread across her face. She looked like a predator ready to pounce and Steve was starting to feel a bit like the prey. “Steven you must come and work for us. Our personal Chef left us a few weeks ago and we have been absolutely starving without her. Please tell me you’ll do it.” The confident tone of her voice convinced Steve that this was a woman who always got what she wanted.

                Steve looked around nervously for support but Tony had moved on and was engrossed in conversation across the room. “I really do appreciate the offer but I think I should think on it a bit.”

                “Of course dear, I’ve put you on the spot. Call my assistant Peggy tomorrow and she will fill you in on all the details then take a few days to consider it.” Eleanor’s kind smile was still in place but her eyes were cold. The way she held out a small card made it clear she would not take no for an answer.

                Steve took the offered business card and tucked it in to his pocket. “Yes ma’am I will. Thank you for the offer, and it was lovely to meet you but I really must get back to check on, er, the kitchen staff.” He made a small bow before hurrying across the ballroom to find sanctuary surrounded by ovens and stoves. Really Steve a bow, he grumbled to himself. He could churn out a five course meal and lead men into battle but five minutes with such a high-status group had him running for cover.

XXXX

                Steve woke late the next morning. When he had finally made it home last night it had been all he could do to kick off his clothes before falling in to bed. He stretched, feeling the small but satisfying burn of muscles that were tired from a hard day’s work. The delicious smell of something baking pulled him out of his warm cocoon of blankets and the promise of coffee dragged him downstairs.

                His roommate hovered over their small excuse for a stove, hissing as bacon grease splattered up on to his arms. Behind him the coffee maker let out its final series of gurgles, signaling that it was ready. Steve poured himself a mug and slid on to a stool to watch.  “What’s the occasion Sam?”

                Sam’s head jerked up as if he just noticed for the first time that he was no longer alone in the kitchen. “Shit man, warn a guy.”

                “I kind of figured you would have heard me,” Steve said, gesturing with his mug. Sam grumbled something about big guys being too sneaky for their own good as he tried to whisk the contents of a sauce pan while he flipped the last strip of bacon. “Need a hand there or are you practicing your cirque du soleil audition routine?”

                Sam rolled his eyes but the corners of his mouth tipped up in to a betraying smile. “Get the biscuits out of the stove and set the table.”

                “Oh no, it’s a biscuits kind of morning? I’m sorry man,” Steve groaned as he slid on an oven mitt. Sam made a variety of breakfasts that each had a very specific implication about his mood. Omelets meant he had just met a new girl, pancakes meant he got lucky the night before, and waffles signaled that he was frustrated about a case at work. But biscuits and gravy only meant one thing; he had been dumped.

                “’S okay man, wasn’t that serious yet.” Same shoved a plate piled high with food in his direction before working on his own.

                Steve took the plate, his stomach grumbling in anticipation. They fell in to an easy conversation as they ate, Sam pointedly ignoring his break up. Just as Steve was mopping up the last of the gravy on his plate Sam’s head jerked up as if he was remembering something.

                “Oh man, I almost forgot,” he reached in to the pocket of his sweat pants, pulling out a small card. “Is this yours? I found it on the stairs this morning. Did you meet someone?”

                Steve groaned as he grabbed the business card. “Must have fallen out of my jacket when I took it off last night.” Sam stared at him blankly, clearly waiting for more information. “It’s nothing really, just some rich society lady wants me to come be her personal chef.”

                “Hey that’s excellent.” Sam raised his own mug of coffee in cheers.

                “I don’t think I’m going to take it,” Steve grumbling, turning the paper over in his hands nervously.

                “Why? Besides the fact that you’re a damn fool, because I already know that.” Steve shrugged idly, feeling like he was back in grade school. “Come on man, I know it’s not the five star restaurant you’ve been dreaming about but it’s a great start. You know these rich society people, they know everybody. You could make some great connections. I think you owe it to yourself to at least give them a call.”

                Sam slouched back in his chair looking about as smug as someone could                while chewing on a slice of bacon, which it turns out, is pretty darn smug. “Okay, okay, I’ll call her,” Steve sighed. “You know you shouldn’t be allowed to do that therapist stuff on unsuspecting civilians.”

                “You can take that up with the VA then, now stop deflecting and call.”

                Steve pushed his chair back and threw his hands up in surrender, mumbling something about no good, nosy roommates as he pulled out his phone and began to punch in the neatly printed number. He rolled his eyes at Sam’s grin as the phone rang. After the third ring he started to feel like he might be lucky enough to just leave a message. He had tried after all.

                “Carter,” a voice answered, breaking Steve’s train of wishful thinking. The woman on the phone had a rich English accent that left him momentarily speechless.

                “Er yes, hi, um, I’m calling for a Miss Peggy Carter,” Steve said, wincing as he fumbled for words. Sam sitting right there snickering into his napkin was not helping.

                “And as I answered the phone with Carter you may deduce that you have succeeded.” No shit Steve thought, trying to keep any attitude out of his voice.

                “Yes, well I’m Steve Rogers. Mrs. Barnes told me that I should talk to you about the opening for a personal chef.”

                “Yes, Steven, Mrs. Barnes hoped you might call.”

                Steve sighed and shot Sam a glance. What was it about these people who insisted on calling him Steven? “You can just call me Steve.”

                “Alright just Steve, let me tell you about what would be expected of you and what sort of compensation you can expect to receive.” After giving him a moment to grab a pen and a scrap of paper Ms. Carter began to explain how he would be expected to work every afternoon and evening except for Fridays when the Barnes family liked to try new restaurants. He would also be required to cook Sunday mornings for brunch, apparently another family tradition. When she got to his salary he had to pause and clarify the number.

                “We would like to have you start this coming weekend, assuming your background check clears,” she finished.

                “Assuming that I say yes to the job you mean,” Steve said, aware that he was already sold on the idea.

                “Well you will won’t you Steve?” Steve could almost hear her smiling over the phone.

                Sam shot him a thumbs up from where he was leaning over to see Steve’s notes as he was writing them. “Yes Peggy I think I will.”

                After giving him the final details of how the security checks would work, Peggy hung up with the promise that they would speak again in a few days. Steve sunk back into his chair suddenly overwhelmed, letting the phone drop against his leg.

                “So?” Sam asked, nudging his shoulder.

                Steve ran a hand through his short blonde hair. “I’m going to be a personal chef for one of the most influential families in the city.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve fall in to an easy rhythm at his new job, but everything changes when the Barnes's son moves back in.

          Even after working for the Barnes family for two weeks, Steve often found himself checking the address as he sat out front on his bike. The Barnes residence could not actually be called a house. ‘Mansion’ didn’t really do it justice either. ‘Estate’ was the best description he had come up with so far and that still felt lacking. The family home stood at 4 stories tall and took up two separate addresses on the block. The colonial style brickwork was a thing of beauty and the gardens were home to more variety of plant than he had ever seen. Built in 1918, the architecture was magnificent, both inside and out.

           “Good morning Steve, or should I say good afternoon?” Peggy teased as Steve entered the kitchen, arms laden with groceries for the weekend.

           “That joke gets funnier every day Peggy, really,” he drawled.

            Peggy smirked from her seat at the long granite bar that ran across almost half the kitchen, where she liked to sit to work on the schedule for the coming week. She insisted that it was just for the lovely view of the gardens and the easy access to coffee, but Steve liked to think that his company was at least an added bonus. The two had become close once Steve realized that just because she carried herself in a manner that suggested she could, and would, kill a man with her pinky toe, it was not likely that she would. At least not until provoked.

            Peggy Carter had worked for the Barnes family since she emigrated from England, 8 years ago. Her beauty was striking, with long dark brown hair and curves that most women would kill for, but her wit was even more remarkable. The deadly combination occasionally left Steve feeling like he was a teenager again, blushing and stumbling over his words.

            “Anything new and special I should know for the weekend?” Steve began to put the food away, hoping that Mrs. Barnes hadn’t decided to abruptly change the entire menu on him at the last minute like she had last week. The entire household had been vegan for three long days before she declared that life without bacon was not one she was interested in living.

            “You’ll need to add another serving to your menu from now on, starting on Sunday. Oh, and instead of the usual meal on Saturday, there will be a cocktail party for about twenty people,” she replied casually.

            “What? Why?”

            “The Barnes’s son will be moving in this weekend.”

            “Well that’s rather big news to only find out about two days in advance,” Steve grumbled, turning to lean against a counter. “I mean how old is this kid? Does he have any dietary restrictions? Am I going to be forced to serve endless bowls of plain noodles with butter?”

            Peggy chuckled lightly. “Don’t pout Steve, it’s unbecoming of you. I assure you that James is well past the age where he could get away with that kind of picky eating. You’ll find out more when you meet him in two days.”

            Two days, Steve thought as he started on his mise en place for the day. What kind of trouble would having this kid around the house bring?

XXXX

            The next 48 hours passed by in a blur as Steve reworked his menu for the party on Saturday and recalculated the amount of groceries he would need for the rest of the week. He was so busy that by the time Saturday afternoon rolled around he had completely forgotten about the new addition to the Barnes family home that was due to arrive any minute.

            “….and of course you’ll remember the kitchen is in through here.” Peggy’s voice could be heard echoing through the hallway that led from the main dining area to the kitchen. Steve ignored what she was saying as he diced vegetables for the hors d’oeuvres. He had grown so accustom to having her around throughout the day that he thought nothing of it.

            “Ahem. Steve!” Her voice was sharp when it finally cut into his thoughts.

            Steve turned around, knife still in hand to glare at her. “Jesus Peggy, don’t you know it’s-“ he stopped midsentence when he saw she was not there alone.

            Standing next to her was what had to be the most attractive man that he had ever seen. Standing just below six feet tall, the man was lightly muscled in a way that suggested efficiency, not simply bulkiness for show. His short brown hair was perfectly styled and his eyes shone with laughter that he was trying to hold back. Steve let his gaze linger on the man’s mouth; watching it quirk up on one side into a lazy grin that left him feeling as though he still had his childhood asthma.

            “This is Chef Steve Rogers,” Peggy introduced with a smirk that said she was going to give him hell later.

            Steve blinked quickly; abruptly aware that he was staring like a fool- his mother would be ashamed at his sudden lack of manners. He hurriedly set the knife down on the cutting board behind him and wiped his hands on a dish towel as he crossed the kitchen. “Steve,” he repeated, holding out a hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”

            A warm, lightly calloused hand slid against his. “James Barnes,” the man said, sliding his thumb gently across the back of Steve’s hand. James tilted his head up slightly to catch his gaze and at this distance all Steve could think of was how green they were.

            Steve felt his mouth go dry at the contact. He was acutely aware of the way James’s eyes were now slowly making their way down his body. Steve still made sure to stay in the same shape he had been in when he left the Army, and even though he logically knew that he was no slouch himself when it came to looks, he felt inadequate under the heated inspection. “The pleasure is all mine Steve,” James said as their eyes met again.

            Steve felt his stomach turn as he heard his name fall from those lips in a voice that threatened to turn his knees to jelly. They both startled slightly when Peggy cleared her throat beside them; gently breaking up the tension.

            The blonde pulled his hand back in a panic and dropped it nervously to his side. “Yes, um, well I should get back to my prep,” he muttered, hating himself for stumbling over his words. This was certainly not the first attractive man he had ever met and there was no reason he should be affected like this.

            James’s grin widened as Peggy turned to lead him on to the next spot of their tour. Steve watched them make their way out of the room and felt his heart skip a beat when James lingered at the doorway to look him over once again. Steve had to bite back a groan when a pink tongue darted across those absolutely sinful lips, lingering slightly along the bottom one. “See you around Stevie,” James said before shooting Steve a wink and turning the corner.

            Steve collapsed back against the counter, gripping the edges tightly to support himself as he willed his heart rate to slow. Whatever he had been expecting from the Barnes’s son, that was most certainly not it. Fuck, he was in no way prepared for James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and all the lovely kudos this has received. I'll try to have the next chapter up in a few days. In the meantime feel free to leave a comment or come talk to me on tumblr at ScienceofSociopaths!
> 
> Also, apologies for the repeat of the note from Chapter 1. For some reason Ao3 wont let me remove that....


	3. Chapter 3

         The kitchen was a bustle of activity as servers rushed in and out as they prepared for the party that would be arriving any minute. The tension from earlier in the day had been forgotten as Steve moved from cutting board to pan to saucepan. Everything had to be perfect for reasons that certainly had nothing to do with a certain gorgeous son that would be attending.

          “Show time Steve,” Peggy called as she strolled through the kitchen in a final inspection, her heels clicking across the tile.

           “You look great Pegs,” Steve called, glancing up from where he was carefully plating the last of the lobster sliders. She was dressed in a flattering red cocktail dress and a matching jacket that would surely be turning heads. If Steve didn’t know better he would have assumed that she was attending the cocktail party, not in charge of running it.

           She paused and made a face in his direction. “I told you not to call me that.” Steve rolled his eyes with a grin. “And thank you Stevie.” 

           He let out a bark of laughter as she strode out into the dining room, instructing the pianist to start playing. Peggy’s friendship was the best perk of his job, official or not.

           “Guess I missed the joke,” a voice drawled from across the room.

           Steve whipped around in surprise. James stood against the doorway that led into the back gardens and if he had looked good this afternoon, he looked absolutely sinful now. He wore a pair of black slacks and a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow. A matching black vest completed the outfit and Steve had to force himself to turn back to the stove before he started to stare.

           “Sorry, didn’t mean to break up the moment.” James made his way across the room, picking up a strawberry from one of the trays. “Anything to drink in this place?”

           Steve had to close his eyes and take a few deep breaths before he could answer. It was far too tempting to watch the way the other man nibbled at the berry as he rifled through the cabinets. “Um, I think it’s all out there on the bar.”

           James turned to glare at him in a way that clearly said ‘no shit’. His outfit wasn’t the only thing different about him. Where he had seemed friendly and full of life earlier, his gaze was devoid of any easily recognizable emotion. While his actions were borderline flirtatious, everything about him now was closed off. James turned on his heel and left the room almost as abruptly as he had arrived, leaving Steve to wonder where the man that stole his breath away when he smiled had gone.

XXXXX

           The party didn’t wind down until almost midnight and as the last of the guests left Steve happily cleared away the last tray of crumbs. Even though clean up was not part of his regular job description, he could never leave the rest of his team alone with a clear conscience. Make the mess as a team; clean it up as a team.

           “Great job everyone, get some rest,” he called as the dishwasher gurgled to life behind him. Making his way out through the side garden to where his bike was parked, he pulled on his brown leather jacket over his chef coat. Steve ran a weary hand through his hair as he thought about the six hours ahead of him before he had to be back at work.

           As he threw a leg over the seat of his bike he froze. The sound of drunken giggles came from a pair of large bushes that separated the driveway from the pool. Guess the party wasn’t over for everyone, he thought as the motorcycle roared to life under him. Seconds after he flipped the headlight on a pair of bodies stumbled through the bushes.

           James had his arm wrapped around a small blonde woman while his other hand was wrapped around the neck of a mostly empty bottle of Scotch. Steve let out a heavy sigh as he took in the blonde’s state of dress, or lack thereof. Her dress had been abandoned at some point and judging by the way she was dripping puddles on the stone driveway, she had been in the pool.

           They weren’t more than a few yards away but the girl seemed to be completely oblivious that anyone else was around as she mouthed at James’s neck. Steve could see that same cold gaze from earlier in the kitchen studying him and the ancient motorcycle that desperately needed some love. Never breaking his gaze, James took a final swig out of the bottle before throwing it over his shoulder to shatter in the grass. Steve made a mental note to make sure that it was cleaned up in the morning when he wasn’t quite so tired.

           The soft rumble of his bike broke through his thoughts and Steve quickly kicked up the kickstand. The woman was working one of her hands across James’s belt buckle and while he didn’t seem to mind an audience, Steve had no desire to stick around for the show.

           As he slowly backed out of the driveway Steve shot one last look to the couple. She had the top button of his trousers undone and was making quick work of the zipper when James caught Steve’s eye again. He mouthed what looked like ‘nighty night’ over her shoulder and shot Steve a wink before wrapping a hand across the back of her neck and pulling her in to a kiss.

           Steve was glad to get out on to the empty street and made towards home as fast as the speed limit would allow. He hoped Sam was still awake because he could seriously use a drink.

XXXX

           Steve stumbled through the door twenty minutes later, slamming it shut behind him in frustration.

           “Hey honey how was your day?” Sam asked from where he was flopped across the couch, watching what looked like some sort of cartoon.

            Steve grunted in reply as he threw his leather jacket across the kitchen table and grabbed a beer from the fridge. Sam watched with an eyebrow raised as Steve collapsed on to their overstuffed armchair.  “That good huh?”

           Steve ran a hand over his face as he let the stress of the day slowly seep out of his body. “It was fine. I’m just an idiot.”

           Sam shot him a look as if he was calculating whether he could get away with a joke here or not. “Oh?”

           “You know how I told you that the Barnes kid was moving in? Well turns out he’s not exactly a kid as much as he is a man. A completely gorgeous man at that.” Steve took a long drink of his beer as the day washed over him again.

           “Well what’s wrong with that? You’ve been known to like gorgeous men if I remember correctly. That’s why you’re living with me after all.” Sam had a natural talent for diffusing a stressful situation and Steve couldn’t help but chuckle.

           “What’s wrong is that I’m an idiot and was falling all over myself when I met him this afternoon, but I thought maybe he was also interested.” Steve sighed and sunk deeper in to the chair, willing it to swallow him whole. “Then he turns up for the party looking like something out of a magazine. No, better than that actually. Anyway, looking completely amazing except instead of being interested, or even all that friendly, he just blew through looking for a drink.”

           Sam groaned sympathetically. “No, wait. It gets better,” Steve said before his roommate could get a word in. “When I was leaving he comes stumbling through the bushes with this little blonde thing in her underwear. She’s hanging all over him and there I am feeling like an idiot for getting all flustered by some guy who’s not interested. What’s even better is right as she’s about to get him out of his pants out in the open, he fucking mouths something at me over her shoulder.”

            “Rough man.” Sam said, knocking his foot against Steve’s knee to ground him in the present.

            Steve ran his hand through his hair again in what was starting to become a bad habit. “It’s fine. I feel better getting it out there, thanks.” He grabbed his bottle and made for the staircase. Getting everything off his chest was better than any sleeping pill there was and the long day had finally caught up with him. 

            “Hey, perks of living with a counselor man. I get to practice all my Vulcan mind tricks on you and you get a friend to hear about your crappy day.” Sam flipped of the television and began making his way to his own room.

            Steve sighed as he opened his bedroom door. “Now if only you could do something about the fact that I have to be back there in 5 and a half hours and see him again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just had to dress Bucky like that because freaking everyone looks good like that. Go look at Seb Stan at the Great Gatsby premiere if disagree.
> 
> If you hadn't guessed yet, I really love Sam and Peggy, and they're going to make a lot of appearances in this.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for reading and leaving all the love. It makes my day and makes me do ridiculous happy dances.
> 
> Come talk to me about these dorks on tumblr at ScienceofSociopaths


	4. Chapter 4

                 Fold in the butter. Roll the dough in to a long rectangle until it’s about a quarter inch thick and make a four fold. Quarter turn. Roll the dough again and do a three fold. Steve always found the process of laminating dough to be relaxing. The repeated rolling and folding of the chilled dough left a pleasant ache in his shoulders as each layer of dough and butter became too thin and numerous to count.

                The house was quiet as the first rays of sunlight began to color the sky pink. The scent of rising bread and fresh coffee was thick in the air, reminding him of early mornings spent in the bakery at school. After the final four fold Steve tucked the dough back in to the fridge, wiping flour off his hands and on to his jeans. He turned to look around the counter for his missing mug of coffee, ready to take a short break while the dough rested, when he heard feet shuffling across the tile.

                Assuming that Peggy had gotten up early, Steve grabbed a clean mug from the cupboards without turning around. “Want some coffee?”

                “Fuck yes,” a deep voice that certainly did not belong to Peggy answered.

                Steve took in a few deep breaths before pouring the hot liquid. Even with caffeine it was too early for this. He turned to place the mug on the edge of the bar, carefully keeping his eyes diverted from James. “I don’t know how you take it,” he mumbled, cursing his phrasing when he heard a snort of laughter.

                “Well that’s a rather loaded question before I’ve even had my coffee,” James teased. “Milk and sugar please.”

                Steve sighed in relief as he grabbed the ingredients; he supposed he was lucky to get off that easily. Unable to ignore looking at the other man any longer, Steve set the small sugar jar and cream down and took the opportunity to study him. James was dressed in a rumpled grey t-shirt and dark blue pajama pants that hung loosely off his hips and dragged down past his feet. The dark brown stubble that had grown highlighted the contours of his face in a way that made him look gaunt and Steve feel the need to cook him a hearty meal.

                “God, I think drinking that might actually kill you,” Steve said as he watched James stir in his third heaping spoonful of sugar. “That or you won’t sleep again for a week.”

                James shot him a weary smile as he took a large sip of his coffee. “That’s fine, I don’t really sleep anyways.”

                The longer Steve looked at him the more obvious that became. Once he stopped checking out his adorably messy bed head he noticed the dark circles under his eyes. James looked haunted as he hunched over his cup and in the dim morning light he appeared years younger than the confident man that had been swaggering around the party the night before.

                “After the Army and early morning classes at school I’ve decided that sleep is entirely overrated.” Steve shot James a small smile before he made his way back to his work. The rapidly lightening sky reminded him that he had less than three hours before brunch was served and the croissants wouldn’t shape themselves.

                Steve started to roll out his dough in the comfortable silence while James seemed content to watch Steve work, only moving to refill both of their coffee cups whenever they got low. As he rolled the triangles into their final shape and lined them carefully on trays Steve thought about how different James seemed from the flirtatious man he had first met and the cold, confident one from last night. He couldn’t help but hope that this version would stick around for a while.

XXXX

                Over the next month Steve got to know the different versions of himself that James showed to the world. He wore each persona like a mask, carefully exposing only what he wanted those around him to see. One fell easily in to another and Steve wondered how anyone could keep that many versions of themselves straight.

                James often skipped the family meals during the week only to come stumbling in, drunk more often than not, as Steve was cleaning the last of the pots and pans to look for leftovers. One memorable Saturday he had stumbled through the door that led to the patio at a quarter to midnight with a busty brunette wrapped around his waist. Steve had tried his best not to watch as they paused to lean against the counter, seemingly oblivious of his presence. However, there was no way that he could ignore the sound of lips sliding against lips or the throaty groan that James made. That sinfully deep groan had played on repeat in Steve’s ears, blocking out everything else until he had to make a quick escape. As he pulled on his jacket and opened the door to the garage he heard that same needy groan followed by a whispered curse.

Steve had practically jumped on to his bike, thankful for the cold breeze now blowing against his face and willing the tightness in his jeans to go away. While he suspected that James brought new women home most nights of the week, he never allowed himself to stay late enough to witness it again.

                During the day time though, James was an ever present force who spent most of his time lounging around the house, flirting shamelessly with Steve whenever their paths crossed. The worst part was the large floor to ceiling windows that looked out over the patio to the pool. Steve willed winter to come quickly so he would no longer have to bear the curse of watching James float across the surface or the way that he swam laps, every muscle in his back prominent as he powered through the water. He always made sure to come through the doors to the kitchen, towel wrapped loosely around his waist. Steve was becoming fairly certain that the sight of water droplets rolling slowly down that chiseled chest was going to kill him when paired with the wink that James always sent his way before leaving.

                Nights when James was surrounded by his family or their guests were always the worst, the tension palpable in the air. While to the casual observer James looked relaxed and confident, Steve had learned to notice the twitch in his jaw whenever one of them touched him. He could always see the emptiness that came over his expression and those normally responsive eyes. While he was no closer to figuring out what it was, Steve was convinced that something about these people was triggering a past trauma for James.

                Early Sunday mornings after a stressful dinner party were becoming Steve’s favorite time of the week. Without fail, after he had been cooking for about fifteen minutes James would shuffle in to perch on a stool at the bar and watch him cook. After the second week of this new routine Steve had begun to wait to make coffee so that it would be fresh, always pouring a second mug before James could ask. When it was just the two of them, wrapped in the safety of the dim kitchen, James seemed to be at his most vulnerable.

                The first week he had spent his time asking Steve questions about his life in the military, seemingly happy to listen to countless stories of tasteless rations and endless desert missions. The second week he had opened up for the first time, quietly whispering, “Bucky,” when Steve passed him his coffee. Steve had paused, trying to put the name into context with what he knew about James.

                “You can call me Bucky,” he had offered in explanation.

                Steve watched as the other man poured sugar in to his mug, looking for some signal as to how he should proceed with this new information. “Bucky?” He asked, cursing his lack of tact so early in the morning.

                James refused to meet his eyes, staring pointedly at his coffee. It was too dark to be sure but Steve was pretty sure he saw the traces of a blush spreading across his cheeks. “My full name is James Buchanan Barnes. My friends have always called me Bucky,” he explained.

                Steve felt something in his chest clench at the way James, no Bucky, whispered the word ‘friends’. Was that what they were now? Friends? As he watched Bucky shift uncomfortably in his seat at the lengthy silence Steve smiled. After a month of observing the man, Steve had yet to see him with anyone more than once, let alone someone that could be considered a friend.

“Alright then. Bucky.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Steve, I promise I will resolve all this sexual tension soon!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has taken to the time to read this and for showing so much love! I'm halfway done with the next chapter so you can expect it soon!
> 
> As always feel free to come hang out and talk to me on tumblr as ScienceofSociopaths about these nerds


	5. Chapter 5

                “God Peggy he is just so infuriating!” Steve groaned as he threw a bag of beets a little too harshly in to his reusable bag.

                “What happened this time?”

                Strolling through the seemingly endless stalls of the farmers market on Saturday mornings was normally Steve’s favorite part of his job. The Barnes family gave him an unlimited budget to spend on produce each week, insisting on the best quality local ingredients he could find, something that Steve was more than happy to do. The neatly stacked rows of assorted produce creating a rainbow of colors around him always made his fingers itch for a chance to draw them.

                “Long week Steve?” Even over the phone he could see her knowing smile as he ranted about Bucky.

                “You could say that. I mean I just don’t understand him. One minute he’s acting like we’re friends, the next he’s flaunting some new girl in front of me. I mean I get it, he’s good looking and can get whatever girl he wants. What with that damn jaw and those eyes, I mean damn Pegs have you ever seen eyes that green? With those eyes and the way he looks in those damn skinny-“

                “Steve! Focus!” Peggy interrupted, her laughter barely contained.

                “Sorry,” he mumbled, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “I get it he’s straight and clearly not lonely so why does he keep flirting with me?”

                “Well how do you know that?”

                Steve paused from where he was inspecting a bunch of asparagus. “How do I know what?”

                “How do you know he is heterosexual?”

                He felt his heart rate quicken slightly at her tone. “Well he parades enough women through the kitchen every week. Why, what do you know?”

                Peggy sighed and her ‘honestly Steve how can you not know’ look was almost audible. “Don’t judge someone based solely on what you see in just a few instances Steve.”

                Was she really suggesting… she couldn’t be… Steve’s mind raced as he froze. “What are you saying Peggy?”

                “Look Steve I have to go, besides it is really not my place to tell you these things. If you have questions about Bucky, ask Bucky.”

                The line went dead as she hung up on him and Steve became suddenly aware that he must look foolish frozen in place, a bunch of asparagus half way to his basket. He had been aware for a while now that something had happened in Bucky’s past that was being kept from him but now he had no idea what to think. At least the produce was beautiful.

XXXX

                Steve never got a chance to dwell on the new information that Peggy had insinuated. That evening she came strolling in to the kitchen, her perfectly manicured hands carrying a small black briefcase that was over flowing with papers. As she slid gracefully on to a stool, and really who can gracefully sit on stools anyway, Steve set down his knife he was using to chop vegetables. Her no-nonsense, get to business look was more intimidating than most of the officers he had served under.

                “What can I do for you Peggy?” He asked, eyebrow quirked in interest as she began to unload her papers and sort them in to piles.

                “No time for pleasantries Steven,” she snapped. Steve raised his hands up in surrender. He had seen Peggy stressed before but this was a whole new level. Peggy sighed deeply and looked up at him, her intense expression fading into one that suggested she needed a good night’s sleep.

                “Sorry, you’re new here. You don’t know what this time of year means.”

                Steve glanced out the window, momentarily checking to make sure it wasn’t winter already. He was not ready for the holidays. “Um, what is so special about October? They don’t seem like big Halloween people.”

                Peggy shot him a look that suggested she was not amused by his weak attempt at a joke. “Every October the Barnes family hosts a large dinner in support of Secretary of Defense Alexander Pierce. They have been big supporters of his career since he was still a Senator. We have two weeks until some of the most important people in the country descend to this very house. Every detail must be perfect.”

                Steve let out a low whistle. This was bigger than anything he had done before, well, besides invading a country.

                “What’s so cool?” At some point during their conversation Bucky had snuck in to the room. While he was not necessarily a small man, Bucky hardly made a sound when he moved, like he was trying to fade in to the background. Bucky was dressed for a night out with dark jeans that were so tight they seemed to be painted on to his body and a dark green Henley that exposed just the right amount of skin.

                Steve jumped when he felt an arm wrap around his waist to grab a piece of carrot off the cutting board in front of him. The feeling of Bucky so close to him that he could feel his body heat through so many layers of clothing sent Steve’s heart rate skyrocketing. It pounded in his ears and he swore it had to be loud enough for them to hear as well. Bucky Barnes was going to be the death of him.

                “We’re just discussing an upcoming dinner party,” Steve stuttered. Bucky moved around the bar to sit next to Peggy and glance through her papers. “The one your parents host for Secretary Pierce.”

                Across the bar Bucky froze, a piece of julienned carrot raised halfway to his mouth and the color slowly draining from his face. “No no no no,” he muttered softly, dropping the carrot and papers he was holding to run his hands nervously through his hair.

                “Bucky?” Steve asked, trying not to panic as he watched his friend become more and more distressed.

                Bucky’s head snapped up when he heard his name. His eyes were wide in fear and he protectively held his left arm to his chest. “I have to go.” Without another word he fled from the room and out in to the garage, the door slamming shut behind him.

                Steve looked to Peggy for help. “What did I do?”

                The sound of breaks screeching as Bucky’s Tesla speed out of the driveway was the only sound in the silent kitchen for a few seconds before she let out a deep sigh. “Oh Steve, you didn’t do anything.” She pinched the bridge of her nose lightly, trying to find a way out of the situation they had run in to.

                “Well something clearly happened!” Steve heard his voice rise in frustration but he couldn’t find it in him to care. The whole situation was starting to get ridiculous.”

                Peggy looked pained as she watched him. “I’m so sorry Steve, I wish I could tell you. It’s just not my place to tell Bucky’s secrets. You being here has been so good for him, please just give him time.”

                Steve let out the breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. Peggy looked so sincere and he had never been able to stay mad at someone who didn’t truly deserve it. “Okay, okay,” he said. “What do you want for the menu?”

XXXX

                Even though October had just begun there was already a chill in the air as Steve drove in to work the next morning. The cool breeze helped wake him up after he spent most of the night tossing and turning. He hadn’t been able to get Bucky’s panicked expression out of his mind, and even though he had lingered last night, he never saw the other man come home.

                When he walked in to the kitchen about ten minutes earlier than he normally go there, he was surprised to smell fresh coffee. The small light over the sink was on, casting deep shadows across the room. Over by the large picture windows, two dining chairs had been shoved together to form a bench. Bucky was curled up across them, his back against the glass and his lap covered by a soft blanket.

                “Good morning,” Steve whispered, not sure whether or not his friend was awake. He knew how little sleep Bucky got and he’d be damned if he was going to interrupt a minute of it.

                “Hey,” a groggy voice answered. Not asleep then.

                “Mind if I turn on another light?” Steve asked as he tucked his jacket in to the linen closet.

                “Knock yourself out.”

                The lights flickered on slowly and Steve felt his stomach clench, with an emotion he would rather not think to hard about, when he saw Bucky properly. He was still dressed in his clothes from last night and the dark circles under his eyes had deepened so much that Steve was momentarily concerned Bucky had gotten a black eye.

                “Jesus Buck, did you get any sleep at all?” Steve sighed as he brought over both of their coffees, one black and the other sickeningly sweet.

                Bucky groaned as he sat up, his back stiff after spending a few hours slumped against a window. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” he grumbled, shooting Steve what he probably thought was a reassuring smile.

                “If you keep going like this that moment will be sooner than previously anticipated. Who would hang around and try to muck up my food then, huh?” Bucky let out a huff of laughter that eased the tightness in Steve’s chest momentarily. “Buck, what happened last night?”

                Bucky stared intently at his coffee as they sat in silence. “I just really hate those political parties,” he eventually mumbled.

                Steve ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath to calm himself. Why would no one give him any information? Bucky looked so small though as he sat, curled in to himself that Steve couldn’t find it in his heart to push further.

                “Well sure you do, everyone hates politicians.” Bucky cracked a small smile, the corner of his mouth lifting up slightly.

                Steve closed his hand over one of Bucky’s and squeezed gently. “You know you can talk to me about anything Bucky. No pressure, just a reminder. I served overseas for six years; nothing you could say would send me away. I’m with you until the end of the line pal, even if you are a little punk.”

                Bucky looked relieved and smiled completely for the first time since last night. “I know jerk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Sorry this too so long to come out. I just got one of my hands put in a cast so I'm a little slow at the typing. 
> 
> Thank you so freaking much to everyone for reading and to those of you beautiful souls who have left the nicest comments ever. It makes my day to see people enjoying my little brain child.
> 
> In case anyone was wondering, I actually spent a few hours and picked out real estate for both of these goobers before I started this.  
>  Here is the Barnes house:  
> http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/2320-2330-S-St-Nw_Washington_DC_20008_M59039-33314?row=1
> 
> Such swag right? I'm taking some liberties with the kitchen and I threw in a pool but this is the basic design.
> 
> Steve and Sam live here. It's about 15 minutes from Bucky and 15 from the VA where Sam works ( or so says google maps)  
> http://www.realtor.com/realestateand%20homes-detail/156-U-Street-Ne_Washington_DC_20002_M65066-47020?row=17
> 
> Thanks again and I'll try to have the next chapter done by Monday!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please heed the tags. This chapter will include mentions of past abuse which may be upsetting. You can come ask me on tumblr for specifics if you're concerned.

_A sharp pounding on the door woke Bucky out of his sleep. He sat up slowly and looked groggily around his apartment for the source of the offending noise. He was starting to think he had imagined the whole thing when he heard it again. “Come on Buck, let me in,” a voice yelled, the words slurred together slightly._

_A glance at the clock next to the bed told him it was just before four in the morning. Way too late, or early, for any sane person to be visiting._

_“Baby, I know you’re in there.” The pounding on his door got harder causing Bucky to roll off his bed with a sigh. Better go let him in before he broke the damn door down._

_When the door swung open he saw Brock leaning against the frame. Even cast in shadows from the backlighting of the street lamps Bucky could make out Brock’s leering grin and the way his eyes slowly moved down his body. Suddenly aware that he was only dressed in an old t-shirt and his boxer briefs Bucky moved to let the other man inside._

_As Brock stumbled inside Bucky could smell the stench of liquor and cigarettes blow past him. He locked the door with a sigh, trying to prepare himself for whatever was to come. In a flash the room shifted and Bucky was pushed up against the door to his bedroom. His arms were painfully pinned over his head at a height that meant he had to stand on his toes to relieve some of the pressure on his shoulders._

_With his free hand Brock pawed roughly across any bare skin he could find, and when that wasn’t enough he made more. The sound of cotton ripping was loud in the quiet apartment as the tatters of what had been one of Bucky’s favorite t-shirts drifted down to the floor. “I liked that shirt,” Bucky muttered, wincing when the grip on his wrists tightened._

_“Shut up whore,” Brock grunted, biting at the skin on Bucky’s chest to accentuate his point._

_Bucky bit back a pained whimper before the room shifted again. The world going dim and foggy around him before it cleared with a well aimed slap to the head. Pain shot through Bucky as a large hand struck him again. Somehow they had made it in to his bed, his protests falling on deaf ears. His cries of pain turned into soft sobs as the blows kept coming. Thankfully the sharp crack of skin on skin drowned out most of the litany of insults and filth that Brock kept repeating._

_“Please,” he whispered again. One last desperate attempt before what he knew was about to occur._

_Two rough hands gripped his hips before the room blacked out again. The next thing Bucky knew, he was curled up on the floor of the kitchen. It hurt too much to sit after Brock had finished but that was nothing compared to the pain that radiated up his left arm. Just a little longer, he thought as he stared at the floor. Everything shifted in to black and white as his consciousness began to fade. Previously dark crimson puddles became just another dark shadow cast across the floor._

A scream tore out of his throat as Bucky jolted awake. Panic and adrenaline coursed through his veins as he shifted to lean against the wooden headboard. The sheets from his bed had been flung across the room and his shirt clung to him, soaked through with sweat. Shivering he tried to forget the dream but flashes kept popping back up until the fear was so intense that he scrambled for the nearest trashcan. As he retched he ran one hand through his sweaty hair, trying desperately to stop shaking.

                It had been weeks since he’d had a nightmare this intense. Bucky flipped on the bedside lamp, casting a soft glow across the room. He could still smell the sweat, booze, cigarettes and blood from his dream and with every blink of his eye he saw Brock again. The clock told him it was only three in the morning; two hours since he had stumbled in to bed after leaving Anna, no that hadn’t been her name. Angie? Bucky shook his head, giving up. Whatever her name was she couldn’t help him now.

                Slowly the shaking subsided, but the terror that gripped him all the way to his bones refused to fade. Before he could question his actions, his cell phone was in his hands and ringing. Bucky held his breath as it rang once, twice. After the fourth ring, just when he had given up on anyone answering the line crackled with life.

                “Hello?” The voice on the other end was soft and rough with sleep but undeniably Steve’s. Bucky felt paralyzed as he listened to the steady breathing in his ear. The panic began to well up in his chest again. What was he doing? “Buck? You there?”

                “Hey,” Bucky responded after another pause. His throat was raw and painful, making him wonder just how much he had been screaming before he woke up.

                “You okay?” Steve’s concern was palpable, and Bucky could feel the latest bout of panic begin to recede. Even though he couldn’t explain why, he knew that everything would be okay now; Steve was here.

                Bucky cleared his throat and grimaced at the lingering taste of sick in his mouth. “Bad dream.” He rolled out of bed and shuffled over to the bathroom to rinse his mouth out. Suddenly he felt incredibly juvenile for calling Steve in the middle of the night over a nightmare.

                “Do you want to talk about it? I know sometimes after I have nightmares it helps to tell Sam about them.”

                Bucky blanched at the thought of telling Steve about his dream. Telling Steve would mean explaining and explaining meant Steve would leave and Bucky knew he couldn’t let that happen. “Yeah? Put him on the phone then,” he joked half heartedly, trying to deflect Steve’s question.

                Steve chuckled softly. “Hilarious.”

                Bucky sat in silence, debating with himself on how much he should tell Steve. He could lie and say he didn’t remember but the thought of lying to Steve made his stomach churn angrily again.

                “Hey Buck, you still there? Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to tell me anything. We can just sit here as long as you need.”        

                “Tell me something,” Bucky whispered. Steve’s voice was soothing to the point where he didn’t care what he was saying any more. He just wanted to listen to Steve talk.

                Steve hummed in thought. “Tell you what?”

                “I don’t know. Stories.” Bucky felt heat spread across his cheeks as he waited for Steve to laugh at his request, but it never came.

                “Well I’m not that exciting but I’ll try.” For a moment Steve was quiet, the rustle of sheets as he got comfortable was the only sound to come across the line. “Okay well I grew up in Brooklyn, but you know that already. My dad was in the Army and died during the Gulf War when I was about 10. My ma was a nurse and after he died she had to work herself to the bone to support us both. I had a lot of time to myself while she was at work but not very many friends. I actually used to get in to a fair amount of trouble around the neighborhood. Had a real bad habit of getting in to fights.”

                Bucky shifted back on to the bed, pulling a blanket over himself as he tried to get comfortable again. The steady sound of Steve’s voice in his ear eased the remaining tension and panic from his body. His breathing was no longer fast and labored but slowed down to match Steve’s. For the first time after one of his nightmares he felt almost relaxed. The rumbling baritone searched out the darkest shadows of his mind and pushed away any hints of Brock that tried to remain. With Steve’s voice in his ear he no longer felt so lonely, and his bed didn’t feel so empty.

                “Hey Steve,” Bucky mumbled, interrupting his friend’s story about a dog he’d found as a kid.

                “Yeah Buck?”

                “Thank you.”

                Bucky pictured the smile that he knew was stretching slowly across Steve’s face and lighting up those deep blue eyes as he replied. “You’re welcome Buck. Now hush up, I was just getting to the good part.”

                Bucky let out a huff of laughter as his head sank back against the pillows. Steve carried on softly telling stories from his youth. Silly and potentially embarrassing stories that he had never shared before, because he thought they might make Bucky laugh. Hours later as the first rays of sunlight began to creep through the windows Bucky finally fell back asleep to the sound of his voice; no longer scared of what might be waiting for him in his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, it was a hard chapter to write. My poor sweet Bucky.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left love on the previous chapters and for all the sweet wishes about my hand. Y'all are all so sweet and made me tear up a little bit.
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter and get ready for next time: Pierce's party! Dun dun dun!
> 
> Also come talk to me on tumblr about these nerds at ScienceofSociopaths


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone wants to know what the menu is for the party:
> 
> Bite Sized Seared Crab Cakes  
> Grilled Swordfish Skewers with Pineapple Salsa  
> Morel Mushroom and Polenta Diamonds  
> Stuffed Piquillo Peppers  
> Grilled Scallops wrapped in Prosciutto  
> Crab Salad Canapés  
> Spicy Tuna served on Graufettes  
> Endive Boats with Marinated Root Vegetables  
> Assorted Flavors of Macarons
> 
> Because yes I plan a full menu for every meal these losers eat

_“First I would just like to thank everyone for coming tonight to show our support for Secretary Alexander Pierce.”_

                The weeks leading up to the dinner party had passed by in a blur of activity as everyone struggled to get everything prepared in time. Bucky had been even more distant than usual ever since their late night talk but Steve had been too busy to do much about it. He was no closer to figuring out what had made his friend so upset because no matter how aloof Bucky acted, a five hour long phone call at three in the morning meant they were officially friends.

                _“Secretary Pierce’s work in the community has always been above and beyond that of his peers. His generosity can be witnessed all over the city.”_

                In the final hours before the guests started to arrive Bucky had snuck through the bustle of people and past the sharp eye of his mother in to the kitchen. While he should have been getting dressed for the night he was still wore a pair of well worn jeans and a white Henley that affected Steve more than a shirt had any right to. It took Steve longer than normal to notice the intruder in his space as Bucky slid to sit on the floor behind the large island. From his hiding place he was out of sight to anyone who did not know where to look for him. Steve had almost tripped over his feet when he moved to rotate the pans in the oven.

                With a curse Steve had crouched down to his friend’s level to figure out what the hell was going on. Bucky had implored Steve to let him stay and the nervous tension in his brow and the fear in his eyes had been all the argument Steve needed.  Figuring Bucky was just trying to escape the wrath of his stressed mother Steve returned to cooking, unable to hide his smile every time a hand brushed against his leg.

                _“Even when the Secretary was just starting out in politics fou- well let’s just say a few- years ago, it was obvious that he would help shape the world  for decades to come.”_

                Now, Steve stood with Peggy off to the side of the largest of the banquet rooms in the Barnes estate, wastching as everyone deemed important on the east coast took a second to publicly kiss ass.  Secretary Pierce was an imposing figure. While he appeared relaxed listening to the toasts in his honor, Steve could see him taking in every detail. His eyes were sharp and the lines in his face gave him a menacing quality that was exaggerated by the low lighting. As he made his rounds through the crowd his body guard was never more than a few feet away, an ominous shadow wherever his boss went.

                The toasts were winding to a merciful close when Bucky finally arrived, making his way to the bar with a forced smile fixed in place. He had ditched his comfortable jeans for a perfectly tailored suit that made Steve’s heart skip a beat. Peggy smirked up at him knowingly as he fidgeted nervously with his chef coat before muttering something about macarons as he made a hasty retreat to the kitchen.

                The ground floor was peaceful, only faint sounds from the party above could be heard floating down the stairs. Steve fumbled for a glass of water and took a moment to regain his composure. During the months that he had been working for the Barnes family he had seen Bucky in various states of dress, and undress. Bucky always looked good but tonight, well tonight he looked incredible. The soft lighting accented his features in a way that made Steve’s fingers itch for his pencils and a sketch pad for the first time in years.

                “Dammit Rogers, you’re acting like a fool. Pull yourself together,” Steve muttered to himself, trying to do his best impression of his CO.

                A small smattering of applause echoed down the empty hallways before the soft strains of music took its place. The time for hiding was over. With a final deep breath Steve grabbed two trays of brightly colored macarons and made his way back upstairs.

XXX

                Bucky took a deep breath as he entered the room. He was an hour late and knew his mother would kill him later for it, but really she should just be lucky he had shown up at all. He made a beeline for the bar, trying to keep memories from last year’s event at bay and a pleasant smile on his face.

                This time last year he had been three drinks in and sneaking down the hall to the nearest open room. He distinctly remembered the feeling over rough stubble dragging across his neck as Brock tore at his bowtie and collar to nip roughly at his neck. By the time they had finished he his suit had been too debauched to return to the party. They had been sneaking around for months by then and Bucky had fancied himself in love. He scoffed at his own naiveté while he waited for the bartender to pour him ‘the largest fucking glass of the most expensive Scotch he could find’.

                Across the room Brock leered from behind his boss, one corner of his mouth raised in a smirk. Bucky refused to look at him as he downed his first drink and motioned for another. He could feel eyes boring in to him and the familiar clench of panic in his stomach. He never should have agreed to come, but after endless talk of family obligations he had promised.

                “James! What a pleasant surprise.”

                Bucky fought the urge to shudder as one of the voices from his nightmares washed over him. Biting his lip, he turned around to glare at Secratary Pierce. “You know mother would never let me miss such an important night,” he bit out, trying to keep his expression neutral. “No matter the circumstances.”

                Pierce’s undoubtedly patronizing response fell on deaf ears when his body guard sidled up behind him. Brock’s gaze left a burning trail as he slowly took in every inch of Bucky’s appearance. When their eyes met, he licked his lips slowly and mouthed ‘later’.

                The anxiety that had been eating at him all day reared its head and Bucky felt his chest begin to tighten. He bit back a whine and looked desperately around the room for an escape. A full blown panic attack was the last thing he needed right now.

                As if he had planned it, Steve stepped in to the room, his arms full of trays laden with some sort of pretentious looking dessert. Bucky watched him move across the room, mentally screaming out for help. It felt like his body was filled with lead as Pierce continued to monologue about how he could really use someone like Bucky in his office.

                Ever observant, Peggy caught a glance of his panicked expression and made her way quickly over to Steve where he was gently placing wayward macarons back into their small pyramid. “Peggy, what’s wrong?” he asked, startled, as she grabbed him by the elbow and began to pull him through the crowd. Her lips were pursed in to a thin line that Steve had only seen a handful of times as they walked. He could feel her perfectly manicured nails digging in to his arm through his coat and figured it would be best to just go along with wherever she was taking him. A tense Peggy Carter was not something to be trifled with.

                They broke through a small group of people and Steve finally realized where she was leading him. Bucky stood with his back to them but the tension in his body was obvious. Steve tried to make sense of the scene in front of him but he couldn’t understand why Bucky was so on edge around Secretary Pierce. As a Barnes he had grown up going to functions and surrounded by important people, what made Pierce different?

                “Secretary Pierce, good evening,” Peggy interrupted, as she pulled up next to the small group. “I would like to take a moment to introduce you to the man responsible for the wonderful food tonight; Chef Steve Rogers.”

                The older man turned to look at them, his expression perfectly schooled. Definitely a politician, Steve thought. Standing behind Pierce was a man that made every nerve in Steve’s body stand on edge. He held himself differently than the other socialites in the room. His gaze was cold and a quick once over told Steve that he was armed. Pierce had brought his own security to a private party; interesting.

                “It is a pleasure to meet you Chef,” Pierce said, grasping Steve’s hand firmly and interrupting his train of thought. “The food is just exquisite.”

                Steve nodded politely but his attention was focused on the man next to him. Bucky was still visibly on edge but seemed to have relaxed slightly with Steve’s presence.

                “You look familiar,” Pierce hummed as he looked Steve over as if trying to place where he knew him from.

                “You presented me with a medal of honor a few years ago sir,” Steve offered, feeling slightly uncomfortably at the attention as Peggy made her exit.

                “Yes the Bronze Star if I remember correctly; for the Hydra initiative.”

                Bucky looked over to Steve for the first time since he had arrived, the nervous look on his face shifting into curiosity. Even Pierce’s body guard raised an eyebrow at him, seemingly impressed. Steve rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Yes sir.” There was no way that he was going to get away without explaining this to Bucky later.

                “Well Captain it seems as though civilian life is treating you well.” Pierce looked him over again with a smirk that clearly said what he thought about Steve’s life choices. “Now if you both will excuse me the French Ambassador has been trying to get my attention for a while now. Remember what I said James,” he said before slipping away.

                Steve shot a glance at Bucky who had stayed suspiciously quiet during their exchange before noticing that Pierce’s bodyguard had lingered behind. When neither of them made any movement to introduce him, Steve held out a hand. “Steve Rogers.”

                The body guard tore his eyes away from Bucky and gripped Steve’s hand roughly. “Brock Rumlow,” he responding, his lips curling in to a sneer. Something about him made Steve uneasy and he had to fight back the urge to step between him and Bucky.

                Before Steve could decide whether or not to follow his protective urge, Brock closed the distance between Bucky and himself. Bucky held his breath as Brock slipped a hand around his waist to settle on his lower back and pull him in close. “Your guard dog won’t always be around,” he murmured; lips brushing against the shell of Bucky’s ear. “See you later baby.”

                With a final sneer at Steve, Brock broke away to follow his boss.  Steve turned to watch him go as he tried to process what he had witnessed. “What the hell was that?”

                As Brock’s back faded in to a sea of black suits Steve turned his attention back to Bucky, immediately concerned by what he saw. The color had drained from Bucky’s face and he was shaking; the ice in his glass clinking lightly. Trying not to panic, Steve pulled his friend towards the nearest exit.

                The closest door led them out on to an empty balcony that overlooked the massive garden that made up the Barnes’s backyard. The cool evening air rushed over them and the sounds of the party faded in to the sounds of the city as Steve closed the door. Bucky moved over to the rail with such urgency that Steve was almost concerned he might try to jump.

                “Fuck!” Bucky yelled in to the night air, throwing his glass as hard as he could over the edge. The crystal tumbler flew across the yard, catching the lights before it disappeared into the darkness. Steve stood back, feeling helpless as Bucky gripped the railing; knuckles turning white under the strain. “Fuck,” he repeated quietly, his voice straining over the word.

                Bucky could feel Steve’s presence behind him but couldn’t find it in himself to care if the other man saw him breakdown. All he could hear were Brock’s words playing again and again; his ear burning where lips had brushed against it. His knuckles ached from his death grip on the rail but he refused to let go. Without the ache in his hands, the phantom pains in his arm would be overwhelming.

                _See you later baby. See you later baby. See you later-_ “Bucky!”

                Steve’s voice broke through the roar and Bucky released his hold and turned around slowly. A breeze hit his cheeks and he was suddenly aware that he had been crying in front of Steve. Again. Steve let out a relieved sigh as Bucky slowly took in his surroundings. Warm, strong arms wrapped around Bucky’s shoulders as Steve pulled him in close. Bucky felt the tension he had been carrying all day slowly fade away, his own arms snaking around Steve’s waist. The steady beat of Steve’s heart under his head helped ground him to the present until he stopped shaking.

                “You scared the crap out of me Buck,” Steve muttered, voice muffled by Bucky’s hair.

                “Sorry,” Bucky mumbled, silently praying that Steve wouldn’t let go just yet. “Panic attack. I just got a little overwhelmed by all the people in there.”

                Steve shook his head lightly at the obvious lie, before hugging Bucky tighter. Bucky let out a content sigh and Steve decided not to call him out on the lie just yet. He had seen panic attacks like this before in some of the combat veterans with PTSD that Sam treated. Bucky had to open up when he was ready, not just because Steve wanted answers. Until then he would just try to be there for his friend, and possibly try to get him to meet Sam. It was an underhanded move, but it was one that Steve was okay with.

                “Thanks,” Bucky whispered. 

His voice sent vibrations through Steve’s chest that reminded him just how close they were. “Anytime punk,” Steve replied. Bucky chuckled lightly and Steve’s heart swelled with affection. It was too late to wish this stupid crush away he realized. Like it or not he was head over heels for Bucky Barnes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew. I'm so sorry this took so long to get out. For some reason I had a really hard time writing this chapter. It turned out more dramatic and a lot longer than I had intended but I'm happy with the results. Hopefully y'all will be too. 
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who has left so much love on this story and for just reading it in general!
> 
> Comments are always appreciated. See y'all soon!


	8. Chapter 8

                Steve didn’t bring up what had happened at the party again, and as the days turned into weeks he realized that Bucky wasn’t going to mention it either. In fact, during the two weeks that passed he hardly spoke to his friend.

                Bucky had previously spent his afternoons lounging around the kitchen, sneaking bits of food when he thought Steve wouldn’t see, before going out for the night. Now he spent most afternoons locked up in his room, skulking out the front door as soon as the sun began to set. Steve had begun to stay later and later in the evenings, hoping to catch a glimpse of him coming home, even if it was with a girl. Anything to know his friend was okay, no matter how much it hurt to see. More often than not Steve left before he showed up, and when their paths did cross Bucky was always too drunk or high to notice him.

                Steve knew that his friend had experienced some sort of a trauma and during the many years of their friendship Sam had explained the potential effects of PTSD over and over again. Some people sought help while others self medicated, and while that was by no means the healthy way to cope it was common. However, hearing that what Bucky was doing was normal did nothing to make it any easier to watch.

                “Higher on the left Steve.” Peggy’s voice cut through Steve’s thoughts, shocking him back to the present and making him wobble on the ladder.

                “Jesus!” Steve cursed, dropping the end of garland in his hands in favor of getting a better grasp on the rung above him.       Below him Peggy chuckled as she kneeled gracefully to pick up the orange and red leaves. It was a week before Thanksgiving and Steve had been pulled from the kitchen to help decorate before the entire extended Barnes family descended on to the house. Peggy was gleefully directing him from a safe distance as he tried to weave garland around the chandelier and banisters in the main entrance.

                “Well if you had been paying attention and thinking with your larger head you would have heard me the first time,” she chided, unable to hide her grin.

                Steve flushed and held his tongue as he descended low enough to get the decorations he had dropped. “Have you seen him?” He muttered as he tapped a nail in to the wall.

                “Of course Steven, I see everything.” Peggy watched him work for a minute before she took pity on him and sighed. “He’s been more active during the past few days. I haven’t heard as many nightmares from his room; or if he is having them, they are less intense. I haven’t seen him high all week. He’s actually out to lunch with an old college buddy who came home for Thanksgiving.”

                Steve felt a pang of envy at the idea of Bucky going out with other friends when he hadn’t said as much as hello to him in days. He pushed the feeling down and told himself he was being stupid. Bucky was allowed to have other friends and any progress he might be making was good. Besides, he was probably just embarrassed that Steve had seen him so vulnerable.

                “That’s good that he’s, you know, out,” Steve said, grimacing when he realized how jealous and petty he sounded.

                Peggy snorted as she tried, and failed, to keep back her laughter. Steve couldn’t help but grin. One of his favorite things about his friend was how easily she crossed the line between the perfect, demure woman to someone who snorted and pointed out his stupid mistakes. Her laughter was infectious and it felt good to laugh after he had been worried for so long.

                Steve was climbing back down to reposition the ladder when the sound of something scraping against the door caught his attention. Peggy heard it as well, her laughter dying down instantly. Steve took in her suddenly professional demeanor and realized that what he was hearing was someone’s rather poor attempts to get their key in to the lock and open the door. This early in the afternoon they had no idea who to expect so it was a good idea to be on their best behavior. Mr. Barnes always seemed uncomfortable whenever he walked in on his staff having a personal conversation.

                The scratching faded away and Steve felt himself jump slightly when something thudded loudly against the wood. His soldier’s instincts took over immediately and in an instant he was off the ladder and putting himself between Peggy and the possible danger. She cleared her throat behind him, preparing to tell him off for assuming she needed his protection when they heard a loud moan. The sound was muffled by the heavy door but when it was followed by a second, softer noise it was unmistakable.

                Steve turned to gape dumbly at Peggy as the scratching started anew until a click echoed through the silent room and the door swung open. The door was kicked shut and Steve turned around just in time to watch Bucky throw someone roughly against the wood before moving back in to capture their mouth in another kiss.

                Steve felt his heart skip a beat and his stomach drop when Bucky began to kiss his way down their neck. A tall man was leaning against the door, his hands fisted in Bucky’s short locks and his eyes scrunched closed in ecstasy. Steve blinked twice; sure his mind was just playing tricks on him. There was no way that Bucky had just come crashing through the front door in the middle of the day with a guy. He was straight… right?

                Bucky let out a groan that brought Steve’s racing brain back in to focus. Not only was Bucky with another man, but he was with one that looked remarkably like Steve. The man had at least four inches on Bucky and light blonde hair that was cut short. The mystery man appeared to be well built as well but it was hard to tell under a- really a brown leather jacket? Could this guy be any more similar? Steve glanced back at Peggy to make sure she was seeing the same thing he was. Her knowing smirk told him she was and when she turned to sort through the decorations like there was nothing special going on Steve had to assume this was not a rare occurrence.

                The blonde man wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist before flipping them around smoothly. Bucky’s head made a soft sound as it hit the door but he didn’t seem to notice it as the other man slowly sunk to his knees right there on the hard marble. Steve bit back a noise as he watched, unable to tear his eyes away from something he had only seen in his most embarrassingly graphic dreams. He must not have been successful because Bucky’s eyes flew open, searching out the source. Even from where he stood halfway across the hall Steve could see Bucky’s normally bright green eyes dark with lust, his pupils blown wide.

                Where most people would have been alarmed to find themselves being watched, Bucky smiled as he locked eyes with Steve. The other man didn’t seem to notice anything unusual as he continued his path down Bucky’s chest to work on undoing his belt. Bucky threaded his fingers through the man’s hair as he let out a filthy moan; his eyes never leaving Steve’s. The metal on his belt clanked loudly as it fell loose against his thighs. Steve tried to ignore the tightening he felt in his stomach, and his jeans, as he watched the other man mouth at Bucky through his pants.

                The rasp of his zipper seemed to get Bucky’s attention because he pulled the other man back up, roughly seeking his mouth in something so frantic Steve wasn’t sure it could even be called a kiss. Steve willed himself to turn around, to look anywhere else, but his brain and his body didn’t seem to be connected any more. The other man grunted as Bucky snaked a hand down his jeans to palm roughly at his ass. Even as he began lick down the man’s neck, Bucky never stopped watching Steve.

                Seconds dragged on in what seemed to be an entire lifetime until the other man pulled back and panted ‘bedroom’. Bucky licked his lips and pulled the man’s head down to kiss and lick at his neck. Never breaking eye contact with Steve, he began to slowly push the stranger back until they were stumbling towards the stairs. As they staggered across the floor Bucky let out a groan, his head rolling back slightly before he sought out Steve’s gaze again. Steve felt his stomach turn once more, wishing he could have seen what the blonde had done to make Bucky react like that.

                The other man tripped when his heel hit the first step, his grunt muffled by Bucky’s skin. In what had to be a well practiced move Bucky flipped them around so that he was leading them up the stairs with more grace than should be allowed. Steve found himself turning to watch them ascend, refusing to break their eye contact before Bucky did.  As they hit the landing Bucky shot Steve a wink before rounding the corner and disappearing from sight.

                Steve stood dumbfounded, staring at the spot where Bucky had just been until he heard someone clear their throat behind him. He spun around to look at Peggy, uncomfortably aware of the tightness in his pants and the flush in his cheeks. Instead of looking annoyed or disgusted at the way he had shamelessly watched she looked like she was trying hard not to laugh at him.

                “What the hell?” Steve croaked, grimacing when he heard how gravely he sounded.

                Peggy watched him fidget uncomfortably as her face broke out into a grin. “I told you he wasn’t straight.”

XXXX

                Steve watched the fan turn above his bed that night as he lay awake. His initial embarrassment and arousal had faded quickly but now that he was home in the safety of his room he kept relieving the afternoon. Bucky’s unabashed moans echoed in his ears, sending shocks of excitement through him to pool in his groin.  Now that he had seen Bucky with another man, especially one that looked so much like him, the feelings he had been fighting demanded to make themselves known.

                Every time he closed his eyes he saw Bucky leaning against the door, hands fisting in blonde hair as the man undid his belt. Steve felt his cock twitch in renewed interest as he thought about how desperately he wanted to be in that man’s place. He let out a low growl as he threw the covers on to the floor and slid a hand down his pajama pants; gasping as he ghosted his fingers down himself, his cock growing harder by the second.

                He stroked lightly as he leaned back to imagine that he had been the one with Bucky that afternoon. He would have been glad to use his height and weight to his advantage to keep Bucky pinned against the door while he took his time to slowly explore every inch of skin he could find. Steve ran his free hand across his chest and up to fist in his hair, imagining that it was Bucky’s fingers that pulled lightly on the strands.

                He flicked his thumb across his leaking slit, gathering up the precome to slick his hand. Steve tightened his grasp around himself as his hand picked up pace. A moan slipped out when he pulled harder on his hair, imagining how Bucky would sound above him when he finally pulled his pants down to pool at his feet. He could hear the soft whimpers the other man would make when Steve ran his tongue up his cock, leaving a damp trail on the fabric of Bucky’s briefs. Bucky would try to rush him and groan his name but Steve was desperate to make it last.

                Steve stilled his own hand before moving it in time with his own mouth in his fantasies. He flicked his thumb lightly over the head when he licked lightly at the head of Bucky’s leaking cock. When he swallowed suddenly, taking Bucky to the base, he thrust his hips off the bed. Groaning at the overwhelming stimuli, both real and imagined, Steve tightened his grip on both his hair and his cock. In his mind Bucky pulled at his hair as he tried desperately to keep his hips still as Steve bobbed slowly up and down; whimpering every time Bucky hit him in the back of the throat.

                Steve’s rhythm faltered before gaining speed as he imagined Bucky choking out his name in warning. He felt his toes curl and his stomach tighten as he felt his own body aching for release. “Bucky,” he gasped when the man in his fantasy came with a cry. Steve’s hips thrust off the bed as he chased his own release. His orgasm ripped through him moments later and he came with a broken cry to the sound of Bucky coaxing him over the edge.

Steve was slowly brought back to the reality of his surroundings as he heard the front door slam shut; thankfully Sam had stayed at work late for a group meeting. Grimacing at the rapidly cooling mess in his hand and pants, Steve fought to bring his heart rate down to a normal pace before he shucked off his ruined pajamas. He used a unsoiled spot on the leg to wipe his skin clean before throwing them across the room to be dealt with in the morning.

Rolling over to face the wall Steve tried his best not to think about what any of this meant. While he was never one to run from a fight, he also knew when he was in over his head. Ignoring the lingering images of his fantasy, Steve focused on finalizing his menu for Thanksgiving until he finally drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Quietly posts smut while waiting for class to start*
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy. I wanted to post another chapter since I made y'all wait for long for the last one. Thanks again for all the comments and love. They give me life while I have a crappy week. :3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone wants to know the menu for this chapter:  
> \- Brined heritage turkey   
> \- Cranberry apple chutney  
> \- Sweet potato raviolo w/ browned butter sage sauce  
> \- Broccoli Rabe w/ garlic and almond slivers  
> \- Steve's cornbread dressing  
> and of course  
> \- Heirloom Squash & Pumpkin Pie

              “Remind me again why the Hell we need to be cooking at 4 in the morning?” Sam grumbled for the third time as he helped to carry in the last bag from his truck.

                Steve rolled his eyes as he held the door open for his whining friend. “Making good food takes time.”

                “There is no food that is good enough to warrant this shit.” Sam dropped the bag on the counter and made a beeline to the coffee pot. Sam was definitely not a morning person and seemed to have a sixth sense for finding available caffeine sources.

                “Be careful with my knife roll! And, I will have you know that my food is worth this and more.” Steve pulled a bag of grounds out of the freezer and passed it to his friend who just scoffed at the notion. Ignoring him, Steve taped his prep list on to the fridge; he knew better than to argue with Sam too much before at least his second cup of coffee.

                The coffee maker gurgled to life and the kitchen was quickly filled with the intoxicating scent of coffee. Steve helped himself to a cup as he pulled out the ingredients he needed to make rolls since the dough would have to rise for most of the morning. Sam settled on to a stool, hunched over the steaming mug he was cradling in his hands. They had both been out of the Army for four years and while Steve was still used to the grueling hours and demanding schedule, Sam had happily traded that in for a spot as a case manager at the VA.

                As the starter finished rising Sam downed his second cup of coffee and was almost his normal cheery self by the time it was ready to mix it in to the dough. He had grown up helping his mom in the kitchen and now whenever Steve took on larger catering events he was happy to volunteer as his Sous Chef. Steve was always glad to have the company and an extra set of hands, especially during the holidays. Growing up without a family had made the holidays lonely and it was nice to finally have someone to share it with. Their last few Thanksgiving meals had been casual affairs spent at home, so while Steve was excited for the opportunity to make a twist on a large traditional feast he didn’t want to leave his roommate alone. Sam helping him make dinner for the Barnes’s was the best of both worlds.

                They fell in to an easy rhythm, working around each other seamlessly. The beautiful kitchen at the Barnes estate was almost three times the size of what they worked in at home. Peggy came down at eight to join them for breakfast and Sam was completely enraptured by her. As they debated the merits of Thanksgiving Steve took the opportunity to lean back in his chair and relax.

                “Steeeeeeevie, please tell me you made coffee.” Steve lurched forward in his chair, almost spilling the hot liquid in his mug when Bucky rounded the corner in to the kitchen. He had clearly just woken up and was sporting the most adorable bed head that Steve had ever seen.

                Bucky paused when he finally realized that Steve was not the only other person in the room and ran a hand through his hair in a useless attempt to flatten it out. Sam turned in his chair to give Bucky a once over before turning around to raise an eyebrow at Steve. The blonde fought the urge to sink down in his seat in embarrassment; that would only give Sam more ammo to use against him later.

                “What do I look like, your maid?’ Steve grumbled, silently praying that his cheeks weren’t turning as red as they felt.

                Bucky grinned before shuffling over to the pot that had just finished brewing its third batch of the morning. “I don’t know, put a little frilly apron on and you’d make a great maid.”

                Steve couldn’t help the grin that was tugging at his lips. When they were away from Bucky’s family his more playful side emerged and Steve felt like he was getting a glimpse at the real Bucky, that he tried so hard to keep hidden. “In your dreams Barnes.”

                “You don’t even know the half of it.” Bucky leaned back against the counter, his eyes dancing playfully. Steve couldn’t help give him a once over and had to bite back a groan. Bucky wore an old t-shirt a baggy pajama pants that hung dangerously low on his hips on a normal day, but as he stretched his back Steve caught a glimpse of skin and could make out the sharp v of his hipbones. If he had any hope of making it through the day he could not start thinking about _that_.

                “When did you want to get that bird going?” Sam interrupted, giving Steve a knowing grin.

                Steve whipped his head around, suddenly aware that he had been staring for longer than was appropriate and grateful that Sam had given him a way out. “It’s probably about time now,” he muttered as he started to collect the dishes in front of them. “Mrs. Barnes has a very strict timetable for the day. I’d hate for anything to be late.”

                Bucky let out a snort of derision at the thought. “Yeah that would just be tragic,” he droned, watching Steve move past him to the sink before making his way over to the table. “Guess I better get outta the way. It was good to finally meet you Sam.”

                Sam’s eyes widened in surprise as he reached out to shake the hand that Bucky offered. “You too man.”

                “Happy American-Holiday-About-Obesity-And-The-Wrong-Kind-Of-Football Pegs.” Bucky moved over to kiss Peggy on the cheek. While Sam and Steve looked confused she just chuckled and ruffled his hair affectionately; it was clearly a conversation they had been having for years. “See you later Stevie.” With a final wink in Steve’s direction, Bucky grabbed his mug and made his way back up to his room.

                Sam made his way over to the refrigerator to pull out the roasted pumpkin that had been cooling while they ate. “Okay so explain to me again why you aren’t sleeping with him,” Sam asked as soon as Bucky was out of ear shot.

                Steve let out a groan and began chopping his onions a little rougher. “Because he’s not interested.” _Chop_. “Because he’s practically my boss.” _Chop._ “And because he sleeps with someone new every other day.” _Chop._

                Sam quirked an eyebrow at Peggy who gave him a knowing smile. “Okay, you got any reasons that aren’t complete bull?” Steve grumbled something under his breath and chose to ignore his so called ‘friends’.  “I say they’re in bed by Christmas. Care to make a wager Peggy?”

                Peggy let out a laugh that she covered up with a cough when Steve glared at her. “I like him Steve,” she called. “And you don’t see them making eyes at each other all day. I give them three weeks tops.”

XXX

                “Steve you do know that stuffing is supposed to go inside the turkey, right? I mean isn’t that stuffing has to actually get stuffed in to something the first thing they teach you in culinary school?”

                The afternoon brought Bucky back down to the kitchen to perch on the counter and try to pick bits of food off of trays whenever they went by. He had slipped in to a suit but didn’t seem concerned about getting it dirty. Sam kept trying to shoot Steve looks but he had made a point to avoid them as much as possible.

                “The stuffing never cooks in the same time as the turkey and I don’t know which would be worse; serving overcooked turkey to your mother or giving her food poisoning from raw stuffing,” Steve explained as he formed balls of dressing. “Besides this is dressing; biscuit and cornbread dressing to be precise.”

                Bucky snorted as he scooped up a bite of the mixture. “Whatever you say.”

                “Come on, that’s still raw,” Steve groaned. “And watch your mouth, this is a time honored Rogers family recipe.”

                “Well  I would never dare insult such a prestigious dish.” Bucky grinned as he flicked the dough that stuck to his fingers in Steve’s direction; cackling in glee when a small piece landed on his cheek.

                Steve held up his dirty hands in feigned shock. “Oh is that how it’s gonna be then?”

                Bucky smirked before leaning in closer to wipe his finger on Steve’s previously clean cheek. “That’s how it’s gonna be.”

                Before he could get away though, Steve grabbed Bucky’s wrist and held him close before reaching up to brush the tip of Bucky’s nose with his dirty fingers. Bucky’s eyes grew wide before they both broke down in giggles.

                Across the kitchen Sam watched them with a grin as he muttered to himself. “Yeah, they’re both idiots.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was a little shorter but I just wanted to do something happy with them :)
> 
> I've planned the whole thing out and it looks like there's going to be 19 chapters total. We're about halfway there!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has left so much love on this because wow. Y'all are seriously the best and your comments give me life \\(^u^)/
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr or watch me cry about this story at ScienceofSociopaths


	10. Chapter 10

“Come on man it’s Friday night! You are coming out with us whether you like it or not,” Sam declared, throwing a pair of jeans on to the bed.

Steve groaned as he slid a bookmark between the pages of his book. “You know I don’t go to those kinds of clubs.”

Sam raised an eyebrow at him and put his hands on his hips. “What do you mean those kinds of clubs?” When Steve refused to take the bait Sam huffed. “Come on man, you don’t go to any kinds of clubs. It’s time to get out a bust some moves. Or in your case one move, because boy you are a shame to the entire gay community when it comes to dancing.”

Steve barked out a laugh before rolling off the bed in defeat. “You’re just jealous because my one move is so much better than all of yours combined.”

“Yeah man, sure. Whatever you have to tell yourself to get through the night.” Sam smirked as he dropped a shirt next to the jeans and pointed to them. “Now get dressed. Peggy is picking us up in 5 minutes and if you are not ready I will send her up here and you may not make it out alive.”

That sent Steve in to motion and moving to inspect the clothes Sam had chosen; the wrath of Peggy was best avoided if possible. “Oh come on, did you really have to pick out the tightest clothes I own? I outgrew that shirt two years ago.”

“Just put them on,” Sam called over his shoulder as he made his way down stairs, muttering ‘worst gay man ever’.

Steve let out, what even he had to admit was, a slightly over dramatic sigh and shucked his sweat pants before pulling on the dark jeans. They were the ridiculously tight pair that he had bought on a whim years ago but had never had the courage to wear. Sam had paired them with a tight grey t-shirt that had a short row of buttons at the neck. Steve turned to examine himself in his mirror and while it was nothing like what he usually wore, he had to admit he looked good. The jeans hugged his legs while the shirt stretch across his chest; showing off his muscles in sharp definition. Deciding he might as well go all the way, he slowly opened up the three buttons, allowing the shirt to hang open in a deep v. Running his hands through his hair one last time, Steve made his way downstairs just in time to hear Peggy’s knock.

“Hey Peg-“

“Bloody hell Steve,” she interrupted, brushing past him as he held the door open. She paused to give him another once over, whistling softly. “We’re going to have to fight to keep them off you tonight.”

Sam grinned proudly as he pulled on his coat behind her. “I know. I did good.”

Steve felt his cheeks heat up as he pulled on his brown leather jacket. “Your friend is meeting us there right Sam?” he asked, hoping they would allow him to change the subject.

Sam took pity on him as they moved out to Peggy’s car and began to describe his coworker Clint to Peggy. Settling in to the back seat, Steve thought wistfully back to his abandoned novel before mentally preparing himself for the night ahead.

XXX

Inside, the club was packed. The lighting was dim and a few colored spot lights twirled around the dance floor. The music was loud and upbeat and Steve could feel the bass thumping in his chest as he made his way over to the bar. He was definitely going to need a drink, or three. Sam and Peggy followed behind him as he ordered a beer, grimacing at the limited choices. They didn’t even have one of the local breweries on tap, and if that wasn’t a crime, Steve didn’t know what was.

 Sam ignored Steve’s lecture about the micro-brewing revolution that was taking over the country and waved his arm vigorously. A man was making his way towards their little group; weaving easily through the crowd. He was a few inches short than Steve but his build and the way he carried himself suggested a military background.

“You’re late,” the man said with a grin as he looked them over.

 Sam grinned and threw an arm around across his shoulders. “Man you know how it is. It takes some of us a little longer to look pretty.”

Steve rolled his eyes at his friend as he extended a hand to the newcomer. “Steve Rogers.”

The man took his hand and gave it a firm shake. Steve could feel rough calluses in a distinctive pattern slide across his skin and felt himself relax. The man was definitely military and the knowledge that they had something in common was oddly comforting. “Clint Barton. I work down the hall from this useless lump.” Clint’s smile was easy as he turned to introduced himself to Peggy.

Their conversation was short as they yelled over the pounding music and soon Clint was dragging Peggy out on to the dance floor. Steve made a motion over to the bar when Sam shot him a questioning look. Sam shrugged before slipping in to the sea of bodies behind them.

Steve leaned against the long wooden counter of the bar and motioned to his empty bottle for another before turning to watch the crowd. He didn’t recognize the music but it sounded like an awkward combination of two different songs. A smash-up he think Sam had called it. As he sipped at his drink Steve could feel the warmth of the alcohol spread through his body and his foot begin to tap along to the beat. The dance floor seemed to move as one mass, bodies moving smoothly against each other in a seductive rhythm. The song faded in to a faster beat and, feeling awkward off to the side, Steve decided what the hell before moving towards the floor.

Bodies parted easily around him as he made his way deeper in to the crowd, hoping to catch a glance of his friends. It was nearly impossible to distinguish one body from another and after a few minutes Steve gave up and began to move slowly to the beat. It had been years since he had last been out to dance but the music poured through him and loosened his movements.

For the first time in ages Steve forgot to think. He forgot to think about how he might look stupid dancing. He even forgot to think about his love life or rather, his distinct lack of one. The melody was all he could hear and he happily got lost in the sensations. The heat of so many bodies was stifling and every now and then someone would pause to shift against him.

Two or three songs turned in to a dozen as Steve let himself interact with these strangers. The music turned slow and seductive as Steve felt a pair of hands settle on his waist. He started slightly at the touch before relaxing and moving against the warm body behind him. He wasn’t sure if it was a man or a woman but at this point he was so drunk on the atmosphere and endorphins that it wasn’t important. Raising his hands up to run through his hair Steve ground his hips in small circles.

The answering growl in his ears was deep and sent a spark down to his groin. The man, because only a man could have made such a low and sultry noise, pulled him in closer so their bodies were lying flush against one another. Steve let out a gasp as he felt a pair of lips move gently down his neck and a distinctive bulge push against his ass. He felt his eyes shudder shut as he swayed slowly, seeking more of the delicious friction.

One of the hands on Steve’s waist slowly began to explore his chest as the other held him firmly in place, grinding back against the firm body. Steve let out a low groan that got swallowed greedily by the pounding music when that wandering hand began to trace along the gaping v-neck of his shirt. The lips against his neck never let up their slow torment and Steve felt his hands reach behind him; one gripping tightly at the stranger’s hips while the other fisted in the short locks of the man’s hairs.

Steve could feel his already constricting jeans grow tighter as the barrage of sensations washed over him again and again. The bass throbbed low in his gut and was matched in rhythm by the insistent hips that never let up their delicious friction. The hand on his waist gripped tightly in a way that should have been painful but only served to increase the pleasure he felt. The other hand had dipped under the neck of his shirt and was tracing patterns across his collar bone and down to brush lightly against his nipple. Steve felt his hips push backwards at the feeling as his body sought out more.

The stranger chuckled low in his ear, the vibrations moving like shockwaves through Steve, before nibbling gently on the expanse of skin just below it. Steve’s gasp turned in to a needy groan as his hands tightened, trying desperately to pull the other man closer. The stranger whimpered in to his ear at the sensation. “Steve,” he gasped, breath hot against Steve’s neck.

Steve’s eyes flew wide when he heard his name. His first thought was that he had never heard his name sound better or more sinful before he realized this stranger knew his name. Squirming in the man’s tight grip, Steve flipped around to take in the man that was still moving slowly against him. Steve felt his chest tighten as he took in the image of Bucky looking up at him, his eyes hooded and pupils blown wide with desire.

Bucky licked his lips as he continued to move, pushing his hips forward until they met Steve’s. The feeling of the man of his dreams writhing hard against him was too much and Steve let out a groan before taking Bucky’s face gently between his hands and pulling him in to a needy kiss. Bucky let out a huff of surprise and Steve took the chance to sweep his tongue in to Bucky’s mouth in a needy quest to taste every inch of him. Bucky quickly got over his apparent shock and threw his arms around Steve’s neck, trying to pull him in impossibly closer. The kiss was hot and needy as Steve poured months of pent up frustration and desire in to it. Bucky’s teeth grazed lightly over his bottom lip when Steve finally pulled away, chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. Steve traced his thumb across Bucky’s lip, feeling it part with a sigh at his touch before he finally opened his eyes.

Bucky grinned up at him, his face red from exertion and lust. His lips were red and swollen from their kiss and Steve bit back a whimper when he saw the flash of a pink tongue dart out to taste them. The sound of his own whimper brought Steve back to harsh reality as he suddenly realized that he was wrapped against the son of his boss. The man who brought home someone new every other day; who was also the man that Steve had been dreaming of. Steve felt panic and anxiety swell through his body to take the place of the lust and arousal that had momentarily taken control.

Dropping his hands, Steve struggled to break free of Bucky’s arms around his neck. His heart was pounding and he could no longer hear the music over the deafening roar in his ears as he took a panicked step backwards. Bucky’s face fell as Steve began to back away, stumbling against the bodies that moved around him. Bucky’s mouth moved but Steve couldn’t hear what he saying, all he knew was that he had to get out of there.

“Steve!” Bucky called again as the blond continued to stumble away, his face contorted in dread. The music continued to play and people continued to dance but Bucky couldn’t find the strength to move as he watched Steve disappear in to the crowd.

The air outside was cold against his flushed face when Steve finally broke through the doors. He dodged to the side of entrance that was free of the long line of people waiting to get in and collapsed against the wall. Steve’s ears were ringing but he could still hear strains of music trying to invite him back inside. His hands shook as he fumbled for his phone and shot a quick text to Sam, explaining that he was going to take a cab home. Steve let his head drop momentarily back against the wall and raised his fingers to trace over his tingling lips. When he licked his lips he could taste smoke and sweat as well as something that was very distinctly _Bucky_. With a sigh Steve pushed himself off the wall and over to the street where a few hopeful taxis lingered.

Giving his address to the driver, Steve sunk in to the seat, wishing it would swallow him whole. What the hell had just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://www.cinescapeboxoffice.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/CHRISEVANS.jpg
> 
> in case you forgot what Steve (aka: this meatball) looks like in a too tight t-shirt
> 
> Thanks again to everyone for reading and for leaving so much love on this. This is by far the longest thing I have written but I've loved ever minute of it. Half way there already!
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments and come talk to my on tumblr at ScienceofSociopaths about these losers


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky sighed and Steve could see his hands shaking as he picked nervously at the label on his bottle. “Because I can’t have you.”

               Bucky never showed up to Saturday’s family dinner and his seat at the dinner table remained empty until Wednesday. Steve had spent the weekend kicking himself for leaving the club and for even going in the first place. As he roughly chopped celery for that night’s soup, he couldn’t stop feeling like he had ruined his friendship with Bucky for good.

                Truth be told, Steve wasn’t sure why he had panicked the way he had. Finding out that it was Bucky pressed against him on the dance floor, watching Steve with those stunning green eyes, was everything he could have hoped for. Bucky’s body had been hot and firm against him and the obvious arousal that dug in to his thigh had been haunting his dreams at night. It had been so long since he had been that close with someone, let alone someone he cared so much about and the suddenness of it all had over whelmed him. Steve sighed as he scraped the contents of his board in to the large stock pot. If what he felt for Bucky was only physical maybe he could have managed. He had been in more than one purely physical fling when he was overseas, but with Bucky it was different. Instead of keeping his distance he had to go spend time with the guy and fall head over heels.

                Bucky Barnes was undeniably gorgeous and knew how to use it to his advantage. The way his clothes hugged every curve of his body was downright sinful and Steve had found himself distracted more than once by the way Bucky’s top lip jutted out ever so slightly over his bottom. However, he was also incredibly intelligent, obnoxiously opinionated, witty, funny, and kind in his own unique way. Growing up in such a prominent family had taught him to be gracious and charming when the occasion arose but he always seemed to prefer relaxing with Steve in their little oasis of privacy. Not to say that Bucky didn’t have his flaws though. Steve had personally witnessed more than he might have wanted to. Bucky was a tease and seemed to know just the right ways to push at Steve until he was at his wits end. His moods could be erratic, swinging from upbeat and flirtatious to sullen and grumpy in the blink of an eye. He had so many walls built around his emotions that Steve occasionally wondered if he was seeing the real Bucky or just another mask designed to keep the world at bay.

                Steve knew that despite his obvious privileges, Bucky hadn’t had an easy time growing up. During one of their more intimate talks Bucky had revealed how he had been raised by a never ending stream of nannies as his mother traveled around the globe to further her career and his father spent endless hours at the office or in the bed of another woman. A car accident as a teenager had left him in a cast and permanently destroyed his dreams of being a concert pianist. Bucky never mentioned his past relationships either except for the occasional slip up. Whenever he accidently mentioned his mysterious ex, Bucky clammed up and Steve wouldn’t be able to get anything out of him for the rest of the day. Despite his parents vast wealth, money couldn’t buy happiness, especially for Bucky.

                Shoving the refrigerator door closed with an unnecessary slam, Steve began to core a pile of bell peppers, grumbling about his desire for a time machine. Whether it was to stop himself from ever dancing with Bucky or to stop himself from running away he wasn’t sure.

                The slam of the front door got his attention and when Steve looked up his stomach dropped. The window above the sink looked out over the front drive of the house and he watched as a young man hurried out to his car. His hair was disheveled and his clothes were wrinkled and thrown on haphazardly. Steve had seen this before and knew instantly what, and who, he had just been doing.

                Steve watched the car pull forward and wait for the wrought iron gates to slowly open and allow him access to the street. This was stupid, he told himself as the car drove away. He had no right to expect anything else from Bucky and besides, Steve was the one who had walked away. Turning his attention back to his prep Steve began to take his frustration out on the unsuspecting root vegetables in front of him.

                “Geez, what did those carrots ever do to you?”

                Steve paused; his knife stuck halfway through the carrot, and willed his body to stay calm. It was bad enough to have a thing for the son of your boss and then to watch him sleep around. He didn’t need Bucky to know how much it bothered him as well.  “They had it coming,” Steve grumbled, hating the obvious strain in his voice.

                “Yeah, what’d the bastards do this time?” Bucky hopped up on to the empty counter next to Steve’s cutting board and cracked open the bottle of water he had come down for.

                Taking a chance, Steve risked a glance at the man next to him. Bucky’s hair was disheveled, but not as bad as the man who had just left. There was a lingering redness in his cheeks that suggested he had just been up to more…vigorous activities. His lips were pulled in to an easy smile but the light didn’t reach his eyes. The shadows under his eyes had gotten darker since Steve had seen him last. He was probably getting even less sleep than usual, Steve thought with a guilty sigh. “I’m sorry Buck, I just can’t do this right now.”

                He expected Bucky to take the hint and leave, but as he went back to chopping Bucky stayed still. Steve could feel Bucky’s eyes on him and it was unnerving in the silence. “What do you want?” Steve sighed, laying down his knife again and rubbing a hand across his face. He really was just too tired to deal with this kind of emotional stuff.

                “I could ask you the same thing,” Bucky mumbled as he played with the cap to his water bottle.

                Steve blinked slowly as he tried to process what Bucky had said. What was he trying to imply? “I don’t want anything,” Steve said at last.

                Bucky bit down on his lip nervously as if he was trying to decide whether or not he should say what was really on his mind. Steve had to remind himself that this was not a good time to get distracted as Bucky finally released his lip.

                “That’s not how it felt on Friday.” Bucky’s voice was hardly above a whisper but the disappointment and vulnerability in his tone was overwhelming.

                “Friday night was a mistake. I was surprised and didn’t think about what we were doing. Besides I’m sure you were drunk and let’s just forget about it okay?” Steve’s mind was racing and he struggled to keep the shock he was feeling off his face.

                Bucky turned to watch Steve, the muscles in his jaw twitching in a way that Steve had learned to mean he was getting aggravated. “I wasn’t drunk and what if I don’t want to forget about it?”

                Steve let out a growl of frustration. Why wouldn’t Bucky just let it be? “Well I do. I’m sorry if I don’t want to be just another one of your fucks Bucky. I thought maybe I meant a little more than that to you.”

                His words were harsh and Steve wished he could take them back as he saw Bucky visibly crumple. “Dammit Buck-“

                “You do,” Bucky said, interrupting Steve’s attempt at an apology. “You’ve always meant more to me than anyone else.”

                Steve felt his mouth go dry and his heart started to pound in his chest. “Why all the others then? Why do you always have to flaunt your conquests?”

                Bucky sighed and Steve could see his hands shaking as he picked nervously at the label on his bottle. “Because I can’t have you.”

                Steve shook his head; surely his ears were playing tricks on him. “What?”

                Bucky looked up at him for the first time since they had started talking. His eyes were blazing and he looked furious. “You don’t need to rub it in Steve. I know you don’t like me that way and you only talk to me because my parents pay you to be here but you asked.” Bucky’s voice grew with each word until he was practically shouting. “I fucked all of them because I can’t have you.”

                Steve felt his heart skip a beat and before he could over think it he rushed over and cupped Bucky’s head gently in his hands. Bucky held his breath as Steve’s eyes flicked down to his lips before moving back to his eyes as if asking for permission. Unable to find the words, Bucky nodded lightly and that was all Steve needed before closing the distance.

                Bucky gasped when Steve’s lips brushed gently against his. The kiss was gentle and timid and everything their first kiss hadn’t been. As his shock wore off Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck and pulled him in closer to deepen the kiss. Steve whimpered as plush lips moved softly against his own and when the tip of Bucky’s tongue brushed against his bottom lip it was as if sparks were set off through his body. Opening his mouth in an invitation to explore, Steve brushed his thumbs lightly across Bucky’s cheekbones.

                Bucky hummed at the touch and his right hand moved up to brush through Steve’s hair, scraping lightly against his scalp as he went. Steve shivered at the sensation but willed himself to stay still as Bucky’s tongue continued its timid exploration. When Bucky licked gently under his tongue Steve felt his willpower leave the room. He needed Bucky to know just much how much he wanted this; how happy he was that this was finally happening.

                Bucky must have approved because his legs wrapped tightly around Steve’s waist and pulled him in until Steve’s hips bumped against the counter’s rough edge. Steve broke apart with a groan as the pain in his hip mixed with the pleasure that tingled through his limbs. Bucky’s face was flushed as he looked up at Steve and when he bit lightly on his lip nervously Steve leant back down. Now that he knew Bucky wanted him back there was no way he could resist. The kiss turned heated quickly as tongues sought out every hidden corner and hands began to slowly explore. Bucky’s fingers toying gently at the edge of his chef jacket caught Steve’s attention and he slowly pulled away, letting his teeth graze over Bucky’s lip as he moved.

                Bucky groaned at the loss of contact and tightened his legs, trying to pull Steve back in. Steve let out a small huff of laughter but kept his distance. Slowly, he ran his thumb across Bucky’s cheekbone, down across swollen lips and finally along his jaw, letting his hands rest gently on Bucky’s shoulders.

                “Please tell me this is real,” Bucky begged, closing his eyes as Steve’s thumbs continued to trace patterns across his neck and collar bone.

                “It had fucking better be,” Steve agreed. Bucky seemed satisfied with his response and dropped his head gently against Steve’s chest. “In my wildest dreams I never expected you to feel this way.”

                Bucky looked up with him, his lips pulled up in a lopsided grin that made Steve’s heart ache with affection. “Right back at you.”

                “Go to dinner with me this weekend.” Steve pressed a gentle row of kisses up the side of Bucky’s neck as he waited for an answer.

                “Do we have to wait that long?”

                Steve let out a sigh of relief as he pulled back to look at the gorgeous man in front of him. “So impatient,” he teased. “Why didn’t you just tell me earlier? Why go through all the trouble of showing off in front of me?”

                Bucky groaned and buried his face in Steve’s neck. The feeling of his lips brushing against the skin there was almost enough to distract Steve from his response. “I thought you were straight but when I saw your reaction to that guy well,” Bucky chuckled at the memory. “I guess I was trying to get your attention.”

                “Well you definitely got it,” Steve said as he tipped Bucky’s head back up until he met Steve’s gaze. “But in the future if you want my attention just say something. I don’t want this to just be a casual fling. No more bringing home other people.”

                Bucky’s smile was soft but there was a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Steve as if anyone could ever compare to you. Now I would very much like to get back to kissing you. Is that clear enough Chef?”

                Steve let out a soft growl as he felt his chest tighten in arousal and anticipation. “Crystal clear.”

                “Excellent,” Bucky whispered, already pulling Steve back in to pick up where they had left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Finally! These two nerds took forever to get their shit together. I was going to wait and post this tomorrow but I wrote multiple chapters of this today and just can't wait for y'all to read it.
> 
> As usual thank you to all the beautiful people who have taken the time to read this and even leave love and comments. I love reading what you guys think!
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr at ScienceofSociopaths or just watch me cry about these losers.


	12. Chapter 12

 

                Friday evening found Steve standing in front of his mirror as he inspected his third outfit of the night. Sam groaned from where he was curled up in Steve’s arm chair, apparently exhausted from playing fashion consultant. “You are worse than a teenage girl man.”

                Steve rolled his eyes and ignored his friend’s complaints. Sam liked to talk big but Steve knew that he secretly loved giving his opinions to anyone that would listen. It was one of the reasons that he made such a great counselor. “I just don’t know if it’s right,” Steve grumbled as he turned back and forth.

                “It’s better than that first outfit you put on. You looked like you were 95 years old in that man.”

                Steve huffed at the accusation. His first outfit had been a pair of khaki trousers, a blue plaid button up shirt that he thought brought out his eyes and his customary brown leather jacket. He’d had many a successful date in that outfit, despite what Sam thought. However tonight he wanted something special. Bucky was different from everyone he had dated and the way that he looked effortlessly gorgeous in whatever he wore made Steve feel extra pressure to look good. He had changed in to his nicest pair of jeans and a light blue dress shirt. What could he say? Blue was a good color on him. He had added a black suit coat and was trying to decide which color tie would look best.

                Sam let out a sigh as he made his way over to rummage through Steve’s sparse closet before finding what he was looking for. “Here,” he said, thrusting his selection towards the blond. “Take off the shirt and jacket and put this on.”

                Steve slumped over to his bed and laid the rejected clothing out with the growing pile of castoffs. As he slipped into the soft sweater that Sam had picked- and honestly he had forgotten he owned this- he decided that it really did look better than the other outfits he’d been wearing. Sam had picked out a navy blue sweater that hugged his body without being obscenely tight. The neck scooped down just low enough that a small gleam of his dog tags was visible. No matter how long he had been out of the service he couldn’t seem to kick the habit of wearing them; the heavy weight against his chest felt like safety. His friend thrust a black leather jacket in his arms and began to push him towards the door.

                “You look pretty now go.”

                Steve grinned and dug his heels in to the carpet, making Sam strain to move his weight. “Oh is that how we’re doing this?” Sam smirked before suddenly moving out of the way and cackling as Steve fell backwards, his arms flailing uselessly as he tried to find something to break his fall.

                “You’re an ass,” Steve grumbled as he eased himself up and made his way down stairs.

                “Any more of that sweet talk and I’m gonna start thinking you fancy me instead.”

                Shaking his head Steve made a rude gesture back at his friend before bracing himself for the cold and opening the front door. “Wish me luck.”

                Sam rolled his eyes but his expression was fond. “Yeah yeah, just go.”

XXX

                The ride to the Barnes estate had never felt longer and when Steve finally pulled up outside and keyed in the code to the gate he was regretting his choice not to wear gloves. It was the first weekend in December and while there had yet to be any snow, the weather was relentlessly cold. As he pulled the keys out of the ignition and kicked down the stand Steve marveled at how strange it was to be going to the front door. His motorcycle, while in perfectly good condition thank you very much, looked out of place among the meticulously detailed and expensive vehicles around him.

                The large oak doors were even more intimidating from the outside and Steve fought the urge to fidget as he rang the doorbell. He could hear the bell echo through the hall before the lock on the front door clicked open.

                “Well, well, well. Look what we have here.” Peggy beamed up at him as she opened the door and ushered him inside. Steve had been dying to tell Peggy about his plans with Bucky but she had spent the week helping Mrs. Barnes at her office while her secretary was out sick so their paths had never crossed. The way she looked at him though suggested she already knew exactly why he was there.

                “Um is Bucky ready?” Steve cringed when he heard how nervous he sounded. Sure he was a little out of practice with the whole dating game but something about Bucky made him feel like a teenager again.

                Peggy rushed forward and wrapped him in a tight hug that was unexpected but not necessarily unwelcome. “It’s about damn time you two stopped dancing around each other,” she whispered before pulling back to look him over with a grin. “Now go have a lovely time and make sure to tell Sam that he owes me forty dollars.”

                Steve gaped but before he had a chance to ask why Sam would owe her money Bucky came bounding down the stairs. Steve felt his jaw drop as his date sauntered across the floor with a natural grace he could never hope to master. Bucky was wearing a pair of tight black jeans that he had tucked in to what looked like stylized combat boots. He had on a deep emerald sweater that dipped down in to a low v-neck that hinted at a few dark hairs. The outfit was topped off with a black leather jacket and to say that he looked gorgeous would have been an understatement.

                “Wow,” Steve breathed.

                Bucky grinned up at him as a faint blush spread across his cheeks. “Yeah, well you don’t look so bad yourself.”

                “Alright you two get out of here,” Peggy said, pushing them gently towards the door. “You have all night to make eyes at each other.”

                Steve let out a huff of laughter and led Bucky over to where his bike was parked. “Oh shit, I didn’t think. You can drive if you want. Or maybe I can go back and ask Sam if I can borrow his truck. I don’t know how you feel about motorcycles.” Steve rubbed nervously at his neck as he babbled.

                Bucky barked out a laugh as he grabbed Steve’s hand and pulled them forward. “Baby I would love nothing more than to ride this.” With a flirtatious wink Buck threw his leg over the bike so that he was straddling the seat before patting the space in front of him.

                This man was going to be the death of him Steve thought as he climbed on to the bike. Bucky slid up behind him, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist and burying his head against his back. The body behind his was a furnace of heat against the cold evening air and Steve couldn’t help the ridiculous grin that seemed to have taken up permanent residence on his face.

XXX

                Bucky had made reservations for them at The Red Room, a modern Russian restaurant that was owned by a childhood friend. Natasha Romanoff was the daughter of the Russian Ambassador and had grown up down the street from the Barnes family. She had gone to the same private schools as Bucky and as kids they had been nearly inseparable. Bucky had mentioned a brief window of time where they had gone their way to separate colleges and lost touch, but ever since his abrupt return to his parent’s home they had rekindled their friendship as though that time had never happened.

                “I still maintain that it sounds like a strip joint,” Steve muttered as Bucky pulled him anxiously towards the restaurant. This was apparently his first time seeing it and after all of Natasha’s stories his excitement was palpable.

                “That’s because you know nothing,” Bucky quipped before holding a heavy black door open for his date.

                “Jerk,” Steve grumbled as he stepped inside.

                Bucky snorted. “Whatever punk.”

                The restaurant was the textbook definition of a modern themed establishment; however, it managed to be sleek and stylish instead of overwhelming. The furnishings were all a dark mahogany with deep red upholstery. Red up-lighting on the walls and an array of candles on each table created an intimate atmosphere. The more that Steve saw, the more interested he was to get to look at the menu. It would be interesting to see what kind of food they served to match the ambiance that Natasha had worked so hard to create, even if that did make him a giant food nerd.

                “Reservation for two under Barnes.” The hostess seemed to jump a little at the name and hurried to direct them to their table.

                “Right this way Mr. Barnes and Mr. Rogers.”

                Steve quirked an eyebrow at Bucky, who shot him a cheeky grin in return. Just how much had Bucky told his friend? Bucky gently took his hand and threaded their fingers together as they walked and Steve found that it didn’t matter as long as he got to be here with Bucky.

                Their table was tucked in to one of the small alcoves that were out of the sight of most of the restaurant. The round half-moon shaped booths were intimate with red drapery pulled to the sides of the opening to create privacy if they desired. Steve felt his heart begin to pound in anticipation as he tried to still the stream of enticing and utterly inappropriate ideas the privacy could be used for.

                Before they got a chance to open their menus a fiery red-head was beaming down at them. Judging from the way Bucky rolled his eyes and began to scoot out of his seat towards her Steve assumed that this was the famous Natasha.

                “James Barnes in my restaurant. I see they just let anyone in these days,” she grinned, pulling him in to a tight hug.

                He returned the embrace and placed a small kiss to her cheek. It was obvious that they had a long history together and Steve had to remind himself that it was stupid to be jealous of someone’s childhood friend. However, he couldn’t help but wish he could have some of her insight in to the man across from him. “And who is this absolutely gorgeous specimen?” She pulled away to turn her gaze to Steve who struggled to sit still under the extra attention.

                “Nat this is Steve, Steve this is my friend Natasha.”

                “Pleasure to meet you ma’am.” Steve set his menu down and moved to shake the delicate hand that she offered him. He was surprised at how firm her grip was and it must have been obvious by the way Bucky began to laugh.

                “Steven, everyone gets one mistake but never call me ma’am again.” Natasha raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at him and Steve felt himself nod his agreement.

                “Go easy on him Nat,” Bucky teased as he pulled away to sit back down at their table. “Now what’s actually edible in this joint?”

                “You will eat what I bring you and you will like it Barnes.” Natasha’s tone was harsh but her eyes danced as she did her part in what was no doubt a well practiced exchange of quips.

                “Whatever you say, but I should warn you, Steve here is one of the best Chefs that this town has to offer so I’ve gotten pretty spoiled with quality food.”Bucky slung an arm across Steve’s shoulders and Steve could feel his cheeks heat up at the praise.

                “Well in that case I will have to do my best to steal him out from under you.”

                “Well let me see how this night goes and I might come willingly,” Steve added, smiling at Bucky’s noise of derision next to him.

                “Oh I like this one already James,” Natasha said with a grin. “Now look at your menus and I’ll have them send out our Vodka tasting flight for while you wait. Holler at me before you leave but I don’t want to hear any yelling for any other reasons.” She winked in Steve’s direction before turning to walk away.

                Bucky shrugged off his jacket and sank back in to the seat as he began to examine his menu. Everything was listed in Russian with an English translation below but Steve was having a hard time concentrating as Bucky’s knee brushed back and forth against his leg. “You know you’re making this really hard,” Steve grumbled.

                Bucky grinned triumphantly at the phrasing and Steve bit back a groan as he realized his mistake. “I think that’s the point of a date babe.”

                Before Steve could come up with an appropriate response, their waitress appeared with two small trays. They each contained a row of five small shot glasses full of clear liquid. Bucky beamed up at her before responding in what Steve had to assume was Russian.

                Their waitress looked delighted and responded in kind, occasionally glancing over to Steve to see if he was following along. Watching Bucky speak with such ease was fascinating and Steve found himself in awe of the way his voice drawled over the syllables. They could have been talking about anything but it was completely mesmerizing.

                “Sorry Steve. Do you know what you want?”

                Steve shook his head in surprise when he noticed Bucky and the waitress watching him expectantly. “I-um. I’m sorry what?”

                Bucky’s grin was bright and affectionate. “Are you ready to order or do you need a minute?”

                Steve looked woefully down at his menu before back up at his date. “I honestly have no idea what I would want. I’ve never gotten a chance to try Russian cuisine before. How about I just get whatever you’re getting.”

                Bucky seemed more than willing to help as he turned back towards their waitress to order. Steve watched his mouth move easily over the foreign sounds, too enraptured in what Bucky was doing to be embarrassed. Their waitress nodded and grinned at Steve before leaving them alone.

                “That was amazing,” Steve breathed. “I had no idea you spoke Russian.”

                Bucky looked sheepish at his praise and Steve was suddenly struck by the thought that he might not be accustom to someone telling him he did a good job. The realization sat uneasily in his gut, but Bucky looked so happy that he didn’t want to spoil the mood by mentioning it.

                “When I met Natasha she had just moved to the country and was happy to teach me some phrases in Russian so we could talk. I got a little older and insisted my parents get me a tutor until I was fluent.” Bucky shrugged as if it was all no big deal but the way his lips still tugged up in the corners suggested he was still pleased.

                “That’s incredible. I always wish I knew another language. As it is, I can curse in about 12 languages.”

                Bucky’s eyes lit up and his grin turned wicked. “Oh, now that I have to hear.” His voice was low and husky and Steve jumped when he felt their knees brush together.

                “You’ll have to work for that privilege,” Steve challenged, pushing his leg back in to the touch.

                “I accept that challenge.” Bucky bit his lip as he slid his hand slowly up Steve’s thigh. Steve was grateful for their privacy as he felt his neck heat up and stomach clench. The way Bucky watched his reactions made Steve suspect that he would find that challenge easy.

“Fuck,” Steve whispered before pulling his flight closer to him for a distraction from the gorgeous man next to him. “Look, alcohol,” he said as he picked up the first glass.

Bucky threw back his head in a laugh and Steve found himself aching once again for a sketch pad. Bucky moved with a natural grace and the low lighting around him created the most delicious contours on his face. Maybe later Steve mused as the first sample burned down his throat; because if he had his way there would be many more chances in their future.

XXX

                “That was incredible,” Steve groaned as shrugged his jacket on and braced for the cold as they left the restaurant. Bucky had ordered an array of food for him to try and they hadn’t found a single dish that wasn’t incredible. “No one should be able to make borscht taste that good.”

                Bucky followed him in silence out to the street where Steve’s bike was parked. Steve paused as he fished in his pockets for his keys, looking back to make sure that his date was still there. “Everything okay?” Steve asked, his face clouding over in concern as Bucky stood, quietly watching his every move.

                Bucky took a step closer and Steve saw that his eyes had gone dark, his gaze almost feral. With a final step Bucky closed the distance between them, tilting his head up so that he could maintain eye contact. “Perfect,” he whispered, breath hot against Steve’s face in the winter air.

                Steve let out a small gasp as Bucky raised a hand to fist in Steve’s hair and pulled him down in to a gentle kiss. At first it was nothing more than the soft touch of lips and Bucky began to slowly pull away.  Letting his keys drop back in to his pocket, Steve cupped a hand around Bucky’s neck and pulled him back in, nipping at his bottom lip softly before soothing the spot with a flick of his tongue. Bucky’s mouth fell open with a whimper and his fingers tightened their grasp on Steve’s hair.

                The rest of the world faded away until Steve was left with nothing but the overwhelming feeling of having Bucky so close. His body was a furnace of heat and Steve wanting nothing more than to curl up in his arms and in that warmth until winter passed them by. Tentatively, Bucky’s tongue swept in to Steve’s mouth and Steve felt like his knees might give at any moment. The faint cologne that Bucky wore mixed with the scent of tobacco smoke and something that seemed to be uniquely _Bucky_. Combined with the sharp taste of the alcohol they had shared and the soft scratching of nails against his scalp, the result was almost overwhelming.

                Steve had no idea how much time had passed before he pulled away gently to rest his forehead against Bucky’s. The cold night air was harsh in his lungs as he gasped for air and Bucky’s hand in his hair and the one resting on his hip burned against his skin. “Come back with me,” Steve pleaded softly.

                Bucky bit back a noise and at such a close proximity Steve could see his pupils dilate even further. “Fuck yes,” he breathed, barely loud enough to be heard over the traffic before dragging his date back in.

                Arousal and anxiety mixed in a delicious twist in Steve’s gut as he pulled Bucky close. He hadn’t planned on being so bold when he had left for their date and never in a million years did Steve expect Bucky to agree.  It was his turn to groan softly when Bucky broke their kiss, brushing his hand slowly down the side of Steve’s face to run his thumb across the blonds jaw.

                “I thought you would never ask.”

                Bucky’s eyes danced under the street lights and Steve was struck once again at just how gorgeous the other man was. He bit back the words though as he held out a hand and led Bucky to his bike. They would have all night for that.

XXX

                The door was barely unlocked before they crashed through, Steve reaching around wildly behind him for a light switch. Bucky pushed Steve roughly against the door, which clicked shut from the weight of his body. The air rushed out of Steve in a whoosh before Bucky descended on to him; lips working a sinful path up his neck before nibbling gently at the shell of his ear.

                “Please tell me Sam is not here,” Bucky whispered, his warm breath making Steve shiver.

                Steve let his head fall back against the wood and let out a groan as he tried to fight through the fog of arousal that was clouding his brain. “I think he went out with Clint,” he finally said, hoping to God he was right. If Sam was home and had to listen to them for the rest of the night, Steve would be making it up to him for months.

                Bucky’s answering grin was devilish as he wrapped a hand in Steve’s sweater and pulled him towards the stairs. “Good. Upstairs?”

                The husky way he asked left no room for argument and Steve found he could only nod jerkily in response. With a surprising amount of skill Bucky pulled them upstairs, his eyes never ceasing to take in every detail of Steve’s reactions as he took each step with ease. An unwelcome voice in Steve’s head wondered how much practice Bucky had with this sort of maneuvering but as he watched Bucky’s tongue darted out to wet his lips Steve found that he really didn’t care.

                After what felt like ages as well as no time at all they made the landing and Steve took advantage of the other man’s pause to steal another kiss. The soft noises that Bucky made, the taste of his mouth, and the sinful way his lips moved under Steve’s was intoxicating. As they moved against one another as though they had been doing this their whole life, Steve couldn’t help but think he could get addicted to kissing Bucky if the other man would let him.

                Panting, Bucky broke away, grinning when Steve tried to follow, unwilling to stop kissing the gorgeous man against him. “Which one?”

                Steve pulled back and looked around in confusion. After an embarrassingly long second Steve realized that he was being asked which door led to his bedroom. At the top of the stairs three nearly identical doors broke off in each direction. One led to Sam’s room, the second to their shared bathroom, and the last one, well that led to Steve’s room. Another punch of arousal hit Steve in the gut and he could feel his blood speed up as it moved steadily down to pool in his groin.

                “On your left.”

                That was all the invitation Bucky needed before he was pulling them over to the door. As the door clicked open Steve felt panic take over. It had been at least a year since he had brought anyone home and he certainly hadn’t planned on it tonight. Had he left the rejected clothes lying on his bed? Oh God, was there underwear on the floor? Bucky pulled away to look at his room and Steve let out a sigh of relief. He had to remember to buy Sam a fruit basket or something.

                His bed was meticulously made with corners that would make his old drill sergeant proud. Similarly, the floor was blissfully devoid of any potentially embarrassing clothing and his sketch pad was closed and placed safely on the bottom shelf of his bedside table. Make that two fruit baskets and all the Starbucks he could drink for a month.

                Bucky didn’t waste much time looking around before he threw an arm around Steve’s neck and pulled him in close. Steve met his lips for a heady kiss before pulling away to kiss along Bucky’s sharp jaw line and down the available skin of his neck. His hands wrapped around Bucky’s small waist to settle on the small of his back and pressed gently until they were pressed flush. With what sounded suspiciously like a whine Bucky let his head drop to the side so that Steve had full access to his neck. As he scraped his teeth lightly along the bulge of Bucky’s adam’s apple, Steve let one hand dip down to slip into the back pocket of Bucky’s jeans.

                Steve could feel the vibrations of Bucky’s groan against his lips and let out a huff of surprise of his own as Bucky’s hips stuttered forward to press against him. Sparks shot through him at the touch as Steve felt Bucky’s arousal brush against his own. The brief but delicious friction brought Bucky back to his senses as he began to push at Steve’s jacket, suddenly desperate to start removing unnecessary barriers. Steve pulled his hands free to help toss his jacket on the floor before pulling at the tight sleeves of Bucky’s.

                Unable to stay away any longer Steve swept forward to get Bucky’s lips against his own again. As Bucky took the chance to re-explore every inch of his mouth, Steve let his hands drop down to rest on Bucky’s hips. His thumbs brushed up under the soft fabric of Bucky’s shirt to rub against the tease of skin. Taking Bucky’s answering moan as encouragement Steve let his hands slowly run up the brunet’s chest, tracing over the tantalizing dip of his hip bones to tease the edge of his belly button before moving steadily higher. Steve broke away to watch the other man’s eyes flutter shut with a gasp as Steve’s thumbs brushed across his nipples.

                “You are so gorgeous,” Steve said as he watched Bucky’s reactions as he gently rolled each nub between his fingers.

                Bucky’s eyes flew wide at the praise and he watched Steve with surprise. The vulnerable look on his face was short lived though, before it was replaced by a smirk. His hands pulled eagerly at the edge of Steve’s sweater and the blond reluctantly let his hands fall down so that Bucky could pull the offending clothing over his head. His dog tags fell back heavily against his chest and Steve shivered lightly and he wasn’t sure if it was from the sudden contact to the cool air or from the hungry way that Bucky’s gaze trailed over his chest.

                “You’re not so bad yourself.” Bucky let out a low whistle to show his appreciation before raising a hand to rest gently on Steve’s pectoral. “How are you even real?”

                Steve chuckled as Bucky muttered quietly, not sure if the brunet realized he was speaking aloud. While he was never overly confident about his appearance Steve understood why some people might be impressed by his physique. Growing up scrawny and with asthma that plagued him through high school he had worked hard to get his body in to top shape as soon as he physically able. Even after leaving the Army, regular runs with Sam and visits to the small gym down the street kept his muscles prominently built. After a night out at the bar Sam had once told him that his hip to shoulder ratio was so ridiculous that it made him look kind of like a Dorito.

                “Seriously you look like one of those statues we studied in college. Fucking Adonis.” Bucky’s hands never stilled their torturously slow exploration of Steve’s chest as he spoke.

                Steve could feel his cheeks flushing at the attention and ducked down to capture Bucky’s lips in a kiss to halt the near constant stream of praise. It felt wrong to have someone as incredibly handsome as Bucky marveling over him. At the kiss Bucky let his hands drop down to Steve’s waist, his nails scratching lightly over the exposed skin. The dull stinging rode the edge between pain and pleasure and Steve let out a small growl as he pulled Bucky’s shirt up. He needed skin contact now.

                Steve tried to take in the appearance of his date but Bucky never gave him a chance before pulling Steve in close and capturing his attention with those sinfully talented lips. The pressure of his jeans was rapidly becoming too much and with the way Bucky’s pants already clung to his hips, the brunet had to be suffering as well. As his fingers brushed against Bucky’s belt Steve realized that they hadn’t made it more than a few feet past the door and began to slowly lead them closer to the bed.

                “Bed,” he explained, voice rough with arousal. Bucky let out a soft groan and a nod as he stepped backwards slowly in time with Steve until the back of his legs bumped against the edge of mattress.

                The arousal and attraction he had been fighting for months was suddenly overwhelming and Steve licked up the shell of Bucky’s ear before letting out a needy whine. “Buck. I’ve got to get my hands on you.”

                Bucky shivered slightly against him as his hands flew down to help where Steve grasped at his belt. Their fingers tangled and bumped as the moved but finally, fucking finally, Steve heard the rasp of a zipper. He pushed Bucky back against the bed and Steve let his eyes roam hungrily over the man’s chest as he tugged his jeans down to tangle around his boots. A huff of laughter escape them both as they realized the step that they had missed and Bucky hastily kicked his boots off while Steve took a moment to do the same with his own.

                Deciding to even the playing field, Steve made quick work of his own jeans and tried not to be self-conscious as he stood in nothing but his dog tags and painfully tight boxer briefs. Bucky mumbled something too quietly for Steve to make out as he pushed himself up until he was reclining on his elbows. Bucky’s chest was lightly muscled and dark brown hair sparsely covered his chest before tapering off into a tantalizing trail. Again Steve found himself torn between the desire to stop and draw the gorgeous creature in front of him and the urge to kiss and lick every inch of skin he could find.

                “I believe you promised touching.” The soft rasp of Bucky’s voice made the decision easy and Steve slowly sunk to his knees as he kissed slowly up the inside of his leg.

                Ignoring his own desperate arousal Steve let his mouth trail lightly over the bulge in Bucky’s own briefs, drinking in the soft noises he made. Despite Bucky’s pleads, Steve kept moving, letting his tongue dip in to his navel and grinning at the soft curse it elicited. He let the flat of his tongue run over each nipple before pausing to nip at the nape of his neck.

                “Steve Rogers you are a goddamn tease,” Bucky growled as wrapped his legs around Steve’s waist and took the opportunity to flip their positions. “Much better.”

                Steve let out a wordless groan as Bucky rolled his hips, brushing their clothed erections together and creating the most delicious friction. His hands scrambled as waves of pleasure rolled through his body, finally settling on Bucky’s hips to keep him close. Above him, Bucky’s hips never slowed their torturously slow movement. Before he could think too hard about it Steve began reaching blindly for the drawer on his bedside table.

                With one hand wandering desperately for the lube and condoms he kept nearby Steve wrapped his other around the nape of Bucky’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Steve let out a hiss of pleasure and success as his fingers closed around a pile of small foil packets. The crinkle they made echoed through the quiet room and Steve let his hand dip under the waistband of Bucky’s briefs to tease lightly at his hole. Bucky stilled at the sound, his hips stuttering to a halt.

                “Fuck, Bucky,” Steve groaned, dropping the condom on to the mattress nearby and craning his neck so that he could see the outline of Bucky’s dick, straining and leaking against the cotton.

                When Bucky didn’t respond and remained frozen in place Steve arched back so that he could get a better view of his partner’s face. Bucky’s eyes were wide but where they had once been clouded over in lust they were blown open in panic. Steve felt his heart skip a beat as he ran his hands in what he hoped was a comforting manner over Bucky’s shoulders.

                “Bucky?” The brunet remained as still as a statue, eyes never moving from where they were focused a few inches above Steve’s head. “Are you okay? Bucky!”

                As Steve yelled his name, Bucky seemed to snap back to the present. Steve slowly sat up and rolled Bucky off his hips and on to the bed next to him. Bucky’s body was pliant under his hands as he settled back on to the mattress. His hands flew up to cover his face as he let out a frustrated groan. “Shit.”

                “Buck are you okay? What happened?” Steve rolled on to his side so that he could look Bucky over for clues as to what he’d done wrong.

                “I’m sorry Steve shit. I just heard the wrapper and shit. ” His voice was muffled behind his hands as he spoke.

                “Oh God I’m so sorry.” Steve felt his stomach twist in guilt and fought the urge to take Bucky’s hands in his as he babbled. “I never meant to assume that you wanted me to- I should have assumed that you might want to be on top. Or not! We don’t have to do anything if you don’t- fuck. I’m so sorry babe, I can do something else or nothing at all. We can just sit or- here let me take you home!”

                Bucky’s small huff of laughter broke through the whirlwind of thoughts that were flying through Steve’s mind. “Steve, slow down before you hurt yourself.”

                “We can stay here if you want just let me find my pants.” Steve made to get off the bed and look for his discarded jeans when he felt fingers tug gently at the elastic of his boxer briefs.

                “That is the very last thing that I want you to do.” Steve turned back around and saw Bucky staring up at him with an affectionate look. He ran his fingers gently through Bucky’s tousled hair and searched his face for any signs of hesitation. “I didn’t mean to scare you Stevie, it’s just been a long time since, well since I’ve done that.” Bucky’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment and he looked pointedly past Steve, refusing to meet his gaze. “But really, you should never be wearing pants in the first place.”

                “I really never meant to assume anything, I just can’t think clearly when I’m around you,” Steve confessed, his lips pulling up in a shy smile.

                Bucky surged forward to press their lips together and Steve let himself sink in to the touch before pulling back. “I mean it Buck, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want. Hell we don’t have to do anything ever, I’m just happy to be with you at all.”

                A dopey smile broke out over Bucky’s face before it quickly turned in to his sultry grin that never failed to make the blood in Steve’s veins rush south. Pulling Steve back on top of him, Bucky rolled his hips. “Oh trust me Stevie, I want.” Steve bit back a groan when he felt Bucky brush against him. His dick had softened during the confusion but with the brunet writhing under him like that Steve was sure he’d be leaking in his pants again in no time.

                 Steve tried to hold still so that he didn’t accidently lead them in the wrong direction again and Bucky seemed more than willing to take control. His hands gripped tightly at Steve’s ass, pushing his hips forward to meet every thrust until they were both panting with desire.  Bucky’s eyes fluttered shut with a soft whimper and Steve knew that he was never going to hold out for long.

                As if he could read minds, Bucky reached between them to pull first himself, then Steve free from the confines of their underwear. “Fucking shit,” he hissed as the damp tip of his dick brushed against Steve’s for the first time. He took them both in hand and pumped slowly, pausing at the top of each thrust to gather the precome they were both leaking with a swipe of his thumb.

                Steve whimpered; the sound catching high in his throat. The smooth skin of Bucky’s palm slid around them with only the small amount of lubrication they had created and it was altogether too much and not enough and _yes yes yes Buck._ Even with their momentary interruption they were both so wound up that it wasn’t long before Steve could feel his toes begin to curl in to the sheets as he tried to keep his orgasm at bay for just a little longer.

                “Bucky, fuck. You’re so beautiful,” he breathed, pulling the man below him in to another rough kiss.

                Bucky let out a groan as Steve’s hand dipped down to wrap around his, jerking them off together. The slick sound of skin on skin was almost deafening and Steve had to break away from the kiss to bury his head against Bucky’s neck. The brunet’s body tightened suddenly below him, every muscle contracting in a way that Steve knew meant he was close.

                “Come on Buck, I’ve got you. Come for me,” he muttered, biting down gently as he felt his own balls begin to tighten. Another flick of his thumb over their slits and Bucky was done, his back arching off the bed with a shout.

                “Steve!” Bucky cried, his voice wrecked and trembling.

                The feeling of Bucky’s dick pulsing and his come dripping down to coat their fingers was overwhelming and Steve felt his own orgasm crash through him, more intense than he had felt in years. Stars exploded in his vision as he rode out the high, letting Bucky stroke him slowly through it. “Fucking shit,” Steve huffed as soon as he was able to catch his breath.

                “Language Rogers,” Bucky smirked.

                 Steve collapsed on to the man below him, grimacing as their semen streaked chests touched but too tired to care. “Whatever punk.”

                “Hey, clean up first then sleep,” Bucky chided, running his fingers through Steve’s hair when he grumbled in response.

                Steve rolled in to a sitting position and stripped off his underwear from where it had been shoved down hastily. Bucky seemed to think that was a good idea and pulled off his own soiled clothing before tossing it at Steve and cackling in glee when they smacked him in the face. The laughter was infectious and Steve couldn’t contain his own giggles as he ran to the bathroom to grab a damp towel.

                When he returned Bucky had pulled off the bedspread and was leaning back against the headboard. Steve’s footsteps faltered as he was struck once again by how incredible the other man looked. His hair was mussed and his lips were swollen and dark red and Steve was sure that he’d never seen anything more beautiful. Clearing his throat, Steve wiped his own chest quickly before tossing the rag to land softly on Bucky. The brunet made quick work of his own soiled skin and tossed it to the floor before pulling Steve in close. Bucky’s eyes were heavy and already drifting shut as Steve curled against him, pressing him back as close as he could to Bucky’s chest.

                “Goodnight Steve,” Bucky whispered.

                Steve felt his heart swell with emotion as he was struck by the realization that tonight had been the best night he’d had since joining the Army all those years ago. The thought was exhilarating and terrifying and Steve decided not to worry about what it all meant until the morning.

               He let his own eyes close and listened to Bucky’s steady breathing behind him.

               “’Night Bucky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God I never meant for this chapter to be so long. It was really fun to write in the beginning and then it just kept happening.  
> The next few are going to be beasts as well so any comments you want to leave to boost my confidence before delving in to them would be great.
> 
> As always thank you so much to everyone who has stuck around to keep reading this and for all the love you've left. 
> 
> Feel free to come watch me cry about writing or to talk to me about life on Tumblr at ScienceofSociopaths


	13. Chapter 13

Steve let out a small hum of contentment as he pulled the warm body in his arms closer. Bucky nuzzled in to his embrace, muttering softly in his sleep. Cold air was seeping in through the cracks in the window next to the bed and the clouds overhead threatened snow, but Bucky’s body wrapped around him was a constant source of heat. Two weeks had passed since their first date and Steve still couldn’t believe that he could be this lucky.

  
After that night Bucky had become a frequent presence in Steve’s life. They met a few times a week for lunches before Steve had to work where, much to Peggy’s amusement, he loitered around the kitchen. Some days were spent in a comfortable silence as Steve did his prep and Bucky sat curled up at the table with a book. Other days though the room rang with laughter and noise as Bucky did his best to ‘help’; a process that involved him sneaking samples of food from Steve and being a general nuisance.

  
Now with Christmas only two days away, they had taken one last chance to spend time together before the entire Barnes family descended upon the estate and pulled Bucky away. It was no secret that Buck was distant from his family with the exception of his younger sister Rebecca who was finishing her degree at Yale and rarely got to visit. Bucky had spent most of the night telling stories about Christmas Eve parties his family had thrown in the past and trying to get Steve to place bets on how many times his family would ask when he was getting married. Steve had turned red at the implication which Bucky had found endearing. The productive portion of their evening had abruptly ended there.

  
“No please.”

  
Bucky’s muttering was growing steadily louder and Steve could feel the brunet’s muscles tensing as if he was trying to fight something off. Steve had nightmares of his own, who had served that didn’t, but he had never been on this side of the experience. Unsure what he should do, Steve tightened to hold on Bucky in what he hoped was a comforting manner and gently carded his fingers through the soft brown hair. “Shhh, it’s okay baby. I got you,” he hummed.

  
Bucky stilled momentarily and Steve let out a sigh of relief; the nightmare seemed to be passing. Just as suddenly as he had quieted though Bucky thrashed wildly, letting out a loud scream as his arms swung for a target.

  
“Bucky! Wake up!” Steve yelled, rolling on to his knees to pin down the thrashing man beside him. He had to get Bucky to wake up and calm down before one or both of them got hurt. “Come on Buck, please, wake up! It’s just a dream!”

  
Slowly, Bucky calmed, his limbs going limp at his side and his eyes opening slowly. He blinked groggily, looking up at Steve with wide eyes. Steve gently let him go and leaned back to give him some space. The next minute that followed was one of the longest in Steve’s life as those bright green eyes, normally so alive with life, slowly searched the room with fear and confusion as though Bucky expected to be somewhere else.

  
“Hey there,” Steve whispered, as Bucky silently studied his face.

  
“What happened?” Bucky’s voice was hoarse, his throat likely raw after his screams.

  
“You were having quite the nightmare. Want to tell me what it was about?”

  
The color that had started to return to Bucky’s face slowly drained away at the thought and Steve found himself wanting to go ask Sam for advice. Before he could make a decision though, Bucky sat up slowly, backing up until he was leaning against the headboard. “It’s been almost three weeks since I’d had one, I thought that maybe they were finally gone.”

  
Steve felt his heart drop; this was not an isolated incident then. Was this dream related to the one that had lead Bucky to call him all those months ago? Part of him wanted desperately to pry and find out more while the more reasonable part of him insisted that if Bucky wanted to tell him he would. When Bucky finally spoke, it was so quiet that Steve almost missed it.

  
“You deserve to know, but I’ll understand if you don’t want anything to do with me after.”

  
“Bucky, there’s nothing you could say to scare me away. I was a soldier remember?” Steve settled back against the headboard, letting his legs line up gently against Bucky’s in a silent reminder of his presence.

  
Bucky let out a heavy sigh and pulled the comforter closer. “It started about a year and a half ago –“

  
XXXX

  
Bucky felt his chest bubble with excitement as he watched the men and women twirl on the stage in front of him. Secretary Pierce was known for his lavish fundraisers and this year was a contender for his best event yet. The Metropolitan Opera House was packed with donors who had vied for a ticket to see the American Ballet Theatre and to show their support for one of the most popular politicians the city had ever produced. The Gala that followed was one of the most exclusive events of the year; while anyone could buy a ticket to see the ballet only 100 of Pierce’s closest friends were invited to stay after.

  
The Barnes family had flown in for the event and had been invited to share a private box with Pierce, a coveted spot. Since they had arrived their champagne flutes had never stayed empty for long and as the first act came to a close before them Bucky felt a pleasant buzz flow through his veins. While his eyes had been glued to the beautiful spectacle in front of him, Bucky had felt someone watching him, eyes burning in to the back of his head.

  
As the curtain fell and the lights rose for intermission Bucky turned to find the culprit. Pierce had a new body guard that had stood guard at the back of their box, Rumlow something or other. The man smiled as Bucky met his eyes. One by one the Barnes family left their box, his mother muttering about finding the ladies room while his father’s fingers twitched in the way that mean he was dying for a smoke, or something stronger. Pierce left with them, no doubt off to make his rounds. The second guard followed behind but motioned for Rumlow to stay and make sure no one tried to plant anything in the box.

  
It was just the two of them. Bucky did his best to remain focused on the program that he was flipping through and act as though he was oblivious to the other, really just freakishly gorgeous, man. Lord, did that man know how to wear a suit. The noises around them faded away as he noticed a pair of feet walking towards him. The stopped right in front of him and with a deep breath Bucky looked slowly up from his program. The guard was standing over him, looking down with an expression that was a curious mix of affection and hunger. Whatever it was, Bucky had to fight the urge to fidget in his seat.

  
Up close Bucky could see that his eyes were a rich brown, his nose had a rough crook in it –no doubt the result of getting it broken one too many times. His hair was dark and a light dusting of stubble was growing in across his, fucking freakishly strong jaw line. Bucky’s tongue flicked out to wet his lips and the other man grinned.

  
“See something you like?” His voice was rough, deep and full of a confidence Bucky had never been able to master but damn did it work for him.

  
Licking his lips again Bucky replied with a smirk. “Well that ballet was beautiful but I’m not so sure about now.”

  
That seemed to be the right answer because Rumlow took another step closer. He was so close that Bucky felt himself lean back in his chair so he wouldn’t have to crane his neck so far back. “Brock Rumlow,” the man said, extending a hand.  
It took Bucky a second to realize what was happening before he accepted the handshake with a smile. Brock’s hand was thick and strong where Bucky’s were smaller, a pianists hands his teacher had always said. His grasp was firm, almost too much but his grin was so infectious Bucky paid it no mind.

  
“Bucky Barnes,” he replied.

  
“I know who you are.” Brock chuckled and the sound was so rich and warm that Bucky never thought to ask how the man knew him already. Probably just briefed about the night, which would include his family. Of course.

  
“How long are you in New York for?” Brock let his hand run down the side of the chair Bucky was in before moving over to trace lightly down the side of his face; his over hand never breaking its grasp on Bucky’s.

  
Bucky shivered lightly at the touch and cursed when his body betrayed his interest and moved to lean in to the caress. “I’m leaving tomorrow evening, God forbid we stay out of DC for too long.”

  
Bucky felt his heart begin to race as Brock closed the last few inches between them, until he was so close that Bucky could feel the warmth of his breath ghosting over his own. “Go out with me tomorrow then,” Brock whispered. Behind him the lights flashed, warning the patrons that it was time to start making their way back to their seats. They didn’t have much time.

  
Bucky felt his head nod in acceptance before his mind was fully made. Brock’s face broke out in a grin so wide and bright that Bucky thought they could turn off all the lights and he would still be able to find his way; just as long as Brock looked at him like that.

  
“Perfect. Tell me what hotel you’re staying in and I’ll meet you in the lobby at noon.”

  
Bucky whispered the name of his hotel as his eyes flicked down to watch Brock’s lips as he spoke. They looked so soft and warm and they were so close, all he had to do was turn his head up a few degrees and lean in and-. Brock seemed to read his mind and the hand that had been slowly caressing his cheek moved to grip his chin firmly. Bucky gasped at the sensation and the other man took the opportunity to close the distance and press their lips together.

  
The feeling was electric. Bucky’s free hand grasped at the closest thing it could find until he was using Brock’s tie to pull his body ever closer. The angle was awkward with Bucky slouched against his chair and Brock leaning over him but as those soft lips moved softly against his own Bucky didn’t care. It was perfect.

  
The clacking of heels sounded in the hallway outside and the two men flung apart in surprise. They had mere seconds to straighten their hair and ties before Mr. and Mrs. Barnes strolled back in, oblivious to what they had almost walked in on. As they took their seats Brock swept past Bucky to his post. “Tomorrow at noon baby,” he whispered.

  
Bucky felt a thrill run through him and pulled his program up quickly to cover his grin. It was best if his parents didn’t start asking questions. The lights began to dim as Pierce swept inside. The curtain slowly rose and he sunk in to his chair next to Bucky. “I trust I didn’t miss anything good?” He asked as he picked up his champagne flute.

  
Bucky fought back a snicker and was suddenly very grateful for the low lighting as he tried to keep his face from turning too red.

  
XXXX

  
A loud knock on the door jerked Bucky awake. He sat in bed for a moment, his eyes trying to adjust to the darkness when the sound came again. Yes someone was definitely at his door. With a sigh Bucky flipped on the lights and pulled on a t-shirt. It was probably his dad, too stoned to find his own room. Not bothering to look through the peep hole Bucky opened the door. “Dad, do you know what fucking time it is?”

  
The chuckle that answered him was definitely not his father’s and Bucky’s eyes flew open in shock. Brock was standing in the hallway, still dressed in his suit from the Gala. “Oh you’re gonna start calling me Daddy now? I don’t know how I feel about that.”

  
His eyes were bright with laughter and that same hungry look that had Bucky’s skin crawling and his blood rushing south at the same time.

  
“Brock? What is it? How did you find my room?” Bucky ran a hand through his hair, hoping to straighten it out a bit and tried not to focus on how exposed he felt, standing there in just his boxer briefs and an old t-shirt.

  
“Well you did tell me what hotel you were staying in, remember? All I had to do was tell the people at the desk there had been an emergency and that Pierce had sent me to see to you and poof, they gave me your room number.” Brock’s voice was light and teasing and Bucky felt himself relax. Of course he had told Brock where he was staying; it was silly of him to get freaked out by Brock showing up.

  
Bucky held the door open a little wider and made to invite Brock inside before he stopped himself with a frown. “Wait a minute; that still doesn’t explain what you’re doing here at, fuck whatever time of night it is.”

  
Brock shook his head gently, smile still in place but smaller as if he was shy. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you baby. I tossed and turned in bed but I just kept thinking about you. So I went out for a walk and my feet just brought me here. Last thing I knew, I was standing in the lobby of your hotel baby, not knowing how I got here, just that I needed to see you again.”

  
Bucky felt his heart swell at the thought of someone walking across the city just to find him. Sure it was late but one or two drinks wouldn’t hurt. Besides it would be good for them to get to know more about each other before their date in the morning. Just a drink and some talk and then Brock would be on his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God I am such trash for waiting so long between posts. I'm sorry and I really really appreciate you all hanging on with me. This chapter was going to be almost 10,000 words long so I decided to split it into a few more manageable doses. 
> 
> Without including much spoilers, the next few chapters will be rough as we find out about Bucky's past. So please watch the tags. Feel free to come talk to me on tumblr at ScienceofSociopaths if you have any specific concerns about potential triggers or anything really.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the you've given me so far. Every kudos and comment just absolutely make my day.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna pass out the puppies and kittens and chocolate now.
> 
> Please head the warnings, this chapter is intense and I'm so sorry.

                One or two drinks turned in to five or six and before he knew it Bucky was buzzed and feeling lightheaded as he giggled at something Brock had said. Brock had drank just as much- hadn’t he?- but seemed to handle him booze much better than Bucky. Still giggling, Bucky started stumbling back over to the mini fridge for a few more of the small bottles, not paying any mind to what they would add to his bill in the morning.

                He grabbed the last three containers of vodka and was making his way back to the couch they had been talking on when he tripped over one of Brock’s shoes that he had kicked off some time earlier in the night.

                “Watch out there clumsy,” Brock teased, pulling Bucky up to his feet. “Let’s get you to bed.”

                Up close Bucky could see every detail in Brock’s eyes. The way the low lighting in the room hit them made them look almost black. Brock’s expression was almost feral and never before had Bucky felt more like prey as he was pushed slowly back on to the bed.

                “What’re you doin’?” Bucky asked, his voice slurring slightly as he strained to watch as Brock quickly began to undo the buckle on his belt and pushed his pants to the floor.

                “What’s it look like baby?” Brock’s voice was a low growl as he turned his attention to Bucky, roughly tugging his pajama pants and briefs off and tossing them to the floor.

                Bucky let out a huff of breath as Brock settled on top of him, straddling Bucky’s thighs so that he was pinned down to the bed. Bucky’s shirt was rucked up under his arms as Brock began to bite and lick his way down his neck. “But I just met you like six hours ago,” Bucky protested weakly.

                “So what? You clearly like it.” Brock let out a chuckle as he wrapped a fist tightly around Bucky’s –fucking traitorous- erection and bit down a little too hard over his collarbone. “Besides, we’re going out in the morning. You’re not gonna be a little bitch about this are you?”

                Bucky winced as Brock’s rough hand continued to stroke a little too roughly against such sensitive areas but shook his head. This is what people his age did, wasn’t it?

XXXX

                Bucky felt his phone buzz on the couch next to him for what had to be the tenth time in the last fifteen minutes. What could possibly be so important, he wondered as he moved to check the screen.

                “Uh-uh Bucky, you know the rules, no phones during movie night, especially when it’s the last one we’re going to have before I go off to grad school.”

                Bucky rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at his sister who was curled up next to him on the couch. Rebecca could be kind of a brat but he loved his baby sister and was really going to miss having her around. Since he had started dating Brock at the beginning of the summer almost all of his time had been accounted for. The two of them had some serious catching up to do before she left.

                “It’s probably just Brock,” Bucky mumbled as he turned his attention back to the screen. They were watching some sort of artsy film that Becca had insisted was the must see movie of the summer, but they had spent so much time talking over it Bucky had no idea what was actually going on.

                “Oh yes, the mysterious Brock who takes up all your time, I’m going to make sure Peggy keeps an eye on this one for me while I’m gone.”

                Bucky pulled a face and threw a handful of popcorn in his sister’s direction before a loud pounding came from his door. Becca shot a curious look in his direction and Bucky shrugged in response. He wasn’t expecting anyone was he? The pounding grew even louder and Bucky hurried over to the door before it started to break off its hinges.

                “What the fuck Barnes?” Brock roared as soon as the door cracked open. He pushed his way inside the apartment with enough force that the door slammed against the wall before bouncing back. “You’re clearly home, so what’s with ignoring me all night? Your phone better be fucking broken or something.”

                Bucky sank back against the door as Brock continued to yell. He winced when his boyfriend ran a hand across the small table he kept in his entry hallway and sent the small pile of mail flying across the floor. 

                “I’m sorry Brock, please just-,” Bucky began, trying to get the other man to quiet down before his sister came to see what was going on.

                “Please what, Bucky?”  Brock stormed back towards him, his height menacing as he towered over Bucky. “Do you think I want to hear your little excuses? I could have been out with literally one else tonight you know that? I could find someone new so fast but I stay here to take care of your sorry ass and this is how you repay me for that? By ignoring my messages all day?”

                Bucky fought the urge to close his eyes and try to disappear in to the shadows. He should have just checked his phone earlier and this could have been avoided. “I’m sorry baby,” he whimpered, voice barely above a whisper. “I wanted to see you, but my sister is here. She’s leaving in a few days though.” Bucky raised a shaking hand to brush softly against Brock’s cheek. “I’m so thankful for you, you know that right?”

                Brock let out a heavy sigh but relaxed slightly against Bucky’s touch. “You know I don’t like it when you make me do this baby.”

                “I know, I’m sorry. I should have told you she was going to come over today.” Bucky took the opportunity to push away from the door and press his body against Brock’s in a way he knew the older man liked, rolling his hips softly as he moved. “Two days and then I’m all yours again. Let me make it up to you.”

                Brock’s expression was still hard but his face relaxed slowly as one side of his mouth tugged up in to a smirk. Threading his hand in Bucky’s hair Brock began to push until Bucky got the hint and sunk down to his knees. “You can start now.”

XXXX

                “God you smell like a drunk who just fell off the wagon.” Bucky grimaced as his boyfriend brushed past him in to the apartment, his footsteps heavy as he stumbled.

                “Shut up,” Brock growled, gripping Bucky’s jaw painfully as he began to lead the other man to the bedroom. His breath was heavy with alcohol and tobacco as he moved in to crush their lips together.

                Bucky let out a pained whimper and tried to break away from the kiss but Brock’s grip was too strong as his teeth sunk in to Bucky’s bottom lip. Bucky could taste blood as the other man licked over it with a growl. Bucky was slammed back against a wall as Brock’s other hand pulled his hips forward, his fingers digging in to the skin and creating bruises. Bucky squirmed, trying to break free as his boyfriend began to rut desperately against him, his dick grinding almost painfully across Bucky’s hip.

XXX

                “I’m not going to like how this story ends am I?” Steve growled, his hands balled tightly in to fists at his side. Bucky could tell by the way he was twitching that the blond really wanted to get up and pace across the floor but he adamantly stayed pressed against Bucky’s side.

                “Well, this part ends okay,” Bucky whispered, wishing once again that he could simply sink into the shadows and disappear. “You may not like the rest of it though, but I really need to tell you.”

                Steve nodded, his expression softening as he looked over at Bucky. “Sorry I interrupted you.”

                Bucky smiled at the man next to him and knocked their knees together lightly. “It’s okay; you probably didn’t want to hear the details of the sex anyways.”

                Steve let out a strangled noise that Bucky was pretty sure meant no, Steve really didn’t want to hear it but he would listen if that’s what Bucky needed him to do.

                “I broke up with him when it was over though. Let’s just say he left one too many bruises and used far too little preparation for me to keep letting it continue.”

                Next to him Steve trembled as he struggled to suppress his anger at the idea of anyone hurting Bucky. “I’m proud of you for leaving that asshole,” Steve said, doing his best to keep his voice even.

                “Yeah, he didn’t take it well. He punched a hole through my wall and said I’d regret it and come crawling back like I always do.”

                “He was a dick Bucky and you deserve so much better than him,” Steve whispered, his death grip on the sheets relaxing slightly.

                “Don’t say that yet. We’re only just now getting to the good part of the story.” Bucky took a deep breath before continuing. He had come this far, he couldn’t back out now. “About two weeks later I saw him at a charity event...”

XXX

                Bucky helped himself to another glass of single malt scotch as he tried to make his way back across the floor to his table. These events were always packed with too many people and Bucky had never really understood why his mother insisted that they attend all of them as a family. Just as his table came in to sight Bucky froze, almost dropping his glass in the process.

                Leaning casually against Bucky’s empty chair as though he belonged there was Brock. Brock Rumlow has always looked unfairly handsome in a suit and tonight was no exception. The man’s face broke out in to a grin when he saw Bucky and before Bucky’s fight or flight reflex could properly kick in Brock was headed his way.

                “You look amazing tonight,” Brock said as he slowly took in every inch of Bucky in a way that left him feeling raw and exposed. “Please Bucky, can we talk in private for a minute?”

               When Bucky didn’t respond Brock put a hand on his elbow and started to steer him off the main floor. Bucky’s mind was reeling and his heart was pounding as he followed Brock out in to the practically deserted hallway and in to the first empty room they came across. It turned out to be a small office and Brock gently backed away to lean against the desk. Bucky appreciated the space as he took a long drink of his scotch.

              “Baby I’m so sorry for the way things ended,” Brock began. “I was drunk and way out of line.”

              Bucky kept his gaze fixed on the wall past Brock where a small watercolor landscape was hanging. He knew if he turned to look at Brock his resolve would crumble and that was not something he could afford to let happen. As apologies continued to fall in a steady stream from Brock’s lips Bucky focused on remembering the bruises that had taken almost a week to fade. On remembering the pain in his ass that had prevented him from sitting down for two days.

             “Goddamnit you could at least listen to me,” Brock yelled, his voice cutting through Bucky’s thoughts. “I’m trying to be nice here but you always have to act out like a little bitch and try my patience.”

             Something in Bucky snapped and he finally turned to meet Brock’s gaze. “Do you really think I should be grateful to you for saying sorry after what you did?”

             Brock’s eyes darkened as he pushed off the desk and stalked closer. His voice was dangerously low in a way that made Bucky’s skin crawl as he approached. “You ungrateful little shit. I never should have let you seduce me that first night. This is all your fault and yet you’re standing here with the nerve to blame me for the things you made me do?”

            Bucky backed away slowly as Brock advanced but the office was small and in a few steps his back hit the wall and he was trapped. The larger man crowded against him, one hand wrapping tightly across his throat to pin him in place as the other pulled roughly at his pants. The sound of the zipper breaking under such force sent a shock of panic through Bucky’s body but he couldn’t move.

           “Such a little whore,” Brock growled as Bucky’s trousers and briefs fell to the floor. In an instant Brock flipped him around so that his chest was to the wall, his head bent awkwardly to one side. “You pretend like you didn’t like what happened last time but I know how you really are.”

           The sound of Brock’s belt being undone and the soft whisper of fabric hitting the floor was almost deafening as Bucky tried once again to pull away. His struggling was futile, Brock easily had four inches and fifty pounds on him; there was no way Bucky was getting away this time.

           “You want me inside you?” Brock’s voice rumbled through Bucky’s chest as he spoke. “I know you do, little cockslut like you always wants more. If you thought last time was bad just you wait. I’m going to make it so you can’t sit for a week.”

XXXX

                The next three weeks crept by and slowly Bucky tried to let his life go back to normal. This time Brock had been smart and all of the marks he left were easily covered by Bucky’s clothes. As each bruise began to fade so did his paranoia. Bucky smiled at his downstairs neighbor and paused to hold the door open for her and her daughter. He had made it the entire way to his favorite Indian restaurant and back with take out and hadn’t looked over his shoulder once.

                Bucky knew that he should have told someone but now that Becca was off to school and he was living on his own, he was a little ashamed to admit that he didn’t really have anyone in his life to confide in. No, it was better that he just move on in peace, at this point it would just be his word against Brock’s.

                As he rounded the corner on his floor Bucky paused. The door to his apartment was cracked open. The lights inside were still off and there didn’t appear to be any damage to the door that would suggest a break in. Maybe he had just left the door open? Cautiously Bucky pushed the door open the rest of the way and peaked inside. Nothing in his immediate line of sight seemed to be missing or broken.  It was simply an accident. With a sigh of relief Bucky sat down his bag of food on the table and fumbled for the light switch.

                “I was wondering when you would be back baby,” a voice said as the lights flickered on. Bucky froze, his heart skipped a beat and then another as it tried to keep up with the terror that was holding him in place. It couldn’t be. He was just hearing things right?

                Taking a deep breath Bucky turned around and felt his stomach drop. Brock was reclined against his sofa, feet kicked up on the coffee table in front of him. He was smirking as he watched Bucky stammer for words.

                “H-h-how- how the Hell did you get in to my apartment?”

                Brock just chuckled as he kicked his feet to the side to land on the floor with a loud thud. “Don’t worry about it baby. You sound like you’re not happy to see me.”

                Brock’s laughter sent fire through Bucky’s veins that shocked his system back in to motion. “I’m not. Get the fuck out of here.”

                “Playing hard to get are we?” Brock slowly stood and began to make his way across the room, that mocking smirk never leaving his lips.

                Adrenaline was flooding Bucky’s body and he silently promised himself that he would not give in without a solid fight. “I’m not playing anything with you Rumlow. I’m warning you, get out of my home.”

                Brock never stopped moving closer as he spoke. “You made the sweetest sounds for me last time baby. I can’t wait to hear you like that again.”

                The other man was only a foot away when Bucky swung at him, throwing a punch for the first time since he had fought Tony Stark behind the gym in high school. Brock seemed to anticipate his every move though and deftly caught or blocked every hit Bucky threw his way. “That’s it baby, I like a little rough housing,” he sneered.

                Bucky swung again in his best attempt at an uppercut. Brock caught his fist and used the momentum to twist his arm, making Bucky double over where he was met with a knee to the stomach. He let out a cry of pain and tears stung his eyes as Brock let go of his fist. Bucky sunk to his knees with a whimper, arms crossed protectively over his abdomen. “What’s wrong? You can dish it out but you can’t take it?”

                The last thing Bucky remembered was a foot swinging towards his face before everything went black.

XXX

                “I’m going to kill him.” Steve rolled off the bed and paced back and forth across the floor, no longer able to contain his frustration. “No killing him would be too nice. I’m going to dismember him piece by piece.”

                “Steve-“

                “I’m going to have him hung, drawn and quartered!” Steve continued his rant; fists clenching and unclenching at his sides.

                “Steve!”

                “No! How exactly do you go about tar and feathering someone these days? There has to be a way-“

                “STEVE!” Bucky yelled, a smile pulling at his lips as he watched the other man pace.

                Steve looked over, eyes wide as though he had almost forgotten Bucky was there. “Sorry,” he whispered, slowing his movements but unable to stand completely still.

                “It’s okay.” Bucky still felt raw from the emotions telling this story was bringing up in him but at the same time he couldn’t help the swell of affection that he was feeling for Steve. Steve, who had never been anything but kind and gentle with him. Steve, who had been so protective of him since they had met. “There’s more to the story though if you think you can handle it without your head exploding or something.”

                Steve let out a heavy sigh but sat down on the edge of the bed and placed a hand softly over Bucky’s knee., his thumb tracing soft patterns through the sheets. “I’ll do my best, but I can’t promise I won’t go hunt this asshole down when you’re finished.”

                “Deal,” Bucky agreed, flashing the other man a smile.

XXX

                “What are you trying to say here?” Bucky held his breath and tried to calm his grip on the phone at his ear; any harder and he’d crack the screen.

                “I’m sorry Mr. Barnes but the charges against Mr. Rumlow have been dropped,” his lawyer explained.

                “How is that even possible? I’m the one filing charges against that asshole and I sure as hell didn’t change my mind.” Bucky paced back and forth across the floor of his living room and tried to reassure himself that this was all just a big misunderstanding.

                “Secretary Pierce stepped in on the behalf of his employee and due to his prestige in the area no judge will hear your case. He’s promised that he’ll get Mr. Rumlow the appropriate help he needs to change his behavior. I’m sorry but my hands are tied here. Even the police have thrown out the record of the event ever happening.”

                Bucky slammed his phone against the counter, no longer caring if the damn thing broke. How could they say there was no record when his body was still covered in evidence? It hadn’t even been a week since he’d woken up in the middle of a wet patch on the bed, his body broken and bruised. Bucky’s vision threatened to go dark as he was consumed by rage and stalked over to the kitchen to do the first thing he could think of: get a drink.

                He went straight to the bottle of scotch and put it to his lips, ignoring the sharp burn against the back of his throat with each swallow. If he really lived in a world where the words of one politician could erase him like he had never existed then maybe that was a world he didn’t want to remember right now; or even live in. Bucky’s rage never faded though as he stalked around his apartment, bottle in one hand as he threw anything that came across his path to the floor. Around his feet picture frames shattered as he knocked aside a smiling face that he didn’t recognize any more. Stepping on a photo of him and Becca at his graduation from Brown, Bucky wondered idly when the last time was that he had smiled freely like that. He lost track of time though as he retraced his steps over and over again until the alcohol running through his veins sent him stumbling in to walls.

                For the first time since this had all started Bucky let himself really cry as he leaned against the sink in the bathroom. The face looking back at him in the mirror was splotchy and red and everything Brock had ever told him about how worthless and disgusting he was raced through his head until he couldn’t take it anymore. Bucky didn’t realize that he had slammed his fist in to the mirror until he reached for the now mostly empty bottle and saw the blood dripping from his split knuckles.

Curious, he flexed his hand and hissed as pain ran up his arm. For a moment all he could feel was the sharp stinging flooding his senses and the voices in his head were blissfully quiet. As he got used to the pain though it faded to a dull ache and once again he heard Brock whispering terrible things in his ears. Bucky sunk to the ground with a whimper. All he wanted was for that taunting voice to go away. He needed it to go away.

A glint of light shone from a shard of broken mirror that had fallen to the floor and before he had really thought it through Bucky had picked it up and dug the tip in to his left arm. Just a few more seconds and the voices would go away again. Just a few more seconds and it would all be quiet…

XXX

                Bucky let out a sigh as he finished his story, looking warily up at Steve who had sat completely motionless while he spoke save for his thumb which never stopped drawing soothing circles across Bucky’s knee.

                “Thankfully I had forgotten that Becca was supposed to come over that night to check on me and since the lawyer called me as I was getting home I had forgotten to lock the door. I woke up in the hospital the next day. She found me in the bathroom and called an ambulance.” Bucky felt a tear roll down his cheek at the memory of waking up in the hospital with his baby sister slumped against his bed.

                “The doctors told me that I had missed the artery but if I had cut just a little deeper or Becca had showed up just a little later then it wouldn’t have mattered. My parents didn’t bother to show up for two days and when they did they sent me to a private hospital in Virginia to get some counseling. When I got out they insisted that I move back in with them where they could ‘keep an eye on me’ so that I wouldn’t ‘try any more stunts like that’ again.”

                “And that’s where I came in,” Steve whispered, voice thick with emotion.

                “Pretty much. Anyways I’ll understand if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. I know damaged goods aren’t real attractive.”

                Steve gently placed a finger under Bucky’s chin and tilted it up so that he could look him in the eye. “James Buchanan Barnes, never for one second think that I would think any less of you for what you’ve been through. Absolutely none of what happened to you was your fault. You did not ask for it and it does not make you weak. However, if I ever see that scum bag again I can guarantee that I will tar and feather him before having him hung, drawn, and quartered and then I will probably dismember those quarters bit by bit.”

                Bucky let out a huff of laughter and let his head fall forward to lean against Steve’s. “Thank you,” he whispered.

                “You don’t have to thank me Buck. I’m with you until the end of the line remember?”

                “I wish I didn’t have to leave in the morning. I would much rather spend my Christmas with you.”

                Steve let his thumb trail across Bucky’s jaw and pulled back to kiss him softly on the tip of his nose. “ I’ll be in the kitchen all day whenever you need to escape.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God that was a beast to write. I'm so sorry Bucky. I promise it gets happy from here.
> 
> Thank y'all so much for reading. Please let me know what you think of it. Comments make my life, really. Also come talk to me on tumblr at ScienceofSociopaths!


	15. Chapter 15

_“Mmmf Bucky wait, the soup-“ Steve protested half heartedly as his boyfriend slowly pushed him backwards until he was perched on a bar stool._

_"Steve, we have the entire place to ourselves. Peggy is back in England visiting her sister and my parents are at their millionth holiday party. You’re only responsible for making my dinner and trust me when I tell you,_ soup _is not what I want to be eating right now.” Bucky shot him a wink as he sunk down to his knees and nuzzled gently at the inside of Steve’s thigh_

_Steve let out a soft whine as deft hands moved to the button on his trousers and soft lips attacked every inch of skin as soon as it became available. It was hard to argue with that kind of logic. “You could have said something before I made it then.”_

_Rolling his eyes, Bucky nipped gently at the blonde’s hip. “Babe, I will personally cook you dinner should your precious soup get scorched.” He mouthed at Steve’s growing erection through the fabric of his briefs, smirking when he felt fingers thread through his hair. “Relax.”_

_The word was punctuated by Bucky tugging his underwear down out of the way and a tongue flicking lightly over the tip of his dick._ Fuck yes _._

_“Bucky,” he whimpered, trying to still his hips as they twitched, desperate to thrust up into the wet heat of Bucky’s mouth._

_Even though they had only been dating for a month now, when they were together it was as if their bodies had been personally made for each other. Bucky seemed to know hundreds of tricks that made Steve go weak at the knees and Steve was able to read Bucky’s body better than his own. They were two halves of a whole and Steve couldn’t help wondering where this man had been hiding his whole life._

_Just let go baby,” Bucky whispered, his voice deep and husky in a way that sent shivers down Steve’s spine. Never breaking eye contact, Bucky sunk down, swallowing his cock inch by inch until Steve could feel the tip brushing against the back of Bucky’s throat._

_The kitchen was alive with the slick sounds Bucky made as he picked up his pace and the throaty moans that Steve couldn’t hold back. Bucky’s face was flushed and his hair was a wreck where Steve’s fingers kept carding through the soft strands. “Oh God Buck.” Steve could feel his chest tighten and his heart race as the brunet brought him steadily closer to the edge. “You were fucking made for this. Mmmm- Bucky!”_

“Steve!”

Steve’s head jerked up, sending a painful twinge down his neck. Peggy stared at him expectantly, an eyebrow gracefully arched. Caught in his day dream Steve felt his face flush with embarrassment, he was just lucky that the counter blocked the obvious bulge in his jeans from view.

“Sorry Peggy, I uh... zoned out for a second there.” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and tried to force himself to meet her eyes. During the few days they’d had the Barnes estate to themselves Steve and Bucky had taken it upon themselves to christen every room; some –mainly the kitchen- more than once. Peggy had come early today to discuss the menu for the New Years Eve party in a few days and had made the mistake of choosing the location of their latest encounter to sit. It had triggered some rather delicious, if somewhat poorly timed, memories.

“I’ll say you did.” She shot him a wink that suggested she knew exactly what he had been thinking about before flipping open her planner. “I’m still amazed that James convinced his parents that you deserved New Years Eve off and even got you invited to the party.”

Steve felt flustered as he shuffled his menu ideas and recipe cards on the counter in front of him. They were keeping their relationship quiet for now, but Peggy had clearly figured them out. Hell, she probably knew the exact moment Steve had asked Bucky to go to dinner. Nothing happened in this estate without her knowledge. “Yeah… well, he’s a …uh good friend. He just thought after working practically every moment since Thanksgiving that I might, um... want a night off.” Peggy’s knowing smile grew as Steve fumbled for words. “The Barnes family has been really good to me.”

Peggy let out a muffled snort of laughter that she tried, and failed, to cover with a cough. “Yes, well be that as it may, you still have to have everything planned for the catering crew so what’s it going to be Chef?”

Menu planning. Menu planning was good. Steve had always been good at two things: standing up for other people and talking about food. As he jotted down ideas and dietary restraints, he started to relax. This was his comfort zone.

“You know, it’s a bit odd,” Peggy said as she gathered the papers that had steadily spread out farther and farther across the counter while they talked. Steve hummed absent mindedly in response as he finished writing their finalized menu.

“James still spends most of his nights out, but I haven’t seen him bring anyone home in over a month.”

Steve blanched, his hand jerking in surprise so that his s looked more like an eight. Just breathe, he told himself. She’s happy for you both; she just likes to mess with you.  “Hmm, I hadn’t noticed,” Steve mumbled. Good. That was good, play it cool.

Smirking, Peggy continued talking as if she was oblivious to the effect it was having on her friend. “I hardly ever hear his nightmares any more. When he actually spends the night here, he seems so peaceful. Haven’t heard him scream once.”

Steve couldn’t hold back a small, relieved smile. After Bucky had confided in him about his past, he had also told Steve how often his nightmares plagued him. It was no wonder that the man spent most nights trying to keep himself occupied and awake. “Oh, was he having bad nightmares? I didn’t know that. I’m glad he seems to be doing better,” Steve replied, trying to keep the emotions that were flooding through him out of his voice.

“I know you’re keeping everything quiet for some reason, but Steve,” Peggy paused to catch Steve’s eye and covered his hand with hers. “I think you’ve been good for him, and he really deserves some good in his life. If you’re lucky, I think that he will be good for you as well.”

XXX

New Years Eve arrived two days later. The winter air was crisp and the skies were clear and beautiful. As Steve pulled up to the Barnes estate in Sam’s borrowed truck he tried to calm the butterflies in his stomach. He had never been just a guest, and it was going to require all of his will power to refrain from checking on the kitchen during the night.

White lights were strung through the hedges that lined the front drive and candles sat flickering in each of the windows. The estate was beautiful during the day but at night, lit up like this it was almost breath taking. Feeling more than a little embarrassed, Steve stepped out of the truck and passed his keys off to a valet with a sheepish grin. The young man smiled knowingly at him as he hopped in to pull the car away. His ride stood out like a sore thumb in a sea of luxury cars.

Peggy met him at the door, stunning in a slim fitting red cocktail dress. She led the couple that had arrived before him over to the stairs and told them the ballroom was the first door on the right before turning her attention to him. “Look who cleans up nicely,” she teased, letting out a soft whistle.

Steve brushed at his suit jacket nervously, smoothing out any potential wrinkles. “I’ve never been on this side before, do you think it’s okay?” Sam had helped him shop for his first new suit in years and had insisted that the slim fitting, well tailored suit was en vogue right now, whatever that meant.

Taking advantage of the small lull in arrivals, Peggy slid an arm through his and pulled him across the room to the stairs. “Steve you look ravishing. If I didn’t know that you already had an eager suitor upstairs I would consider trying to get a piece of you myself.”

“Thanks,” Steve whispered, his cheeks flushing at the praise. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Peggy’s laughter filled the room as she pressed a kiss to him cheek. “Trust me, I know.” She carefully wiped any smudges of lipstick away before giving him a small push up the first step. “Now go and have a lovely night.”

He made it up a few stairs before turning. “I’ll come find you at midnight!”

 She made a ‘go on already’ gesture towards the landing but her smile was bright as she turned to greet the couple that had just arrived. Upstairs the ballroom was full of people dressed in their finest. The room itself was exquisite; hundreds of candles were clustered in every corner to cast a soft glow across the room. Large topiaries sat full of scarlet poinsettias, ivory roses, and velvety amaryllis blossoms on each table; snow dusted pine cones, garnet berries, and tall willow branches with small lights mixed in as accents. The room was warm, despite the double doors leading to each of the three balconies being propped open. The railing of each was wrapped delicately in garland and strung with the same twinkling white lights as the front of the house. The whole room felt like a winter wonderland, and Steve made a mental note to compliment Peggy on her exquisite work later.

Turning to take it all in, Steve froze as something caught his eye and the air flew out of him as though he had been hit. Bucky stood, leaning gracefully against one of the open doors. A cluster of nearby candles cast light softly across his features, making each contour more pronounced. His face lit up when he noticed Steve staring at him and he pushed off the door with a grin. As Bucky made his way across the room to where Steve was frozen in place, the rest of the room seemed to blur away around him until all Steve could see was Bucky gliding towards him.

Dressed in the most impeccable, flawless, flattering suit Steve had ever seen, Bucky made the rest of the room look bland in comparison. He was a vision cut in sharp black lines, effortlessly styled chestnut hair and dark emerald eyes. As his heart beat started to return to normal and he found his breath, Steve took a step forward to meet his partner. He had to remember to thank every deity available for his good fortune because there was nothing he could have done to deserve this stunningly handsome creature in front of him.  No good deed was enough to warrant Bucky looking at him like he was the only thing in the room worth seeing.

“You’ll catch flies with your mouth gapping open like that,” Bucky whispered, his eyes sparkling in the soft candlelight.

Steve shut his mouth with a click; he hadn’t even realized it was open. “I can’t help it, you look… just… so incredibly amazing tonight.”

Bucky’s grin grew impossibly brighter at the compliment and Steve reached out to tangle their fingers together. It took everything in his power to refrain from pulling Bucky towards him and kissing him until they were gasping for air.

“Come with me,” Bucky whispered, pulling Steve across the room behind him until they reached the farthest balcony. The cool evening air mixed with the heat from the crowded room but together like this the temperature was the last thing on their mind. When they were together everything else faded away.

Bucky wrapped his arms loosely around Steve’s waist and pulled him in until they were pressed flush. Steve cupped the brunet’s face gently in one hand and placed the other lightly on his hip as he closed the last remaining distance. Their lips brushed softly and Steve couldn’t help but let out as gasp as Bucky’s tongue flicked out to wet his lips. The touch was like an explosion of sensation and suddenly Steve needed more. More heat, more tongue, more Bucky.

His hand slid back to tangle in the hairs at the nape of Bucky’s neck as Steve pulled gently at his bottom lip with his teeth before running his tongue lightly over the soft skin. Bucky’s answering groan sent shivers through him and Steve broke away to rest his forehead against Bucky’s. Bucky’s lips were red and swollen from the kiss and practically begging Steve to dive back in until he was in too deep to ever leave. Music slowly began to drift out of the ballroom and wrapped them in its sweet melody.

“Mr. Rogers, may I have this dance,” Bucky asked with an over the top flourish of his hand.

“It would be my pleasure.” Steve took the brunet’s offered hand and fought to hide a shiver as Bucky’s other hand slid inside his jacket to rest on the small of his back. “I should warn you though, I have two left feet.”

Bucky’s grin was bright and in that moment Steve knew that as long as he had Bucky around to look at him like that, he would never need anything else in his life. Was that what falling in love felt like? It had been so long that Steve wasn’t sure but as Bucky slowly began to twirl them around the balcony it really hit him. He was completely, head over heels in love with the gorgeous man in his arms.

XXXX

The night passed them by in a blur of dancing and laughter as they hid out in the relative privacy of the balcony. Guests came and went but they paid them no mind, preferring to stay in their perfect little bubble of solitude as long as possible. Secretary Pierce’s arrival led to an increase in the noise of conversations that leaked out in to the night air but it fell on deaf ears.

“I’m going to go grab a new drink,” Steve muttered, untangling himself from his lover’s warm embrace. “Can I get you anything?”

“Just get me one of whatever you’re having,” Bucky called, turning to lean against the railing and look out over the large gardens.

Minutes blurred together as he tried to count the stars that were visible through the ambient city lights and thought about just how happy he was. Even before Rumlow had come in to his life, Bucky was sure that he had never been quite as happy as he was with Steve. The former Army Captain brought out the best parts of him and when they were together it felt like they could conquer anything. With Steve he no longer felt broken.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist, shaking him out of his thoughts. Bucky hummed at the touch, leaning back in to the embrace.

“I knew you missed me baby,” a rough voice growled in his ear.

Bucky felt his body instinctually freeze in terror, his breath catching in his throat as he fought for air. This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be happening. He was going to turn around and see Steve looking down at him like Bucky alone had hung the moon and everything was going to be okay. The arms around him tightened, fingers digging in to his arms in ten points of harsh pressure. Definitely not Steve.

Brock’s voice was low, his lips brushing against the shell of Bucky’s ear as he spoke. “It’s okay baby, I’m not mad at you for ignoring me for so long. I know you’ll be a good boy and make it up to me later.”

The world in front of Bucky blurred out of focus as his mind reeled. How was this possible? Why wasn’t he reacting? Where was Steve? Why was his body not listening to his mind and trying to run? It was as if Bucky was trapped inside his own mind; screaming at his body to react, to move, to do something as one of Brock’s hands slid down his arm and across his hip to flick open the button of his trousers. Trapped up there and forced to watch.

"You know, you’re lucky I even came back to your sorry ass after the way you treated me.” Brock pushed closer against Bucky’s back, pushing his hips and the noticeable bulge in to Bucky’s hip. “It’s only because you’re such a pretty little slut in bed.” The sound of his zipper slowly edging down was deafening and Bucky felt himself slowly receding in to the relative safety of his mind; walls he had just let down building up against what his body had been conditioned to expect.

“I’ve had plenty since you but none of them make those sweet little cries when I-“

The sound of glass smashing against the pavement broke through the night and Bucky felt himself lurch as the arms wrapped around him where suddenly pulled away. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Steve roared.

Without Brock forcing him up Bucky collapsed against the railing, his legs trembling as they struggled to hold his weight. When he finally managed to turn around he saw Steve holding Brock’s neck in a firm grip with one hand, the other delivering a swift uppercut to his gut. Brock let out a low groan of pain and doubled over to catch his breath as soon as Steve released his grip.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Brock was spitting mad as he stood up to take a swing at his opponent.

Steve easily dodged his punch, catching Brock’s arm by the wrist and using the momentum to turn him around and wrench his arm up behind his back. Bucky’s fists tightened their grip on the cold railing as Brock glare focused on him. “I’m Captain Steve Rogers and you were just molesting someone who you clearly did not have permission to touch.”

With each word Steve pulled Brock’s arm a little farther, putting just enough stress on his shoulder that it would cause maximum pain without dislocating. “How is what I do to this little whore any of your business?” Brock spat through gritted teeth.

Steve released his grip on the other mans arm and flipped him back around, fisting his hand in Brock’s previously pristine shirt and holding his face forward roughly by the chin. A few steps forward was all it took before Brock’s back slammed against the hard metal rail next to Bucky. Engaged like this, Steve was a menacing sight. He had at least two inches of height over Brock and his normally kind, blue eyes were blazing with rage where they caught Brock’s.

“His name is James Buchanan Barnes.” Steve jerked a knee up, his leg slamming in to the other man’s groin to emphasize his point. “And he also happens to be my boyfriend.”

Bucky could only gape as he watched the scene unfold next to him. Deep down he knew he should say something; should stop Steve before he caught the wrong kind of attention from the very powerful people that stood just inside. However, as he watched Steve enact everything he’d always wanted to do to Brock, Bucky found that he really didn’t care. If anyone came, they would figure it out together.

Steve’s voice was a low growl as he leaned in close to Brock, pushing back so that the brunet was leaning back over the railing. “Do you know how many ways there are to injure someone without leaving a mark? Ribs break with astonishing ease. A hit to your kidneys will have you pissing blood before a bruise will ever form. If you ever even think about touching him, if you ever even deign to look at him again then not even your asshole boss will be able to save you. Come around him again and I will kill you.”

Fear flashed through Brock’s eyes before he covered it with a cocky smirk. “Your guard dog won’t always be around Barnes, I’ll see you later.”

Steve’s face was the picture of calm as he shrugged his shoulders and gave Brock a final heavy push, sending him toppling over the rail. In seconds the other man met the ground below them with a loud thud and an even louder curse. Bucky turned to gape at his boyfriend who was calmly trying to brush the wrinkles out of his jacket.

Feeling Bucky’s astonished gaze Steve turned with a small smile and gave another shrug. “I warned him. Besides, this is only the second floor; he didn’t have that far to fall.”

Laughter bubbled forth from Bucky’s chest at the absurdity of it all and the overwhelming relief that he felt coursing through his body. As the adrenaline left his system though, the giggles slowly became soft sobs. Steve draped a warm around Bucky’s shoulders and led them through the ballroom, out in to the hall and around the corner to the dimly lit back staircase.

Thanking his above average memory, Steve made his way up to the third floor and through the small maze of hallways that led to Bucky’s room. ‘It’s like they stuck you in the most remote corner of the house available,’ Steve had joked when Bucky had first brought him up here. Bucky’s response still sat uneasy in Steve’s mind as he opened the heavy wooden door. Bucky had simply given him a sad shrug and told him, ‘I wake myself up most nights screaming, they don’t like to hear it’.

Moonlight and the ambient light from the lit up gardens cast a dim glow across the room as Steve made his way over to the large four poster bed and gently set Bucky down on the edge. As they had walked Bucky’s sobs had slowed until he was left with the occasion sniffle.

“I’m so sorry,” Bucky whispered; his voice soft and broken as he collapsed in on himself.

The words were like a knife to the gut and Steve turned so that he could look Bucky in the eye. “You have nothing to apologize for Buck.”

Bucky let out a soft sniffle and looked pointedly down at the floor. “You shouldn’t have been put in that position. I should have handled it.”

 “Hey babe, look at me.” Steve brushed the backs of his fingers across Bucky’s cheek, wiping away the last of his tears before running his thumb gently across the brunet’s jaw. When Bucky finally turned to meet his gaze, Steve felt his heart swell with affection. “You never have to apologize for that asshole. I love you too much to just sit by and let him say those horrible things to you.”

Bucky’s jaw dropped open and his brow furrowed as he watched Steve, his mind racing again to catch up. Had Steve really just said…? “Wait, what’d you say?” Bucky hated how vulnerable he sounded but he had to know.

Even in the low lighting, Steve’s blush was obvious. “Er, well that’s not really how I meant to tell you but I love you Buck.”

He broke out in a grin, hands going up to rest lightly on Steve’s shoulders. “Say it again.”

“I love you,” Steve repeated, his own grin wide as he closed some of the distance between them.

 “No one has ever said that me before,” Bucky confessed.

Steve’s chest tightened as Bucky’s words repeated over and over in his head. “I’ll be sure to tell you until you get sick of hearing it because I love you James Barnes.”

Bucky surged forward, lips seeking out Steve’s in a heated kiss. “I love you to,” he whispered against Steve’s lips. He could feel Steve’s smile grow impossibly wider against him before Steve came crashing back in to him.

The kiss said more than they could ever hope to put in to words. It was all lips, tongues, and passion and it was perfect. Steve moaned as Bucky’s tongue brushed against his own and fingers fisted in his hair. Bucky tasted faintly of the Champagne they had just shared as well as something that was so uniquely him. It was heaven. All too soon they broke apart, gasping for air as Bucky quickly tossed his jacket to the floor and made short work of his bow tie.

“Buck, you don’t have to,” Steve started.

Bucky silenced his protests with a kiss. “I know Steve but I want to.”

The distant sounds of chatter and music seeped through the windows as Bucky lay back against the sheets, Steve following him until their bodies were slotted perfectly. With soft kisses and a tender touch, Steve explored every inch of the incredible man below him. His only answers were soft gasps and moans as Steve popped open each button of his shirt, lavishing attention on the skin it revealed. Bucky’s eyes fluttered open and closed as the sensations threatened to overwhelm him. As Steve tugged gently at his trousers, still hanging open from before, every nerve in his body was singing. His body was on fire from Steve’s touch and Bucky was more than willing to burn.

Steve let out a muffled noise when he got the offending clothing out of the way. Bucky’s cock was hard and thick where it rested against his pelvis, the tip flushed dark. Unable to resist such a mouth watering sight, Steve’s tongue lapped lightly at the slit, tasting the small beads of precome that were starting to leak. Bucky’s curse was drowned out by Steve’s own groan. He wanted nothing more than to hear the soft sounds Bucky would make as Steve took him apart piece by piece with his mouth.  Wanted to feel the heavy weight of Bucky resting against his tongue as he swallowed him down.

Bucky couldn’t stop the desperate twitch of his hips as he was enveloped in warm, wet heat. The blonde slowly bobbed his head, his tongue running flat over the thick vein, teeth scraping gently against his frenulum, before flicking his tongue across the slit of Bucky’s dick in the most delicious way. Steve was mesmerizing to watch as he swallowed, his cheeks hollowing out every time Bucky hit the back of his throat. The man apparently had no gag reflex to speak of.

“Hnghh, Steve.” Bucky grunted as he tightened his fingers in Steve’s hair. He could feel his balls tightening as the blond took him deeper and deeper and at this rate there was no way he would be able to hang on for much longer. “Stevie wait, please.”

Steve pulled back immediately, looking up at him with concern. “I’m sorry.”

Bucky shook his head. Steve’s lips were dark red, swollen and slick. His cheeks were flushed and his normally tidy blond hair was disheveled from Bucky’s grip. Still in his suit while Bucky lay naked before him, Steve looked like the very definition of sin.

“God no.” Bucky tugged gently on his tie until Steve got the message and crawled up so that they were face to face. Unable to resist, Bucky lurched forward to lick his way in to Steve’s mouth, letting out a low moan. He could taste himself on Steve’s lips and the combination of flavors was heady. “You’re incredible; fucking born to suck cock Rogers. I just don’t want to come before I get you inside of me.”

Steve leaned back, his blue eyes sharp as he looked at Bucky with concern. While sex was nothing new to them, Steve had always more than happily been the one to bottom. After the first night where Bucky had panicked they hadn’t brought up the idea of changing their routine. “Are you sure Buck?”

The concern and emotion in Steve’s voice was too much and Bucky arched up, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of the blonde’s mouth. He had been hesitant to take this step, before it had reminded him of Brock and sent him in to a panic at the mere thought of having someone else inside of him. But now, with Steve looking at him like he was the only person in the world that mattered, Bucky felt safe. Steve would never hurt him.

 “Please.” His voice was barely more than a desperate whine. Steve’s pupil blew wide at the sound and Bucky couldn’t help but grind his hips forward against the thick line of Steve’s cock. “I need you inside of me Stevie.”

Steve must have found whatever sign he was looking for in Bucky’s eyes as he nodded once. Since the first time he had caught a glimpse of Bucky in those obscenely tight jeans, Steve had been plagued by dreams and fantasies of burying himself deep inside his gorgeous ass. If Bucky was sure, then who was he to argue? “As you wish.”

Bucky’s eyes lit up and desperate fingers began to make quick work of Steve’s clothes. In seconds Steve’s nicest suit was thrown haphazardly on to the floor next to Bucky’s. They let out almost identical groans of relief at the incredible feeling of skin on skin as Steve lowered himself back down over the burnet’s body. Too focused on the incredible slide of Bucky’s spit slick dick across his own, Steve missed the sound of Bucky rummaging in his bedside table until he heard the crack of a cap opening.  Bucky took Steve’s right hand in his, pouring a liberal amount of lube over his fingers. Steve shivered at the contrast of the cold liquid against his burning skin. Bucky let his legs fall open and his hips twitched eagerly.

Steve let his slick fingers circle over the tight hole, marveling at the way Bucky’s whole body shivered at the sensation. “Are you sure?”

Bucky nodded, his teeth digging in to the soft flesh of his bottom lip where he had sucked it in to his mouth. The brunet let out a throaty gasp as Steve slowly pushed his finger in to the first knuckle. “Relax for me babe,” Steve whispered, leaning forward on to his elbow to kiss and lick at Bucky’s mouth.

As he got used to the foreign feeling Bucky relaxed. As Steve steadily gave him more and more of that first finger Bucky’s body fell open, greedily seeking more until Steve’s finger was in as deep as it could go. Between Steve’s soft kisses and the way his thumb gently stroked Bucky’s perineum it wasn’t long before his hips were thrusting, eagerly trying to get Steve to move inside of him.

“God look at you Buck. You’re so beautiful like this.” Steve muttered a constant stream of praise as one finger slowly became two. Bucky keened, letting out a high pitched whine, that in any other circumstance would have been incredibly embarrassing, as Steve brushed just so against his prostate.

Steve’s chuckle was low and sent vibrations through his body, making his toes curl. “You like that babe?”

He continued to tease Bucky, his fingers barely brushing against that sweet spot as they twisted and scissored. Just when Bucky thought he was going to explode if Steve didn’t fucking touch him already Steve pushed in a third digit and crooked them forward just so.

Bucky saw stars as Steve kept up a relentless pace, his fingers thrusting fast and deep, bent at just the right angle to graze his prostate every time. The room was alive with slick sounds and the desperate moans Bucky wasn’t even aware he had been making. “Hnhhh- Stevie fuck. Please-“

Too far gone to make a coherent sentence, Bucky threw a leg around Steve’s hips and thrust forward, looking for more friction, more Steve. Thankfully Steve understood what he was trying to say. Bucky whimpered at the loss  of Steve’s fingers as Steve rocked back on to his heels and rolled a condom over his hard and leaking cock. Steve let out a moan of relief at the touch and Bucky couldn’t help but answer it with one of his own. Watching Steve stroke himself, slowly spreading more lube with his large, calloused hands was one of the hottest things Bucky had ever seen.

All too soon and not soon enough Steve leaned forward, fisting one hand in the sheets next to Bucky’s head, the other steadily lining his cock up with Bucky’s entrance. Bucky wrapped his legs around Steve’s strong waist as the blonde slowly began to push inside in one smooth motion. Once he was seated all the way inside, Steve stilled, his clean hand coming up to stroke Bucky’s cheek softly. “I love you Bucky Barnes,” he whispered, lips dipping down to press soft kisses against Bucky’s cheeks, across his eyelids, over his forehead and down to his lips.

“I love you to Steve.” Bucky felt wrecked with lust and emotion as he fought the prickle of tears that where threatening to fall again. “Now move already you big oaf.”

Bucky rolled his hips, emphasizing his point and earning a drawn out groan from Steve who slowly began to thrust. At first his movements were shallow and slow but as Bucky clawed desperately at the wide expanse of his back, Steve began to move faster and deeper, burying himself to the hilt every time. Around them the room was spinning as they drowned in each other’s body.

“Mmm Bucky, you feel so incredible,” Steve babbled. Bucky wasn’t sure the blond even knew he was talking but as long as he kept moving, Bucky didn’t care.

A low growl rumbled through Steve’s body and he leaned back to hike one of Bucky’s legs up over his shoulder. The angle change was heaven, allowing Steve to thrust deeper. A loud cry ripped itself free of Bucky’s chest as Steve’s cock slammed against his prostate. Bucky felt his balls begin to tighten as Steve pushed in to him again and again, his pace relentless as he brought Bucky closer and closer to the edge.

“Fuck, I’m so close,” Bucky warned, one hand dropping to get a handful of the blonde’s tight ass, the other fisting in Steve’s hair.

Steve nibbled and sucked at the spot below Bucky’s ear that made him weak in the knees, never letting his hips falter. “Come for me Bucky.” Steve’s voice was deep and barely above a whisper against his skin as he coaxed Bucky’s release from him. “I’ve got you, let go.”

Bucky’s orgasm washed over him in wave after wave of delicious pleasure as he shouted Steve’s name. Hot spurts of cum landed on their chests but neither man noticed or cared as Steve continued to pound in to Bucky. His hips started to falter as he chased his own climax and came with a strangled “Bucky”.

Steve breathed heavily as he carefully pulled out and rolled off to the side. Beside him, Bucky felt weightless as his body slowly came down from its high. “That was...”

“Amazing,” Steve finished, grinning ear to ear as he gently stroked Bucky’s sweaty hair off of his forehead.

They lay in a comfortable silence as their heart beats slowly returned to normal. The air was chilly against their sweat soaked bodies and Bucky grimaced when he moved and felt the now cold, sticky cum on his skin. Before he could say anything though, Steve was rolling off the bed and padding across the room to remove the soiled condom and grab a wet towel.

Steve wiped their skin down gently in turn, but when he made to get back up to take the towel back to the bathroom Bucky grabbed his arm. When Steve shot him a questioning look, Bucky grabbed the linen and tossed it unceremoniously on to the floor.

“Little punk,” Steve chastised, though his wide grin betrayed him.

“Whatever jerk.”

Bucky snuggled in to his lover’s warm embrace, resting his head over Steve’s chest and listening to the solid thump of his heart beat. Steve’s fingers ghosted patterns up Bucky’s back and down his arms, leaving a trail of goose bumps. A loud cheer rose from the ballroom below them followed by a series of loud pops.

“It must be midnight,” Bucky hummed, too content in Steve’s arms to bother getting up to look at the clock.

“Happy New Years Bucky Barnes.”

Bucky turned, propping himself up on an elbow so that he could lean down and press a kiss to Steve’s soft lips. The idea of having someone to kiss at midnight had always seemed overrated to Bucky but now, as Steve’s tongue brushed against his and strong fingers carded carefully through his hair, Bucky thought it might now be such a bad tradition after all.

“Happy New Years Steve Rogers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so satisfying to write. After everything poor Bucky has been through, I was more than happy to push Brock off a building. 
> 
> Wow there are only 5 chapters left. This is by far the longest story I've done and though it has been challenging at times, it was been a delight. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and leaving kudos and such wonderful comments. I hope this makes it up to those of y'all who said last chapter made you cry. Drop a comment and let me know what you think of this one or the story in general. They absolutely make my day.
> 
> Come talk to me about these giant losers on tumblr as well at ScienceofSociopaths.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Another chapter already? Horray!
> 
> Thanks to my new and wonderful beta AuthorOutofTime. She's super great and y'all should go check out her stuff, you know, after you read this ;).

              The sound of hot, slick skin filled the room as Bucky let out a low moan. Outside Steve’s apartment the world was blanketed in soft white, but tangled in the sheets they were oblivious to the cold.

                Leaning forward, Bucky bit and licked his way up the long arch of Steve’s neck as he slowly lowered himself down on Steve’s thick cock. “F-fuuuck,” Bucky groaned as he felt himself stretch until Steve was fully seated inside him. The feeling of being so full and so loved never failed to bring Bucky to the brink of tears as he kept his eyes locked with Steve’s baby blues.

                “Mmm Buck, you’re so beautiful.” Steve’s hand ran up and down the long planes of Bucky’s back, kneading the firm muscles and soothing any tension from his body as he adjusted.

                The burning stretch inside him faded as Bucky gave his hips an experimental rock. The men both groaned at the sudden sensation, Bucky’s hands scrambling for purchase on Steve’s chest as he rolled his hips, bringing the head of Steve’s cock to brush against his sensitive prostate.  Before long though the slow shift of his hips wasn’t enough and Steve grabbed his hips and held his partner up, his own hips pistoning off the bed and up in to the brunet.

                Bucky let his head loll back; the angle was perfect for Steve to hit his target with every thrust. Pleasure was building steadily up his spine and he began to roll his body to meet each one of Steve’s thrusts. 

              “God, look at you, you look so good riding my cock.” Bucky whimpered as an endless stream of filthy words fell from Steve’s gorgeous lips. If you had told Bucky a few months ago that Steve had a mouth on him in bed he would never have believed it. But here, with fingers digging in to the flesh of his hips and a pattern of dark hickeys dotted across his chest Bucky found that he loved it. Loved the low groans Steve made when Bucky sunk down on his cock for the first time, the quiet curses he made when Bucky nipped at his collarbone, the filthy and graphic praise that came out in a steady stream as Steve got closer and closer to the edge.

             Bucky leaned back further, resting a hand on the bed next to one of Steve’s strong thighs while his other hand wrapped around his aching cock. He could only whimper softly when Steve caught him by the wrist and pulled his hand away. “I want to see you come like this Buck.”

           Bucky let out a cry as Steve hit his prostate with a firm thrust and stilled, the glans of his cock leaking against the sensitive spot. He was so close already. When Bucky nodded desperately and tried to grind his hips down, desperate for Steve to move, for that delicious friction, Steve grinned. “Mmm, you’re so good to me babe,” he purred as his hips resumed their slow torture.

           Steve ran a calloused hand up Bucky’s chest, the pad of his thumb rubbing across the sensitive nubs, each brush perfectly timed with his thrusts. Bucky’s release hit him like a freight train and he came with a loud cry, hot spurts of cum striping Steve’s chest.  Steve groaned, his eyes locked on Bucky’s blissed out face as he followed his boyfriend over the edge with one last thrust.

          Bucky shot him a mischievous grin before dipping down to lick up a long line of cum from the blonde’s skin. Steve gasped as Bucky carefully licked up each and every spot, his dick twitching in interest, still seated deep in his boyfriend’s ass. As Bucky cleaned up the last spot of skin just above his collarbone, Steve gently pulled out, grimacing as the cold air hit his softening erection. The way Bucky licked over his lips, letting Steve taste sent his mind reeling and once again Steve found himself wishing he had some sort of super ability that could cut out their  need for a lengthy refractory period.

XXXX

        Later that evening Bucky reluctantly pulled on his jacket and scarf. He had a job interview at Tony Stark’s company in the morning and as much as he wanted to stay tangled up in Steve’s warm embrace he knew it would be best if he spent the night at home to prepare. The problem though, was that it was getting harder and harder to leave Steve’s apartment and go back to the estate. It was almost February and over the last two months Bucky had spent his time more often than not curled up in Steve’s welcoming home. Whether they were just sitting in companionable silence on the couch, making dinner with Sam, or making love it felt right. It felt like being home in a way that his parents cold and lonely house never had.

                “Be careful out there okay,” Steve said for the fifth time that night.

                Bucky rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips. The day before had brought a fresh layer of snow but the trucks had been busy all morning so the streets were salted and clear. However, it was nice to have Steve worry over him some times. “I’ll call you as soon as I get home,” Bucky promised, opening the door.

                Steve followed him down the steps and out to the small fence that separated the apartment from the sidewalk. Dressed only in a sweater, Bucky thought that the blond had to be freezing. Cold or not, Steve tugged gently on Bucky’s scarf, using it to pull his boyfriend closer.

                Warm breath ghosted over Bucky’s skin and faded into the cold air in a visible puff. Bucky put one gloved hand behind Steve’s neck and closed the final distance between them until their lips were brushing together. Steve’s lips were slightly chapped from the cold air but as they moved confidently under his own, Bucky didn’t care. Steve’s tongue brushed gently across his bottom lip, seeking permission that Bucky happily granted with a muffled groan.

                Steve’s fingers were like ice where they cupped Bucky’s cheeks when he reluctantly pulled away. “Go back inside before you get frostbite,” Bucky teased.

                Steve pulled a face at him. “Whatever you say mom.”

                Bucky smirked and took advantage of his gloves to bend down and scoop up a handful of snow, packing it tightly between his hands.

                “Don’t you dare Barnes,” Steve warned, putting his bare hands up in a futile attempt to block Bucky’s attack. The snowball smacked against his chest and Steve gasped as the snow melted and seeped through his sweater. Fuck that was cold. Two could play this game though Steve thought as he bent down to grab his own ammunition. The second his already cold skin touched the frozen ground though, Steve let out a yelp and leaped back up to blow hot air over his fingers.

                “Shit that’s cold!”

                Bucky burst out in a fit of laughter, putting a hand on the fence to steady himself as his body shook. Steve tried his best to look upset but the tilt of his lips and the twinkle in his eyes betrayed him.

                “Go inside Rogers, I’m rather attached to all of your body parts and would hate for one of them to fall off.” Bucky shot him a wink before turning to open the gate and make his way to his car. He turned to glance over his shoulder before sliding inside and saw Steve give him a small wave and a smile before heading inside. As his car purred to life Bucky let out a happy sigh. Everything was perfect; it was almost too good to be true.

XXX

                Steve flipped over the last pancake for the Barnes weekly Sunday brunch when something slammed against the counter in front of him. He jerked up and saw a newspaper being thrust in his direction. Bucky’s chest was heaving and his eyes were wide with panic. Adrenaline coursed through Steve’s body as he set the hot pan down carefully. The first thought that flew through his mind was Brock- the son a bitch must have gotten them to print something awful about Bucky and he was going to pay.

                Steve pulled the paper closer and felt his heart drop. Staring up at him was a large black and white picture of them kissing in front of Steve’s apartment, taken a few days ago. The headline screamed “Winter Lovers? Is there another Barnes scandal in the works?” The print swam and the words blurred together as Steve’s mind raced.

                “Okay well, this isn’t great,” Steve said finally, looking up at Bucky who just blanched and stared at him like that was the understatement of the century.

Bucky’s parents knew that he was bisexual but had done their best to ignore it, pressuring Bucky from a young age to find the right girl from the right family to settle down with. The heir to the Barnes family business and fortune had to be acceptable to the ignorant and conservative upper class society members that his parents surrounded themselves with.

                Steve hurried around the island to place a steadying hand on Bucky’s bicep. “I know this isn’t how we planned it, but they had to find out at some point right?”

                Bucky shook his head furiously. “No- yes- I don’t know. Couldn’t they just have kept ignoring me until they died? They’re going to kill me for being in the paper again.” Bucky’s hands were shaking where they rested against Steve’s shoulders and he wanted nothing more than to run.

                A soft cough from the doorway interrupted them. Peggy was watching them with an apologetic look on her face. “I’m sorry to interrupt but James, your parents are insisting on speaking with you.”

                Steve moved to take Bucky’s hand and lead him over to the door but Peggy held up a hand. “I’m sorry Steve.” Her voice was soft and if Steve didn’t know better he would have thought he heard it crack. “They want to speak to him alone.”

                Bucky nodded, his back straightening as he pulled free of Steve’s embrace. As he walked across the room he looked like a man on the way to his own execution. The dining room was right next door so Steve could hear snippets of conversation as it steadily rose in volume. Whatever was happening in that room, it wasn’t good.

XXXX

                Bucky slumped in to the empty chair that was clearly waiting for him across from his parents. His mother’s brow was furrowed and she looked more disappointed in him than she ever had before. Mr. Barnes sat, flipping through the paper as though nothing particularly important was happening. Not surprising, Bucky thought, grinding his teeth together to keep his frustration from exploding. His mother had always had the run of the household, Bucky’s father agreed with everything she wanted and it made him sick.

                “What do you have to say for yourself James?” His mother’s voice was low and sharp, her eyes piercing as they ruthlessly inspected every inch of him.

                For a moment the only sound in the room was the soft clink of Mrs. Barnes coffee cup when she set it down daintily on the matching saucer and the steady pounding of Bucky’s heart as it threatened to beat out of his chest. Bucky considered his options. He could play dumb, but that had never gotten him far with them. Being defensive only made his mother angry. The only choice left was to be honest with them about how much Steve meant to him.

                “I’m sorry we got caught,” Bucky whispered. Wrong choice.

                His mothers frown got impossibly deeper and Bucky was briefly concerned that one day it really would freeze like that. “Young man, I don’t know what you think you are doing with that….boy but it stops now. You have been back under our roof for over six months now and these games have gone on long enough. I stood by when you stayed out all night and brought home girl after girl. I even let the occasional,” she grimaced, “boy slide because I thought it might help you. Enough is enough.”

                Bucky felt his jaw drop in shock. His mother had never been so blatantly disapproving of his sexuality before and suddenly he felt fifteen years old again, coming out to them with his heart in his throat and sweaty palms. “What exactly are you trying to say?”

                “It’s time that you settled down. Jennifer Joyce is available and her father has agreed to sell his company to me once the two of you are married.”

                “Are you fucking serious?” Bucky blurted, his voice rising in disbelief.

                “Young man, do not talk to me like that. She is a lovely young girl and will do wonders for your dismal public image. “

                Bucky’s fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, his head spinning. Did they seriously expect him to marry some woman he’s never met? “I don’t care what my public image is,” he spat.

                Mr. Barnes let out a loud sigh before turning the page in his paper as he anticipated his wife’s retort. “That stunt you pulled last year was all over the paper for weeks. It was a disgrace to this family and you should be doing everything you can to remedy the situation, not running around with some _cook_. At least Brock was someone of status; his connections could have gotten you and this family places.”

                “I love him,” Bucky whispered, feeling vulnerable and defeated under his mother’s sharp gaze.

                She pursed her lips and tossed hair over her shoulder. “Don’t be absurd. You will marry Jennifer or you will be out on the streets. I did not raise a lowly queer, I raised a Barnes.” Apparently finished, she pushed her chair back and stood gracefully. “He may continue working here as long as it does not interfere with his work. In fact please inform him of your engagement party in three weeks. I think those macarons he made for Secretary Pierce would be an appropriate dessert.”

                Bucky sunk farther down in to his chair, his stomach churning with nausea and his legs shaking too hard to stand. Putting down the paper at last Bucky’s father stood and fixed him with a withering stare. “She’s serious son. She’s already called the lawyers and they’re rewriting the will. End it with the cook or don’t come home tonight.”

                As his father swept from the room Bucky lurched forward, his head falling between his knees as he retched. His ears filled with roaring and slowly the voice of his mother got deeper until it was Brock’s voice he heard echoing in his head. _Fucking queer. Who would love you? Only good thing about you is your mommy’s money. You didn’t think anyone would actually love you did you?_ Bucky jumped when a hand brushed against his back, rubbing soothing circles to ease him through the nausea. The touch was light and he could tell the hand was small and delicate where it brushed sweaty hair off of his forehead. Peggy.

                “I’m so sorry,” he rasped once he realized that he had probably ruined the rug.

                “Shh.” She hummed softly.

                “Can you tell him for me?” Bucky struggled to his feet, leaning heavily on the table in front of him. His left arm was burning, phantom pains shooting from his fingers to his shoulder as a nagging voice began to whisper in his ear, reminding him of the sharp pocket knife he had stashed in his room. “I need to go lie down.”

                Unable to look back and see the look of disappointment on Peggy’s face he made his way to the back stairs, a limp falling in to his step for the first time since he had left the hospital.

XXX

                Peggy’s gentle words had burned a hole in Steve’s heart. She had sent him home with a hug and a gentle reminder to call Bucky tomorrow to talk.  As he rode through the streets he flipped back and forth between rage and an almost soul crushing mix of depression and betrayal as Peggy’s words ran through his head like a broken record he couldn’t turn off.

                _“I’m sorry Steve. He’s scared.”_

_“He’s never known anything else.”_

                Steve drove past the turn for his apartment, unable to stomach the thought of explaining what had happened to Sam when he didn’t even understand it himself. Bucky needed some time and space, Peggy had explained. Family obligations had arisen and he was unable to see Steve right now. What hurt the most, even more than being broken up with was the fact that Bucky hadn’t had the guts to do it himself.

_“They’ve been controlling his decisions his whole life and after Brock, they’ve convinced him it’s in his best interest.”_

_“He loves you, just give him time.”_

                An hour later Steve found himself sitting in a small park along the Potomac, large chunks of ice drifted slowly past him and a small flock of geese flew overhead. He stared at the phone in his hands and the picture of Bucky that was set as his background. Any other time it would have been peaceful, but now as he sat looking at the picture he had never felt more alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I promise it will be okay. Stick with me because I'll make it up to Steve and Bucky I swear. Poor thing has just faced so much trauma in his life at the hands of other and his parents that he doesn't know how to stand up to them....yet.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and sticking with me through all of this. I absolutely adore each and every comment and kudo. 
> 
> Come chat with me about these giant losers on Tumblr at ScienceofSociopaths and hopefully I'll see you soon! 4 more chapters to go!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 Chapters in 3 days? Really. Wow. Y'all can all go thank AuthorOutofTime for beta-ing each chapter like 2 seconds after I send it to her, seriously she's the best.
> 
> *throws a pile of puppies and kittens at you and runs*

             Two weeks is all it took before the hole in Steve’s heart threatened to swallow him whole. Every morning he woke up, forgetting for just a moment in the haze of dawn that his bed was empty and cold beside him. Every day he went to work hoping to catch a glimpse of chestnut brown hair or the deep rumble of Bucky’s laugh. Every night he went home disappointed. Bucky never came through the kitchen anymore and when Steve caught sight of him he was never alone. _That girl_ always sat by his side and his mother was constantly around, cooing over the new couple. What Steve didn’t see was the way Bucky’s eyes never strayed from him as he watched the Chef’s every move, drinking in each glance desperately.

            Being asked to plan Bucky’s engagement party to _her_ had been the last straw. Peggy’s voice had been soft and he could see the pain in her eyes when she handed him a copy of the invitation. The soft white paper, trimmed in delicate lace mocked him where it sat, a painful reminder of how naïve he had been every time he saw it on his dresser. Had he really thought that someone like him could make it work with a Barnes? He wrote a quick letter of resignation and was out the door in minutes, riding away from the Barnes estate for the last time. If a few tears fell as he drove, well he could blame it on the sting of the wind in his face.

           Like clockwork Natasha had called him the next morning. Apparently she was looking for a new Executive Chef for the Red Room and Peggy had offered up Steve’s number instantly. As much as a part of him longed to lie around his apartment and mope, Steve had jumped at the opportunity, volunteering to come in as early as Natasha needed him for an interview. Now, with three empty hours before his first shift, Steve hated the silence. It felt like just yesterday these rooms had been full of laughter and life, but now with Sam at work it was oppressive.

               Steve let out a final huff of frustration and grabbed his jacket. He wasn’t going to sit around and feel sorry for himself anymore. Maybe a drive would help clear his head.

XXX

               “James are you listening?”

                Bucky blinked, his head jerking up in surprise as he was torn away from his thoughts, from Steve. “No.”

                Jennifer sighed heavily across from, mounds of magazine clippings and dress pictures scattered across the mahogany between them. Bucky had been a silent and unwilling participant in the planning process, letting his mother once again pick out what was best for him.

                Every day dragged on, the dark void in his mind slowly creeping up on him until he was no longer sure which way was up. A soft hand rested on his shoulder; Peggy.

                “Excuse me Mrs. Barnes, but the tailor is on the phone, he would like me to re-measure James. It seems as though he miswrote the measurement for the inseam.”

                His mother nodded curtly and Bucky was out of his chair in a flash, hurrying after Peggy before his mother’s tirade could truly begin. “Honestly, I don’t know what I pay these people for. This is an absolute disgrace. If this tailor thinks he will ever work in this town again-“ Even the tedious process of having someone awkwardly measure every inch of his skin was like a beacon of hope.

                The heavy door to Peggy’s office closed with a small click behind him and Bucky let out his first real breath in days. Her gaze was heavy as she carefully studied every inch of him, no doubt looking for any marks that hadn’t been there the day before. Her concern was touching, if not a bit uncomfortable.

                “So do you need me to take my pants off or…” Bucky trailed off, gesturing awkwardly at his belt. He was in no rush to finish but no doubt Jennifer would be knocking on the door in minutes, sent by his mother to see what was taking him so long.

                Peggy’s eyes widened in surprise, her graceful brow furrowing before she caught on. “Oh God no, keep your pants on Bucky. I just needed to get you out of there for a second.”

                Bucky felt like he was flying and he collapsed back into one of her plush armchairs in relief. He should have known that he could trust his friend to be there for him. “Thank fuck,” he breathed, reaching for a tumbler and the bottle of Scotch he knew she kept hidden in the second cabinet on the left. “I feel like I’m gonna go mad in there, you want some? Better tell me now because I might chug this whole damn bottle in the next few minutes.”

                Expecting to see her easy smile, Bucky glanced up from his glass. The amber liquid burned in his throat but already he could feel his body begin to relax. The frown that pulled at her lips was worrying. This wasn’t just a break from his mother was it?

                He let out a heavy sigh; nothing could ever be simple could it? “What’s wrong Pegs?”

                “It’s Steve,” she began, staring pointedly at the wall behind him, unable to meet his gaze. Bucky felt his stomach drop as panic and questions began to race through his mind. “He’s leaving, Bucky.”

                Bucky shook his head. No, Steve couldn’t leave. The only thing keeping him together was watching Steve carry groceries in to the house from the window in the library. The only reason he ate anymore was the knowledge that Steve had knowingly prepared it for him. “He can’t leave,” he whispered, voice breaking as it struggled over the words.

                In the quiet room, Bucky was pretty sure he could hear Peggy’s heart breaking for him and that just made it so much worse. “He’s writing his letter of resignation now. I expect he’ll be done and out the door at any second.”

                The words ran through his head and before Bucky had thought it through he was out of the chair and reaching for the door. Peggy called after him but her voice fell on deaf ears as he ran through the halls, pushing past his mother and supposed fiancé to get to the kitchen.

                His heart pounded in his throat as he surveyed the empty room. The counters were bare save for a single sheet of paper. Bucky picked it up with shaking hands but before he got a chance to read the first line he heard the sound of Steve’s bike rumbling to life. Crumbling the note in his fist, Bucky sped out through the garden to the side yard in time to watch the love of his life pull out on to the street and drive away for the last time.

XXX

                Steve’s new life fell in to an easy pattern. He spent six days a week at the restaurant, spending ten hours a day bent over a hot stove or an order log. His line cooks were top notch and the routine was comforting. The hours before his shift started each afternoon were long and Steve found himself more often than not lurking around Sam’s office at the VA, helping set up for group meetings and talking to some of the veterans about his own experiences. It was easy, almost normal even.

_“Is the Future Mrs. Barnes Sporting a Baby Bump?”_

                The headline screamed at Steve as he flipped idly through the paper outside Sam’s office two weeks later.  He was starting to get back to normal, really he was but surprises like this always sent his world reeling.

                “It’s only been four weeks,” he hissed through tightly clenched teeth. The fragile newspaper tore as his hands began to shake. Gossip and rumors made up to fill space. That’s all this was. It had to be.

XXXX

 Bucky’s phone buzzed to life in his pocket, a welcome distraction from the piles of tulle and silk around him.

                ‘He’s fine, I promise. It’s you I’m worried about…’ Natasha had been his life line to the outside world for the past month, somehow always finding the time to respond to his endless queries about Steve.

                ‘I’ll be fine, I just miss him’ Bucky tapped out, hitting send before he glanced up to meet his mothers harsh glare.

                “Doesn’t she just look radiant?” His mother’s voice left no room for argument as Jennifer twirled in front of him.

                “You look great.” Bucky’s smile was forced and he couldn’t help feeling guilty for keeping up this charade. It wasn’t fair to him or Jennifer; they both deserved the chance to find someone they truly loved. Unlike him though, she didn’t seem to mind. Her life hadn’t been ripped away from her.

                Shifting uncomfortably, Bucky tried to ignore the pain shooting up his arm as Natasha’s reply lit up the screen. His heart skipped a beat as he snuck a peek at her message. Staring up at him was a picture of Steve, awkwardly taken from between pots and pans that hung from the ceiling but it was the most beautiful thing he had seen in a month.

                Wayward locks of golden hair stuck to his forehead, no doubt sweaty from the heat produced by the stoves behind him. His hand was gripping a knife, poised mid air above a handful of herbs, as he turned his attention to something or someone off screen. Steve’s smile was radiant but even on a small screen Bucky could see that it never quite reached his eyes. Even as isolated as he was, Bucky felt his heart swell and his stomach lurch as his surely unrequited affection threatened to overwhelm him.

                Glancing up, Bucky knew it was over. Jennifer’s full dress was too white, too poufy, too _real_. He had been a silent passenger to his life for too long, sitting on the sidelines while is mother called the shots. He had to do something; it was time to make a change.

XXX

                “You sure you don’t want to come out with us?”

                Steve smiled softly at his roommate, watching as Sam pulled on his favorite sport coat and tucked an umbrella under his arm. “I’m not going to tag along on your date Sam. Go, have a nice time with Sharon. Give her my love.”

                Sam gave him a small nod, no doubt his counselor trained eyes seeing straight through Steve’s façade. “Alright then.” His face broke out into the wide grin Steve knew and loved as he winked dramatically. “Don’t wait up ma.” Steve let out a small bark of laughter and shook his head as the door clicked shut softly behind Sam.

                Sam had been dating Sharon Carter for a few months now. Peggy had introduced Sam to her cousin after his help at Thanksgiving and they had had gone on their first date around the same time he had started seeing Bucky. Steve was happy for the pair, he really was but the petty part of him had a hard time watching his friends be happy and in love. Time was supposed to heal all wounds but even now it hurt too much to think about Bucky.

Alone, the heavy sound of rain was comforting as it continued to pour. His kettle let out a quiet whistle and Steve hummed softly as he poured the steaming water over his teabag. As he walked across the room to perch on the couch, his phone felt heavy in his pocket, its mere presence demanding that he pick it up and call the number he hadn’t been able to delete. He sighed, setting it out of reach on the end table before flicking on the television. Maybe he could find a movie that would take his mind off his love life, or lack thereof, for a few hours.

XXX

                A little over halfway through Casablanca, Steve couldn’t help the tears that were slowly rolling down his cheeks. He should have read a summary of this movie before starting it. Fuck. Before he could reach for a tissue a loud knock echoed through the apartment. A glance at the clock told him it was just before nine, too late for anyone he knew. Not in the mood to politely turn down a door to door salesman who was just trying to do his job, Steve ignored it, turning his focus instead back to the movie.

                The knocking came again a few minutes later, this time louder. Someone was clearly determined for an answer. Steve let out a heavy sigh and pushed himself off the couch which was too comfortable for its own good.

                Standing at the door, Steve took a second to glance in the mirror that hung in the entryway. Suddenly glad he’d taken the time, he wiped his eyes hastily with the back of his hand. As a grown man he wasn’t ashamed to cry but he didn’t really enjoy the idea of doing it in front of strangers. He looked as presentable as he was going to though, dressed in sweatpants and crying over movies he thought with a shrug, clicking open the lock as whoever was at the door began to knock again, the sound almost drowned out by a heavy crack of thunder.

                Cracking open the door to see who was so eager in such a storm Steve felt frozen. Standing on his porch, hair dripping in his eyes, clothes soaked and sticking to his skin as torrents of water fell around him stood the very last person Steve expected to see.

                “Bucky?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with me through all the ups and downs. Three more chapters to go! Shit is getting real. 
> 
> Thanks and love to everyone who has left such beautiful comments in the light of all the pain. They seriously make my day and I love hearing feedback. 
> 
> As always feel free to come hang out with me on tumblr at ScienceofSociopaths to talk about these big gay babies and watch me cry about writing them.


	18. Chapter 18

_Cracking open the door to see who was so eager in such a storm Steve felt frozen. Standing on his porch, hair dripping in his eyes, clothes soaked and sticking to his skin as torrents of water fell around him stood the very last person Steve expected to see._

_“Bucky?”_

                Steve’s hand shook as he pulled the door open, hardly believing his eyes. Surely he’d fallen asleep on the couch and he was dreaming. A harsh gust blew a sheet of rain under the small amount of cover the porch provided, drenching Bucky further and spraying Steve. The cold water shook him out of his stupor; Bucky was standing there in front of him, drenched to the bone in the pouring rain. This was real, Steve thought, but it still didn’t explain why he had shown up out of the blue so late at night.

                “Bucky, what are you doing here?”

                Bucky was staring resolutely at a spot a few inches in front of his shoes, hands stuffed in his pockets and shoulders crumpled inwards as if he expected to be yelled at and kicked off Steve’s property any second. “I’m sorry,” his voice was raspy as he whispered as if he had been yelling for most of the day. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now.”

                The words were like a knife to the gut and Steve let out a dejected sigh. The worst part was that Bucky was right, Steve knew he should be furious, should demand Bucky leave before he could say anything else to break his heart, but he just didn’t have it in him anymore. He was hurt and more than a little confused after the way things had ended and Steve couldn’t help but hope Bucky would share some insight. “No, it’s fine,” he said finally. “Do you want to come inside? It’s a mess out here.”

                Some of the tension in Bucky’s body seemed to drain away at his words but the other man didn’t move beyond the firm shake of his head. “No I- I need to say something to you and it’ll be easier if I just do it out here. If I come inside you’ll feel obligated to be nice,” his voice cracked slightly, the corner of his mouth tugging up.

                Steve opened his mouth to reply, to insist that Bucky come in where it was warm and dry but the other man beat him to it, blurting out “I’m sorry!”

                “I’m so sorry Stevie. I never wanted any of this to happen. I was a coward but more than anything I was so, so wrong.” Steve watched heavy droplets roll down Bucky’s cheeks as he spoke, tears mingling with the rain. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, hell I don’t even expect you to ever talk to me again but I have to explain.”

                The more Bucky spoke the more Steve felt his carefully built resolve begin to crumble. “I’m not sure how much Peggy told you, she hasn’t been overly thrilled with me lately, but who could blame her.” He let out a small huff, running a hand through his wet hair and pushing it back out of his eyes. 

Soaking wet and shivering, Bucky looked small and vulnerable in a way Steve had never seen, not even on his worst nights when he woke up screaming in terror. “Look, Buck,” he interrupted, frowning when Bucky winced slightly at the nickname. “I’m freezing out here, please come inside and dry off, if not for your sake then do it for me.”

He watched carefully as Bucky thought over his offer before giving a small nod. Letting out a small sigh of relief Steve stepped aside, letting Bucky slip past him before closing the door against the storm.

                Though he was no stranger to the apartment Bucky stood awkwardly to the side of the entryway, as if unsure whether or not he was allowed to step farther inside. Puddles began to pool at his feet as his clothes dripped on to the wooden floor. Steve swept past him, moving in to the laundry room and coming back with an armful of towels.

                “Dry off before you catch something,” Steve offered. Bucky stayed frozen in place. Before, they had been like two halves of the same whole, to see Bucky so uneasy around him made Steve sick. “Come on Buck, you’ll ruin the floors, kick off your boots and go dry off. I’ll find you something warm to wear.”

                The threat of property damage was enough to spur Bucky in to motion. He took the towels, silently toeing off his boots and making his way down the hall to the bathroom, leaving wet footprints in his wake. Steve sighed, dropping an extra towel on to the floor to soak up the puddles before setting Bucky’s boots on top and heading upstairs to his room.

                Grateful for the chance to be alone and collect his thoughts, Steve returned a few minutes later with a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt for Bucky to wear. They were probably too big for the other man but it was all he had. “Buck, can I come in?” Steve knocked gently on the door, waiting a minute before taking the silence as an invitation.

                Bucky’s clothes were piled in a soaked mound in the sink, a soft towel wrapped around his waist as he ran a second one over his hair. Steve felt his breath catch in his throat and his heart threatened to skip a few beats. He couldn’t help but stare at the gorgeous man in front of him; after all he was only human.

                The past month hadn’t been kind to Bucky, if his outward appearance was anything to go by. The brunet had always been more lean than bulky, but now his previously defined muscles had softened and his skin pulled gauntly across his hip bones. The long scar that ran up his left arm was familiar but the new pink skin and scabbed lines next to it were new. Oh Bucky, what did you do, Steve thought as his stomach dropped.

                “I uh, brought you some clothes. They might be a little big for you and I can probably wade through Sam’s stuff if you want. He might have something a little smaller since he’s a few inches shorter than me, but you know that.” Steve shut his mouth with a click, he was babbling. “Anyway I’m gonna go make some tea while you-uh, get dressed and all. You want some? I’ll make you some.”

                Before Bucky could respond Steve was out of the bathroom, pulling the door tightly shut behind him and letting out a deep breath. As per usual with Bucky, Steve felt like he was in way over his head.

XXX

                Steve stood over the stove, watching the kettle come to a boil and steam escape in to the cool air. He was too lost in thought to hear Bucky’s soft footsteps, completely unaware of his presence until the other man cleared his throat.

                He had been right; his clothes were way too big to Bucky. The pants hung low on Bucky’s hips, the drawstring tied in a tight bow and extra fabric pooling at his feet. The shirt fit better but not by much. The soft grey fabric had a faded logo from his culinary school and despite it being too large, Bucky looked incredible in it. Everything in Steve’s life was unfair, wasn’t it?

                Taking out two mugs, Steve offered up the different types of tea he had as a way to distract himself.  “I’ll just have whatever you’re drinking,” Bucky responded with a small smile. “Thanks.”

                As the bags steeped Steve found he couldn’t hold his tongue any longer. He had to know what was going on here. “Bucky, what happened?”

                Bucky let out a withering sigh before launching in to the whole story, playing idly with his tea bag as he spoke. He told Steve about how his parents had always drilled it in to his head growing up that he was going to be responsible for following in one of their footsteps. Since being a lawyer had always sounded much worse than working for his mother’s business Bucky had been slowly groomed. From the time he could write, he was taken to board meetings, taking notes for his mother to quiz him over later.

                At the age of twelve Bucky had figured out he was bisexual but it hadn’t mattered until one day he met Tim. Tim ‘Dum Dum’ Dugan had been Bucky’s first kiss and first real boyfriend. When he turned fifteen, Bucky had come out to his parents, expecting them to be happy for the young couple. They had brushed off the situation as a phase Bucky was going through and promptly introduced him to the young lady he would be escorting at that years Debutant Ball.

                His younger sister Becca had been his lifeline when things got hard and stood up for him when Bucky tried to explain his dream of going to school for music instead of applying to Harvard. She had always had it easier than him, being the second child, and a girl, in a prominent family with out of date morals meant she wasn’t expected to be the next heir to the family fortune like Bucky was. He never resented her for it; he never wanted his baby sister to go through the things he’d been put through.

                Steve nodded along, trying his best to understand as Bucky spilled his life story and secrets. Apparently Bucky had begun struggling with the lack of control in his life in his teenage years and began to act out on it while he was away at college, spending his nights out late, drinking, dancing and sleeping with whoever he could find that night. Then Brock had come along and turned his world upside down. After that nightmare, his parents had convinced him that that was what he deserved for not trusting their judgment. What more could Bucky expect when he went against his parents’ wishes?

                His stomach churned uneasily as he listened, but Steve was slowly starting to understand what might have pushed Bucky to react how he had. Upon finding out about their relationship Bucky’s parents had insisted he leave Steve and finally settle down like he was supposed to. He didn’t want another incident like Brock did he? Panic had mixed with lingering trauma and a longstanding sense of duty, creating a deadly cocktail of emotions that had basically shut Bucky down for the month.

                “I’m so incredibly sorry Stevie, I never should have listened to them,” Bucky sobbed, his shoulder shaking under the weight of his emotions and the stress that was no doubt weighing him down.

                Steve sat down his mug and hurried across the room to wrap a protective arm around his friend’s shoulders. It was hard to stay mad in the light of everything Bucky had revealed. Well, he should say it was hard to stay mad at Bucky. His blood was boiling with rage for what Mrs. Barnes had done to her son over the years. “Shh, it’s okay Buck.” Steve carded his fingers through Bucky’s damp hair, massaging gently at his scalp in the way he knew the other man loved.

                “No Steve, it’s not. I lost the only thing I ever cared about.”

                It was all too much and Steve felt the last pieces of his walls shatter at Bucky’ broken words. Steve knew he had never stopped loving Bucky, but never before had it been so apparent. “It’s okay Bucky, I’m here. I’ve got you,” he hummed, rubbing a hand down Bucky’s arm, forgetting about the marks he had seen there earlier.

                When Bucky hissed slightly, his arm flinching under the pressure, Steve pulled away, tears prickling in his eyes. “Oh Buck, what did you do?”

                Bucky tried to wrench his arm away but Steve’ grip was firm as he trailed a finger lightly over the now crisscrossed lines. “I just hate her so much.” Bucky’s voice was broken, his green eyes glistening with new tears as they pleaded with Steve to understand. “I still love you Steve. I know I don’t have the right to anymore, but I love you.”

                The words went straight to Steve’s head, singing through his entire body. Suddenly, he couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn’t stay away. He cupped Bucky’s cheeks, thumbs gently brushing away tears as he closed the remaining distance between them. “I love you too Buck,” he whispered, lips brushing against Bucky’s as he spoke. “Even if you are an idiot.”

                Bucky let out a strangled sound, something between a laugh and a sob, before crashing their lips together in a desperate kiss. Steve’s lips were rough and chapped against his own and he could taste salt from their tears but none of that mattered. He was here, with Steve’s hand on his face, and lips against his and it was perfect.

                Bucky licked desperately at Steve’s lips, earning a needy growl as the other man eagerly allowed him access. Steve’s hands dropped away, wrapping tightly around Bucky’s waist before lifting him up to sit on the counter. Their height was almost equal and Bucky took advantage of the angle to run his tongue against the roof of Steve’s mouth, the whimper he got in return sending shivers of arousal straight to his groin. As if they had a mind of their own, Bucky’s leg wrapped tightly around Steve’ waist as he threw his arms around Steve’s neck, pulling the blond in as close as possible.

                “Bucky, wait,” Steve gasped, breaking apart.

                Bucky looked up at him through hooded lids, his dark lashes clumped from crying and his eyes lined in red. He looked so confused and worried that Steve had changed his mind that it was all Steve could do to refrain from kissing him again. “I knew this was too good to be true,” Bucky mumbled, his thumb idly rubbing at the spot where Steve’s t-shirt met skin.

                “I just need to know something,” Steve started. As much as he wanted Bucky back in his life, he had to know that it was real, that Bucky wasn’t just trying to hide from his new life for a few hours before leaving again. “Is it over with her?”

                Bucky snorted quietly, as if to suggest that it had never really be on to begin with. “Yeah, I told Jennifer this morning. She understands. It was never anything real between us anyways. I uh, tried telling my mom but she wouldn’t listen so I just- kind of stormed out.”

                Steve felt his stomach drop in dread, Bucky’s mother clearly held more sway over her son than either of them liked. “Are you going to tell them?”

                Bucky chewed nervously on his bottom lip, but nodded immediately. “Yes. I’m done letting them decide anything for me. I’m supposed to have a family dinner with Jennifer’s family and mine next Wednesday; we decided it would be best to break the news to them then, all at once. Would you uh- would you be willing to come with me?”

                “Of course, I’ll be there if you need. Anything for a friend.”

                “How about as something more than a friend?” Bucky refused to meet Steve’s eyes, chewing even more on his abused lip.

                “As something more,” Steve agreed softly, tilting Bucky’s head back so that he could look him in the eye.

                Bucky’s face lit up in surprise and Steve immediately dove back in, crashing their mouths together. He knew that whatever happened next wasn’t going to be easy, but as long as they stuck together they’d be able to make it.

                Steve licked at Bucky’s abused lower lip, running his hands down the brunet’s back and earning a soft hum of pleasure. He wrapped one arm tightly around Bucky’s shoulders as the other trailed further south, kneading softly at the firm muscle of Bucky’s ass before lifting him off the counter entirely. Bucky let out a gasp, breaking away momentarily from the kiss to wrap his legs more securely around Steve’s waist.

                Not wanting to block the other man’s view, Bucky turned his head to kiss and lick up the smooth skin of Steve’s neck, nipping at his earlobe. “I missed you so much baby,” he groaned, lips teasing against Steve’s ear as he spoke. “I’m so sorry, I love you so much Steve.”

                Steve groaned, wrapping his arms tighter around the man in his arms as he tried desperately to concentrate on walking without tripping over his feet. It was easier said than done, with Bucky muttering continuously in his ear, his fingers trailing teasing patterns across Steve’s skin. “Never touched her,” Bucky promised as Steve turned the corner to begin climbing the stairs. “I could only ever think about you. Lay awake in my bed every night wondering what you were doing, thinking about how your hands would feel on my dick instead of my own.”

                A whimper escaped Steve’s throat as Bucky began to shift against him. Each stair he climbed provided delicious friction and he could feel the outline of Bucky’s cock hardening against him. “I need you so bad Buck,” he panted, climbing the final step and slamming Bucky against the door to his room.

                Bucky groaned, arching his back against the door as Steve began to attack his neck. “I’m all yours,” he promised.

 Steve took advantage of the extra support the door provided to spare the hand that had been cupping Bucky’s ass to jimmy the handle open. As the door clicked open they fell in to the dark room and in a few long strides Steve was across the room, lowering Bucky down on the bed so that they never had to part.

Bucky’s lips crashed back against his, tongue sliding against Steve’s as he explored every inch of skin. For a moment they were content to kiss passionately on the bed, rediscovering the taste, the feel of the other’s mouth, but before long it wasn’t enough. They had been apart for too long and Bucky needed to have Steve inside him, now.

Arching back, so his cock pushed against Steve’s lower abdomen, Bucky began to pull at his shirt. Steve was more than willing to oblige, pulling back so that he was standing and making quick work of his shirt. The fabric fell to the floor, followed quickly by his sweat pants and underwear. Bucky squirmed against the mattress, never taking his eyes off Steve as he removed his own borrowed clothes.

For a moment Steve just stood there, unable to tear his eyes of the beautiful man below him. Bucky’s now dry hair was fanned around him on the mattress. His lips were swollen and red from Steve’s kisses and his chest was flushed with arousal under a thin sprinkling of dark hair. His knees were bent, legs spread wantonly and drawing attention to his cock which lay swollen and leaking against his pelvis. He was incredible, down to the very last hair that curled around his base.

“See something you like,” Bucky sassed, his lips curving in to a crooked smirk.

“I missed you Bucky,” Steve whispered, suddenly over come with the truth of it. How he’d made it the last month without this, without this gorgeous man, he had no idea.

Bucky’s smirk softened. “Well then come here, because I’m with you until the end of the line pal.”

Trying not to tear up again, Steve knelt back on to the mattress, crawling his way up his lover’s body, kissing at every inch of skin. He knew Bucky had problems, and that occasionally he took them out on his body and Steve needed him to know that he was perfect, despite his flaws and imperfections. Despite his insecurities and scars.

By the time he had kissed up Bucky’s chest, teeth scraping over his collar bone before sucking dark marks up his neck, the other man was panting desperately. Steve nuzzled at the sensitive skin just below his jaw before pressing their lips together. “Come on Steve, please,” Bucky moaned, one leg wrapping tightly around Steve’s waist while the other flopped open against the mattress.

“Tell me what you want Buck.” Steve’s voice was husky as he continued pressing kisses across Bucky’s cheekbones to his temple and over to lick at the shell of his ear.

Bucky’s whine was high and needy as his hips thrust upwards of their own volition, seeking some sort of contact. “Please-“

“I need to hear you say it,” Steve growled, rolling his hips down so that his cock brushed against Bucky’s. The friction was delicious and Steve had to fight the urge to say to hell with it and grind against the other man until they came, exploding against each other.

“Steve please fuck me,” Bucky gasped, his back arching off the bed when Steve rolled his hips a second time as he bit down on the junction of Bucky’s neck and shoulder. “I need you inside me.”

Not needing to be told twice, Steve rolled off to the side to rummage through his drawer, fingers closing around the bottle of lube and a condom. In seconds he was back, licking a flat stripe across the hardened nub of Bucky’s nipple. He took one in to his mouth, sucking gently as he ran a slick finger around Bucky’s tight hole.

Bucky’s groans were intoxicating as Steve slowly pushed his finger in deeper and deeper, pausing once it was seated inside. “Shh, I’ve got you,” Steve hummed; moving over to lavish attention of Bucky’s other nipple. When the cool air hit his now wet skin Bucky cursed, his muscles clenching momentarily around Steve’s finger.

“Mmm, fuck,” Bucky gasped as Steve began to slowly draw his finger out before pushing it back in at the same torturously slow pace.

“God, look at you,” Steve praised, slipping a second finger in with the first. Bucky writhed against the bed, his feet scrambling for purchase against the slick sheets as he tried to push back against Steve’s hand. Steve couldn’t help but watch his digits slip in and out of his lover’s body. It was a mesmerizing sight, only made better by the soft keens coming from Bucky’s throat. “So beautiful.”

Bucky felt a tear roll down his cheek, Steve’s constant praise making him emotional after such a stressful day. He let out a soft whimper of pleasure when the fingers brushed against his prostate a Steve carefully added a third. “Please Steve,” he whined, voice wrecked.

“Shh, just a little more baby. I don’t want to hurt you.” Steve lowered himself back down to press a kiss against Bucky’s lips, drinking in the eager sound he made. “I’m gonna make it so good for you Buck.”

Bucky nodded, sucking his lower lip between his teeth as Steve opened him up at an agonizingly slow pace. Steve’s fingers brushed against his prostate with every other thrust and Bucky could feel his stomach tighten with arousal. If Steve didn’t hurry up Bucky was going to shoot his load like this. “Please, Stevie. ‘M ready.”

Steve stretched his fingers apart, a crease forming in his brow as if he was unsure. The last thing he wanted to do was cause Bucky any sort of discomfort, especially not their first time together after so long. Bucky’s thumb rubbed gently across his forehead, smoothing out the concerned wrinkles with soft smile.

Stealing another kiss, Steve pulled his fingers back, drinking in the soft groan Bucky made at the sudden loss. He licked in to Bucky’s mouth as he quickly rolled the condom down over his own aching cock. Bucky’s hand moved over his and Steve felt his eyes roll back in his head at the added pressure. He could feel Bucky smirk against his lips but it didn’t matter. Not when Bucky’s hands were on him, slicking up his cock and pressing back against the tip.

Summoning all his strength, Steve pulled away, searching Bucky’s expression for confirmation. Bucky nodded, wrapping his legs tightly high up around Steve’s waist. Once he was sure he was lined up, Steve hastily wiped his hand clean on the sheets before brushing a stray hair off Bucky’ forehead as he carefully slid inside.

                Bucky was tight, but his muscles easily allowed Steve in, pulling him deeper until wiry blond hairs brushed against Bucky’s skin. “God, Buck you feel fucking amazing,” Steve whispered, willing his body to calm down so he wouldn’t come too soon.

                His only response was a high whine before Bucky began to wiggle beneath him, his heel digging in to Steve’s ass as if telling him to move already. Never one to ignore such an invitation Steve pulled back before giving a shallow thrust. Bucky’s hands scrambled against his back, fingers digging in to his skin. His thrusts slowly became faster and deeper until he was pounding in to his lover, compliments and praise falling from his lips without filter.

                “Nnghhh, Buck you feel so fucking good…ahhh….yeah….so fucking tight.”

                Bucky whimpered, licking over the skin on Steve’s shoulder as he buried his face against him. His moans were muffled against Steve’s skin but they were still the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard. Steve snuck an arm under Bucky’s lower back, pulling his hips off the mattress and holding them partially suspended. The change in angle was perfect and Steve found himself slamming in to that sweet spot, making the man below him cry out with every thrust.

                Digging his heels in to Steve’s ass and his fingers in to the muscles of his back, Bucky silently encouraged him to go faster and harder until the only sounds in the room was the harsh slap of skin on skin and their heady moans, mingling in to one.

                “’M so close,” Bucky whimpered.

                Steve crashed their lips together, licking inside Bucky’s mouth, tongues beating against each other. Thanking whatever deity might be listening for every muscle he had, Steve reached between their tangled bodies, wrapping a hand around Bucky’s swollen cock while his arm kept his lover’s hips slamming against him in mid air.

                “Ngh- Steve.”

                Steve rested his forehead against Bucky’s, gazing in to his eyes as Bucky panted and moaned against his lips. “It’s okay baby I’ve got you.”

One smooth motion was all it took, Steve thrusting hard and deep as his thumb brushed over Bucky’s leaking slit, before Bucky came with a strangled cry. His muscles clenched and spasmed as he shot warm streaks of cum across their skin. It was all too much and Steve followed his lover over the edge moments later, his hips jerking as wave after wave of his orgasm washed over him.

Suddenly exhausted, Steve lowered Bucky back down against the bed and pulled out slowly with a soft groan before rolling over on to his back to catch his breath. “You’re incredible,” Bucky whispered, rolling on to his side and tangling their legs together.

“Yeah I know.”

“Such a little shit,” Buck grumbled, trying and failing to sound annoyed.

Steve grinned, his baby blues dancing in amusement in the dim lighting. “You love it.”

Unable to argue, Bucky leaned down to press a kiss to Steve’s swollen lips, rolling his eyes at his boyfriend’s smirk. “Yeah, yeah, whatever punk.”

“Jerk,” Steve mumbled, his fingers threading through soft brown hair, pulling Bucky closer against his chest. He pulled away with a grimace though when the now cool cum on Bucky’s skin stuck to his. Grabbing the already ruined sheet, Steve quickly wiped them both clean, carefully pulling off and tying a knot in the condom before throwing both the sheet and the rubber on to the floor. They could be dealt with tomorrow.

Bucky’s grin was soft, exhaustion apparent as he settled against Steve’s now clean chest. Wondering if his boyfriend had gotten a real night’s rest in the time they had been apart, Steve pulled the blanket that had gotten crumpled against the wall over them. Outside the storm raged on, but inside, wrapped in each other’s arm it was safe and warm.

XXX

                Steve woke the next morning to an empty bed, rolling on to his side with a frown. The rumpled sheets next to him had gone cold; suggesting Bucky had been gone for longer than it would take to simply run to the bathroom.

                Memories from the night before hit him like a ton of bricks and Steve cursed himself for being so naïve. It felt like a dream that was too good to be true and he should have known the other man would have gone crawling back to reality once it was light out. Suddenly in an incredibly foul mood, Steve pulled on his discarded pants from the night before and shuffled downstairs. If the day was going to suck, it could at least suck with coffee.

                At the bottom of the stairs Steve froze. The warm scent of fresh coffee wafted from the kitchen and he could hear the soft sound of something sizzling on the stove. Sam had said he was going to spend the night at Sharon’s apartment so that only left one other person. Trying not to get his hopes up, after all Sam could have come back early, Steve turned the corner to investigate.

                Bucky stood over the stove, his back to Steve as he hummed softly, poking at something in the pan in front of him. Steve was shocked as he padded over to the kitchen, not only was Bucky still there but he was making breakfast. Now this was really too good to be true.

                “Morning sleepy head,” Bucky beamed, turning around as he heard Steve’s footsteps.

                Bucky was dressed in his borrowed clothes and had the most adorable bed head Steve had ever seen. Bowls cluttered the counter around the stove and he could see steam rising gently from the pan. The coffee maker was full and in front of it sat a bowl of chopped fruit. Steve couldn’t help but gape as he leaned against the counter and took it all in.

                “What’s wrong?” Bucky’s grin began to falter as Steve continued to stare like he had suddenly grown an extra head.

                “You made breakfast.”

                Bucky nodded slowly, looking around at the mess on the counters. “Yeah, I uh- figured you had made me breakfast so many times that it was my turn. It’s probably not very good but,” he trailed off, shrugging his shoulders.

Steve nodded, suddenly at a complete loss for words. “You haven’t tasted my food yet so I know that’s not the problem. What’s wrong?,” Bucky finally asked. Was Steve regretting last night?

“I thought you’d left,” Steve whispered, looking embarrassed at his confession.

Oh. Bucky could have kicked himself at the thought of Steve waking up alone this morning, thinking Bucky had snuck out on him during the night. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, moving closer to wrap his arms loosely around Steve’s waist, a playful grin tugging at his lips. “I’ll make it up to you later.”

Steve choked back a laugh at the other man’s over the top eyebrow wiggle. “I think breakfast is a pretty good start.”

Bucky pushed closer, his shirt soft against Steve’s bare chest and his thigh slipping between Steve’s legs. “I dunno, I can think of few other ways.”

Steve was about to respond, deciding he didn’t actually need breakfast as the blood in his brain flooded south but before he got a chance Bucky broke away with a curse. “Shit, the bacon!”

Bucky jumped to turn off the skillet, grabbing a pair of tongs to take out the sizzling strips. Wincing as grease splattered at his skin, Bucky tossed the meat on to a nearby plate. Steve couldn’t help but laugh at the adorable sight his boyfriend made, darting around the kitchen. Sex could wait, he decided, he really wanted to try Bucky’s cooking.

XXX

                Breakfast was made up of extra crispy bacon, cut fruit, fresh coffee and the most ridiculously shaped, lumpy pancakes Steve had ever seen. It was perfect. Steve made to start on the dishes, claiming that since Bucky had cooked he would clean, but he never got a chance.

                “I think I still have some making up to do.” Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand, pulling him away from the sink and pushing him back against the counter. He smirked as Steve’s eyes grew wide in surprise.

                Steve groaned as his lover pressed a kiss against his lips before sinking down to his knees, gently lavishing attention on every inch of skin he could find. Gripping the counter tightly for support, Steve watched with amazement as Bucky pulled down his pants just low enough for his rapidly hardening dick to spring free. He had been half hard since Bucky’s suggestion before breakfast and the way the brunet had been rubbing his foot against Steve’s leg while they ate had certainly not helped.

                Bucky licked a flat stripe up him, before swallowing Steve down in one swift motion. Steve let out a surprised groan, his head dropping against his chest so he could watch the incredible man below. The way his cock slipped between those bright pink lips was easily one of the hottest things he had ever seen.

                Unable to tear his eyes away, Steve watched as Bucky pulled back, licking once then twice at the pre-come that was starting to leak from the slit. Bucky moaned as the salty liquid hit his tongue, one hand flying up to grip Steve’s dick by the base, holding him still. Bucky swallowed cock like a champion, taking Steve until he could feel the swollen head of his cock hitting the back of Bucky’s throat. Where most would normally gag, Bucky just groaned, his eyes fluttering shut momentarily.

 

                Steve could see Bucky’s own arousal creating a thick bulge in his borrowed pants, a dark spot growing where he leaked against the fabric. As Bucky dropped his other hand to cup himself, Steve groaned. It was too much heat, too much pressure and he needed more. Fisting his hand in soft brown hair, Steve gently tugged his lover closer, trying and failing to keep his hips still.

                As Steve’s hips jerked, Bucky moaned, the vibrations dancing over Steve’s skin. Bucky continued to fist himself through his pants, his other hand dropping from Steve’s cock to grab a handful of his ass. The brunet pushed Steve, letting his jaw go slack as he silently encouraged Steve to take control.

                “Oh, fuck,” Steve whispered. Not needing to be told more than once, Steve tightened his hold on Bucky’s head, pushing his hips faster and faster.

                Bucky whimpered, the sounds muffled around Steve’s cock that was now leaking a steady stream of tangy pre-come down his throat with each thrust. Bucky’s face was flushed as he swallowed around Steve’s cock, moaning as the other man fucked his face with reckless abandon.

                “Bucky!” With a shout, Steve gave one final thrust, holding Bucky close as he shot his load down Bucky’s throat. Swallowing gently and rubbing his tongue across the bulging vein that ran up Steve’s cock, Bucky worked Steve through his orgasm, his own hand flying over himself.

                Steve gently pulled back, a dribble of cum spilling from Bucky’s lips. “That’s it baby,” Steve coaxed, running his thumb over Bucky’s skin, gathering the mess up before slipping the digit between Bucky’s lips. Bucky whimpered as he sucked Steve’s thumb clean, his tongue eagerly lapping up every last drop of Steve’s release. “Fuck, you look so beautiful.”

                With one last twist of his fist, Bucky came with a cry, his jaw going slack and letting Steve’s thumb fall from his lips.

                “Fuck me,” Bucky cursed, letting his head drop against Steve’s hip.

                Steve chuckled, “Maybe later.”

                “Ugh,” Bucky groaned, rolling his eyes as he stood up, he was going to hold Steve to that promise. “You are such a little punk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love as always to my wonderful beta AuthorOutofTime for finding all my stupid typos! Two more chapters left. Yikes! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and for leaving so much love! I love reading your thoughts and comments about these goobers. If you want to leave your thoughts on this chapter please feel free! Also, come talk to me on Tumblr at ScienceofSociopaths! Guaranteed Stucky and Marvel feels!
> 
> Also, starting tomorrow I will be posting a Halloween or Fall themed Stucky fic a day until the 31st so please feel free to check those out and get your holiday feels on! They will be like 50% AUs and 50% canon compliant.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some really mean slurs used in this chapter, just a warning!

 

“Are you ever going to get out of the shower?” Steve grumbled as he kicked his pajama pants to the floor.

“Nope!” Bucky called over the sound of the water. “You can come in or wait your turn!”

Steve rolled his eyes as he tugged off his t-shirt but he couldn’t help the smile that was tugging at his lips. He had called Natasha the morning after Bucky had showed up at his door and begged for a few days off so he could be there while his boyfriend struggled to put his life in order. Natasha had agreed at once, insisting that she was offended Steve had ever thought she might say no. If her two closest friends needed a few days then that was exactly what they were going to get.

Bucky had spent the last three days with him where, more often than not, they spent the majority of their time in bed. This evening however was what they both had been dreading: a meeting with Bucky’s parents and the family of the woman he was supposed to be marrying. Jennifer might have understood when Bucky had explained his situation but Steve knew he was terrified of his parent’s reaction.

They had five hours, Steve reminded himself as he pushed the curtain aside, and there was no reason to get worked up about it now.

“Crap that’s cold,” Bucky hissed, diving back under the warm spray of the shower.

Shrugging, Steve pulled the curtain closed with a smirk. “Hey, you’re the one who told me to come.”

Bucky swallowed, nodding absentmindedly as if he was no longer concerned about it, or really paying any attention to what Steve was saying. Dark green eyes slowly worked down every inch of Steve’s skin before making their way back up. Licking his lips, Bucky extended a hand to pull Steve closer.

Butterflies fluttered in Steve’s chest as he closed the distance between them. Having Bucky’s attention so focused on him like this was intoxicating and Steve knew he was rapidly becoming addicted to having the other man around. Ducking under the spray, Steve shivered as the hot water cascaded down his back. He let out a soft moan as the small ache in his shoulders from this morning’s ‘workout’ faded away.

Never taking his eyes away from the gorgeous sight in front of him, Bucky lathered up a washcloth and began to run it across Steve’s chest. The blonde hummed softly, his eyes fluttering as he leaned back against the shower wall for support.

“Feels good,” he whispered as Bucky crowded in and started to mouth at his ear, the soft cloth tracing patterns across his pecs, scratching over each nipple in turn before dipping lower.

“So beautiful,” Bucky murmured, barely audible where his face was buried against Steve’s neck.

His only response was a high whimper as he rubbed across Steve’s hips, letting the end of the cloth barely graze the head of Steve’s cock. With a smirk, Bucky crouched as he washed down across Steve’s thighs, which were now shaking as they struggled to hold him up. He traced across Steve’s sack, as he moved the cloth over to rub gently down Steve’s left leg, never once giving the blonde what he wanted.

Gasping as the tip of Bucky’s tongue dipped into the leaking slit of his dick, Steve couldn’t help the soft groan that fell from his lips as he begged. “Bucky, please.”

The washcloth never stilled in its torturously slow movements as Bucky ran his hands back up muscular calves, across built thighs, ghosting over where Steve wanted it the most as he continued higher. Rising gracefully, Bucky licked and nipped at Steve’s jaw as he traced over each perfectly sculpted abdominal muscle, thumbed at the stiff peaks of his nipples, and dipped into the hollows of his collarbones. “Flip over,” Bucky growled, his voice husky with his own arousal.

With a strangled groan, Steve did as he was told, folding his arms up on the tile and resting his forehead against them. Bucky bit back a groan as he admired Steve from this new angle. Squeezing more soap on to his cloth, Bucky began to trace across his boyfriends frankly ridiculously broad shoulders. The muscles rippled under his hand as Steve unconsciously flexed, straining to push back against his touch.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you Stevie,” Bucky whispered, licking up the shell of Steve’s ear as his hand traced down the blonde’s spine.

Steve let out a soft, muffled whimper and arched his back, pressing his chest closer to the wall as he pushed his ass out. Smiling to himself, Bucky ran the cloth across the deep dip in Steve’s lower back before brushing across his ass. As he massaged each firm cheek, Steve pushed back against him, arching his back impossibly further as he huffed against the wall.

Unable to wait any longer Bucky moved aside and aimed the spray of the shower so that it ran across Steve’s back, washing suds down his legs to pool in the drain. Sinking to his knees as Steve shuddered under the warm water above him, Bucky nuzzled at the inside of his thighs, prompting him to spread them wider.

Desperate for some sort of friction, for _anything_ , Steve was quick to comply, groaning against the wall as Bucky trailed a finger down the cleft of his ass. “Look at you,” Bucky mumbled, his breath ghosting across Steve’s hole as he spread his cheeks apart. “So fucking desperate.”

“Buck- _ah_ , please,” Steve whimpered, trying desperately to keep his hips still as his lover licked gently at his hole. “Fuck!”

Bucky grinned as Steve began to fall apart above him when he licked flat-tongued across his hole. Steve trembled around him, muscles clenching and unclenching as he tentatively licked inside. He was rewarded with a high pitched whimper as Steve tried and failed to keep his hips from rocking. Pushing his hips back, Steve sighed as Bucky’s tongue was pushed farther in to him.

Letting out a small huff of laughter, Bucky thumbed lightly at Steve’s perineum, pushing firmly every time his tongue thrust deeper. Hot water dripped down Steve’s back and in to Bucky’s face, but none of that mattered; not when he was still here, on his knees for the most amazing man he had ever met, listening to the soft cries falling from his lips as Bucky’s tongue finally grazed against his prostate.

“Ahhhh- fuck yes,” Steve cried, one hand dropping to fist over his dick. “Buck- ungh!”

If it was possible to smirk with your face buried against your lovers ass, tongue pushing against their prostate, drool dripping down your chin, Bucky would have. As he continued to thrust his tongue in to Steve’s relaxed hole, Bucky brushed his hand forward, rolling each testicle gently before wrapping his hand around Steve’s. Their hands pumped together before Bucky knocked Steve’s away. With a groan Steve pounded his now free hand against the wall as Bucky thumbed across his frenulum while simultaneously pushing a long finger in with his tongue.

Steve was hot and tight around his finger and Bucky had to pull back with a groan as the sensations threatened to overwhelm him and bring him undone without a touch. The heavy weight of Steve’s dick in his hand combined with the tight heat around his tongue and fingers and the throaty groans Steve made was sinful.

“Hng- Bucky!” Steve cried as his hips began to rock, pushing back on Bucky’s finger and tongue before pushing up into his fist. “Buck-ah! Yes! So close-fuck.”

Rocking his own hips desperately, Bucky rolled his palm across the head of Steve’s cock, gathering up the precome that was now leaking steadily.

“Almost there baby-ungh,” Steve cried, his hips now jerking as they continued to rock.

Ready to bring his lover over the edge, Bucky pushed a second finger in smoothly, crooking them so that they pressed up against his sweet spot as his tongue thrust across the tight rings of muscle and his fist pumped across Steve’s slick dick.

“Ah-fuck! Bucky-yes!” Steve yelled, his voice hoarse and breaking where he cried against the wall as his orgasm hit him. Thick spurts of cum splattered against the wall, coating Bucky’s hand as he clenched around his tongue and fingers, drawing them deeper inside.

Gently rubbing against Steve’s prostate, milking his release, Bucky dropped his cum slick hand and fisted himself. As he groaned against Steve’s ass, slipping his fingers free to fist in the firm muscle of his ass, Bucky jerked his hips, chasing his own release. It wasn’t long after Steve stopped shuddering around his tongue that Bucky came with a cry, his semen coating the inside of Steve’s thighs. Resting his head against Steve’s lower back, Bucky whimpered softly, his hand slowing to work through the last few shudders of his orgasms.

“Fuck,” Steve huffed, pushing himself off the wall and grimacing as he felt warm come roll down the back of his knee.

Bucky nodded, too far gone for words, before leaning down and licking up the sensitive skin of Steve’s leg, lapping up the evidence of his own release with a groan. “Fuck,” he whispered, placing a last, soft kiss to Steve’s thigh before pushing against the side of the tub, grimacing as his knees popped, stiff after being sat on for so long.

“That’s not exactly what I had planned when I came in here,” Steve murmured, turning around to face his boyfriend, slipping his arms around Bucky’s waist and pulling him close.

The water cascaded across their shoulders as Bucky sighed in to his embrace. “Yeah, but after that thing you did last night I had to make it up to you somehow.”

Steve grinned, pressing a soft kiss to Bucky’s hair. Last night had been _fun_. They stayed close, content to let the steam build up around them. Outside it was cold and they would have to face up to the harsh reality that laid in wait, but wrapped up together in the safety of Steve’s apartment they could pretend for a little longer.

“Hey! You better leave me some hot water!” Sam hollered from the hallway, banging twice on the door.

Snickering, Bucky pulled away with a groan. “Guess we should get out and face the music.”

XXX

The Barnes estate had never looked more imposing as Steve pulled up past the gates, Bucky’s arms wrapped tightly around his waist. The closer they had gotten, the faster Bucky’s breathing had gotten, concerning Steve enough to pull over and check on his boyfriend more than once in the short drive. For the last few days this had been an abstract concept, an adversary that they would meet in the future.

Now, standing in the drive, looking up at the dark grey brick wall it was suddenly all too real. “You ready?” Steve asked, glancing at the man next to him.

Bucky took a deep breath, tightening his grip on Steve’s hand. “Not really, but I don’t see that ever changing.”

“Just remember, I’m right here with you no matter what happens,” Steve whispered, turning to place a hand against Bucky’s neck, stroking his jaw with his thumb.

“Until the end of the line?” Bucky asked, his voice barely audible, unable to look Steve in the eye.

Gently gripping Bucky’s chin, Steve tilted it up until he caught his boyfriend’s gaze. Pressing a chaste kiss to Bucky’s lips, Steve promised. “Until the end of the line.”

Nodding, Bucky raised himself up to his full height, head held high as he led the way to the front door. Before he had a chance to ring the bell, the heavy door swung open. As heat from the house washed over them, Peggy smiled gently.

“Come in, it’s freezing out.” She stepped back and motioned them inside, pulling Bucky in to a tight hug as soon as the door closed behind him. “I’m so proud of you.”

Bucky wrapped his arms tightly around her, holding his friend close as he willed himself not to cry. Peggy had been there for him from the beginning, standing beside him as he fell head over heels in love for the first time. She’d held him when he came home crying the first time Brock had hit him. No matter what he had done or how much he had acted out, she had never abandoned him. “Thanks Pegs,” he muttered with a sniff.

“None of that Barnes,” she scolding, her voice fond as she pushed him back. “It’s good to see you again Steve.” Steve nodded, not trusting his voice as she laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Alright boys, they’re in the dining room,” she said, pulling away and straightening her jacket.

Steve smiled as she brushed a hair aside, trying to hide the fact that she was also wiping away a tear or two. Beside him, Bucky slipped his hand in Steve’s, tangling their fingers together. “Let’s do it.”

The walk down the hall to the formal dining room had never felt longer and Steve could feel his heart begin to pound as he heard snippets of conversation. This was it. There was no turning back as they paused in the doorway. Taking a final deep breath and squeezing Steve’s hand tight, Bucky pushed the door open, his face impassive.

“James dear, you’re late-“ His mother started as they stepped inside. As she looked up from her cup of tea she frowned, her brow furrowing when she saw Steve.

Seven pairs of eyes turned to inspect every inch of them. Steve felt his skin crawl under their gaze and tried to resist the urge to fidget. Bucky gripped his hand impossibly tighter, his knuckles white under the strain. Mr. and Mrs. Barnes were seated across the table from them, with Jennifer’s parents to their right. Jennifer, Becca, and a young man Steve had never seen sat to their left.

Becca gave them a small wave and Steve could immediately see the resemblance. She had the same chestnut brown hair and dark green eyes as her brother, without any of the cold glare of their parents. Jennifer shot them a small smile, and Steve immediately felt better knowing she was on their side. As long as both parties wanted out of the arrangement Bucky’s parents couldn’t be upset, right?

“James what is going on here,” his mother snapped, pointedly ignoring Steve’s presence.

“Nice to see you too mother,” Bucky grumbled, sighing softly when Peggy coughed behind him, a gentle reminder that being petulant would not do him any favors today. “Jennifer and I have something we need to talk to you about.”

Mrs. Barnes turned her cold stare to Jennifer who sunk down slightly in her chair. Mr. and Mrs. Joyce glanced at their daughter before looking back to Bucky, no doubt confused. “What is it dear?” Jennifer’s mother looked genuinely interested as she addressed Bucky, her voice soft and everything that Elaine Barnes’s was not.

“We’ve uh-,” Bucky started, his eyes flicking across the table as he fumbled for words. Steve gave his hand a gentle reassuring squeeze, doing his best to ground the brunet. “We’ve decided to call of the engagement.”

Mrs. Barnes’s eyes narrowed in to thin slits as her husband stiffened next to her. “I beg your pardon?”

Steve knew she was giving Bucky a chance to back down and he felt his heart swell with affection as Bucky grit his teeth. “You heard me mother. I am not marrying Jennifer, not now, not ever.”

Mr. and Mrs. Joyce looked at each other before watching their daughter for any signs of distress. Jennifer smiled softly at them, nodding slightly to reassure them that she was okay with the situation. Steve couldn’t help but think if the situation was different they could have been friends. Maybe they still could, he thought, once this had all blown over.

“Don’t be absurd James,” his mother huffed. “Now let go of that… _boy_ , and come sit down. We have plans to make.”

The way she said boy sounded like a curse and Steve could see the muscles in Bucky’s jaw clenching angrily out of the corner of his eye. “I am not leaving Steve, I don’t care what you threaten me with. I never should have listened to you to begin with.” Bucky’s voice was strong and unwavering but Steve could feel his hand gripping ever tighter and quiver slightly.

“Young man you are a Barnes,” she insisted, shoving her chair back roughly and standing. “I did not raise a _faggot_. Now you will step away from the help and live up to your responsibilities.”

Jennifer gasped softly, shocked by Mrs. Barnes outburst and Becca glowered next to her. “I don’t owe you anything! Ever since I told you about Tim you’ve done your best to ignore me, sweep me aside, but you can’t anymore. I’m a grown man and I will make my own decisions!” Bucky yelled, his voice growing louder as he got more upset. “My only responsibility is to myself.”

Mrs. Barnes slammed a palm on to the table as she glared at her son. “James, apologize to your mother right now,” his father interjected, setting his paper down for the first time since they had walked in to the room. “You know that the only way you stay in the will is to marry Jennifer.”

Bucky laughed, the sound cold and hollow in the quiet room. “I don’t want your fucking money,” he scoffed. “Tony hired me to work for Stark Industries a week ago. I’m the head of his sales department.”

“Stark is new money and frankly a disgrace.” Mrs. Barnes grimaced as if the mere idea of what Tony represented pained her.

“Tony is a bit eccentric sure but he is a genius, and more importantly he is a good man, something that could never be said about you two.” Bucky stood firm but Steve could see him straining to maintain his strong composure under such abuse.

“I wish your sister had never found you after your little stunt last year,” Mrs. Barnes spat. “I’d rather have a dead son than a fucking fairy.” Bucky flinched at her words, recoiling as if he had been slapped.

Steve felt every muscle in his body tighten as he tried to refrain from jumping across the table. The Joyce’s shot each other uncomfortable glances, unsure what to do as a family fell apart in front of them. Becca looked horrified that even her mother could be that cruel. “No, don’t listen to her Bucky,” she insisted, speaking up for the first time.

“Is that all it was to you? A stunt,” Bucky snarled, a tear rolling down his cheek as he shook with suppressed rage. “I’m sorry that my life is an inconvenience to you but I deserve to live it and I deserve to be happy.”

Becca pushed her chair back and ran across the table to wrap her brother in to a tight hug. “Don’t listen to her Buck,” she whispered, her voice shaking. “I need my big brother around.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Bucky promised both to his sister and himself. “I don’t care what they say anymore, I’m always gonna be here.”

Steve smiled, wiping a stray tear from his eye as Bucky’s thumb rubbed across the back of his hand. “Good, because I will kick your ass if you ever try anything like that again,” Becca grumbled, pushing his shoulder gently as she pulled away.

“Deal,” Bucky promised.

“You have ruined this family,” his mother yelled, her voice straining. “That merger was almost completely finalized!”

Rolling her eyes, Becca turned to snap at her mother. “Is that all you care about? Your fucking company?”

“Ignore them Beccs,” Bucky whispered. “They’re not worth it.”

“No, they’re not,” she agreed, wiping a stray tear from her eye before crossing the room to stand next to the young man Steve had never seen before. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder which he covered with his own, looking at her fondly. “But you are Bucky.”

“What’s going on?” Mr. Joyce interjected as he looked around the room in bewilderment. Next to his, Bucky’s parents fumed, his mother’s face flushed red as she tried to hold back whatever curse was struggling to escape.

“Jeremy and I are getting married.” Becca smiled down at Jeremy as she spoke. “You’ll still have your precious merger.”

“Becca no, you can’t give your own life away just for me!” Bucky looked panicked as his eyes darted around the room. Steve squeezed Bucky’s hand gently, trying to ground him in the moment before he worked himself in to a panic attack. “Please, I never wanted this.”

Becca giggled softly, her eyes bright as she smiled at her brother. Jeremy began to laugh with her, his chuckles deep as they grew in volume. Beside them Jennifer smiled, in on whatever the joke was. “Oh Buck, I should have told you,” she said, gasping for air in between laughs. “I’ve been seeing Jeremy for three years now. We had already started talking about getting married when this whole mess started.”

Bucky gaped, his mouth hanging open as he stared dumbstruck at his sister’s confession. “Are you serious?”

Steve felt as if a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders as she nodded and he couldn’t help the grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. Beside him Bucky began to laugh, softly but full of relief. It was infectious and soon Steve found his own shoulders shaking with amusement.

For the first time since they had arrived at the estate Bucky dropped Steve’s hand, rushing over to pick his sister up in a hug and spin her around. “Congrats! I’m so happy for you that I’m going to forget to be mad at you for keeping this from me!”

Becca giggled, punching him softly on the shoulder. “Put me down you great oaf.”

“Good to finally meet you,” Jeremy said, extending a hand.

“You too man,” Bucky grinned, shaking his hand firmly. “Meet my boyfriend Steve.”

Behind them Mrs. Barnes made a strangled noise at Bucky’s declaration but the small group ignored her as they made introductions. Chairs scraped against the floor and Steve felt Bucky tense up next to him, no doubt expecting the worse from his parents. “Welcome to the family sweetheart,” Mrs. Joyce said, placing a delicate hand on Becca’s arm.

Jennifer beamed as her parents shook hands with Steve, complimenting him on the excellent meals they had eaten here before this whole uncomfortable business had started. “Oh, yes!” Becca cried, listening in on their conversation. “Steve, you must help cater for the wedding!”

Steve felt his cheeks flush at the attention but nodded. “I would be honored to.”

“What is going on here?” Mrs. Barnes yelled, her voice cracking under the strain to be heard over the small group.

“We’re planning my wedding mother,” Becca replied coolly, not bothering to glance at the woman next to her. “It shouldn’t concern you though because you will not be attending. You will get your precious merger but that is all.”

Bucky gaped, a small relieved laugh breaking loose. As he looked around at his family and new in-laws he decided that maybe everything would be okay. It was unlikely that he would speak to his parents again, at least not for a long time. However, Becca was happily marrying in to what seemed to be a kind and functional family and he had Steve back in his life.

Peggy caught his eye, her smile bright as she inclined her head gently, as if she knew just what Bucky was thinking. With a soft sigh, Bucky laid his head against Steve’s chest, grinning when the blond wrapped a strong arm around his shoulders, holding him close.

It hadn’t been easy and they had a long way to go, but yeah, everything was going to be okay.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long to get to you! I got distracted by my Halloween Challenge and then midterms happened and the proverbial shit hit the fan man. I hope it was worth the wait. Thanks to AuthorOutofTime for helping make this just the right amount of angst. We have one chapter to go! Whoo!
> 
> Thank you so freaking much to everyone who has been reading this and loving on it, y'all are the freaking best. As always I would love for you to leave a comment and tell me what you think!
> 
> Come talk to me as well on tumblr at ScienceofSociopaths about these dorks or about whatever! I'm almost done with the next chapter so it should be up tomorrow!


	20. Epilogue

9 months Later

                “Buck you can’t sit there,” Steve groaned, shoving is cutting board over to the left.

                “What, you’re not working here.” Bucky smiled from where he had hopped up to sit on the counter next to where Steve was working, his puppy dog eyes doing nothing to hide his amusement.

                Steve shook his head as he began to dice another onion. “That’s not the point. It’s a food prep area, no butts allowed.”

                “You can just clean it when I get off.” Bucky popped another berry in to his mouth, his legs swinging where they dangled off the side of the counter. He had taken to hanging around The Red Room, watching Steve work and doing his best to get in the way whenever he had a day off. Natasha claimed he was bad for business, but even Steve knew that she loved having her best friend around.

                “That’s not the point,” Steve grumbled, sensing a losing battle.

                Bucky gave him a wide, shit eating grin that said he knew that he had finally won. “It is exactly the point Stevie.”

                Rolling his eyes, Steve turned to stick his tongue out at his boyfriend but stopped when he saw how close the other man was. Bucky had leaned in close, the tip of his nose brushing against Steve’s, his warm breath hot against Steve’s lips.

                “This is definitely not sanitary,” Steve gasped, his eyes locked on Bucky’s pink lips. He struggled to contain his soft groan when a tongue darted out, licking across the plush skin and yeah, he could just wash the counters later.

                Steve dropped his knife, the onion rolling of the cutting board to the floor as he hurriedly wiped his hands on a towel before fisting them in Bucky’s hair, pulling the other man close. Bucky sighed against him as Steve’s lips closed over his in a soft kiss. Steve shivered as Bucky wrapped a hand around the nape of his neck, tugging gently at his hair and he pulled the blond in closer. Steve sucked Bucky’s bottom lip in to his mouth, worrying it gently with his teeth before soothing it with his tongue, earning a low groan from Bucky.

                Thankful that it was still early and the rest of the kitchen crew wouldn’t be in for another hour. Steve licked in to his boyfriend’s mouth, searching out Bucky’s tongue. A soft whimper caught in Steve’s throat as Bucky’s tongue brushed across his. He tasted like the mixed berries he had just been eating, the sweet juices clinging to his skin and mingling with something that was uniquely Bucky.

                Too wrapped up in each other, they failed to hear the door to the kitchen swing closed until someone cleared their throat loudly. Jumping apart, Steve wiped his lips as he felt his cheeks flush. Natasha stood in the doorway, her hands on her hips as she smirked at them, her eyes dancing in amusement.

                “Is that the new special tonight?”

                Bucky rolled his eyes, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to smooth it down. “Hilarious Nat.”

                “Honestly Barnes, I don’t know why I let you in here,” she teased, coming to lean against the stove across from them. “You eat my food and distract my staff. How am I supposed to cater for your sister’s wedding next week if you have your tongue shoved down my Chef’s throat?”

                Steve choked, his eyes wide as he looked back and forth between the two. He was still working on getting used to their unique banter; it was better but sometimes Natasha still caught him off guard. Attempting to look at least semi-professional, Steve bent to pick up the onion that had rolled across the floor, chucking it in to the compost bin. “Don’t worry; he’ll be too busy next weekend helping his sister get ready to be in my way.”

                “Why does she assume that just because I like it up the ass every now and then that I will be any good at wedding planning,” Bucky grumbled for what had to be the hundredth time since his sister had asked him to help.

                Natasha arched an eyebrow at him, a wicked grin pulling at her lips. “James, you used to marry my dolls when we were kids.”

                Steve let out a bark of laughter, a hand coming up to rest on his chest as he watched Bucky’s horrified face. “Nat! You were sworn to secrecy about that!” He cried, his cheeks flushing pink.

                She shrugged in a way that suggested that was what he got for messing around in her restaurant in the first place. “I’m sure it was a beautiful wedding,” Steve gasped in between chuckles, grinning at his boyfriend who sat grumbling next to him.

                “Oh it was an affair to be remembered,” Natasha insisted, popping a leftover raspberry in to her mouth.

                “I hate you both,” Bucky grumbled.

                “Aw, don’t worry baby, it’s cute,” Steve grinned, turning to press a kiss to the sensitive spot behind Bucky’s ear that made the burnet go weak in the knees every time.

                “That’s cheating,” Bucky gasped, his eyes fluttering as Steve licked over the spot on last time.

                Natasha grinned as she watched them before clearing her throat, once more interrupting them. “Alright you two, get out of here. I don’t want my customers to be forced to see you playing tonsil hockey against every stable surface in the restaurant.”

                Bucky stuck his tongue out at his friend, but hopped off the counter anyways. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have Barton here for yourself.”

                Natasha tried to hide the slight flush of her cheeks at the thought. Sam had introduced her to Clint a few months ago and the pair had hit it off surprisingly well. “I can’t help it if he’s fantastic in the sack.”

                Bucky groaned, covering his ears as if he could prevent himself from ever hearing that to begin with. “Ugh, too much information Nat.”

                “Says the man who’s been trying to get the third base in my kitchen for the past three months?” She arched a delicate brow at them and even Bucky had the good natured to look embarrassed. “That’s what I thought, now go home.”

                Steve looked around at the mostly spotless kitchen, frowning slightly. “Are you sure Natasha? I don’t want to leave you in a lurch.”

                Shaking her head, Natasha pushed the pair towards the door. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it Stevie,” she insisted. “It’s a Tuesday, it’ll be a slow night, nothing your meticulously trained staff won’t be able to handle. Besides, you haven’t taken a proper day in almost a month and frankly, I’m getting tired of looking at you.”

                Steve grinned as he unbuttoned his Chef jacket and hung it on a hook by his desk. Bucky swallowed tightly as he caught a glimpse of his boyfriend in one of the absurdly tight t-shirts he insisted on wearing. Really, the way they hugged Steve’s chest, defining every muscle, should be illegal.

                “Thanks.” Steve gave her a gentle hug which she returned before pushing him away and pointing to the front door.

                “Yes, yes now go.”

                Bucky gave her a mock salute before grabbing Steve by the wrist and pulling him across the empty dining room to the door.  “Hmm, a whole afternoon free,” Bucky hummed as Steve pulled out the keys to his bike. “What will we do with ourselves?”

                Steve grinned, straddling the bike and pulling his boyfriend down in to a kiss. “Oh, I think we can think of something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys. Wow. Thank you so much for sticking with me through this journey. This is the longest thing I've done by far and it's been a wild ride! Thanks for all the love and comments and kudos! Let me know what you think of the end!
> 
> Come hang with me on tumblr at ScienceofSociopaths where you can watch me cry about these losers and the next project that I've started working on! Spoilers: It's another AU called What If and this time we get Skinny!Steve!


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